Changing my name - undecided

sheeppappar

Hello... i am also the last in my family with my surname (girl - only child, my dad the only male in his generation). I am going to take my husband's name but give myself a new middle name by deed poll. So to the rest of the world I will be Mrs Y but I will actually keep part of my "miss X" identity.
Don't fancy double-barrelling or keeping a different name, as I am proud to be marrying my husband, but don't want to give up the good old me that I have been happy being for the last 37 years!
Then maybe further down the line I could pass my middle name on as a family middle name to my kids..
HTH
xx

catmonkey85

As Shakespeare said, "What's in a name?". I know that it's not so easy when issues of identity are at stake, but it is just a name. Your family will be no less your family, but your new family may feel a little closer.

I was in the same position as you - my husband's name no better or worse than my own, no impact at work etc. For me, it was the idea that I wanted my children to have my name that swung it, so I took his. I miss my old surname, but my Mum will still call me by it occassionally, as will my Grandparents. I don't fell any less conected to them. I love having my husbands name more than I thought. It's nice to say Mr & Mrs x, and have post sent to us like that. Otherwise, your post would be delivered to Mrs x and Mr Y. It's the small things!

Plus if you kept your name you'd be explaining yourself to everyone throughout your married life as people would assume!

FBaby

I love my name as it is very unique, but not difficult to pronounce or spell. I had it for over 40 years! My partner's name is very common, so it would feel strange to go from unique to very common. I have decided that I will gradually change official papers as and when the time comes to do it, but I will definitely keep my name at work.

MrsC....tobe

I'm already making a list of who I need to tell when I change my name! It's probably about the only traditional thing that I am doing. To me it's very important that I have the same name as my husband (to be) and from the day we are married I will be using his name.

Everyone is different, personally I don't like double barrelled names, for either first name or surnames, they can be a right mouthful and to me it's like you can't decide on who you are!

Do what feels right for you, I know men that have taken their wives name when they got married but you need to talk about it together and decide together.

Sundaysgirl

I have the same dilemma! My surname is very unusual, and OH's is rather common, so whilst i want to retain my identity / uniqueness, taking his name has the added bonus that people would actually be able to spell /pronounce it - that would be a first! I've actually already started using his surname for making reservations etc.

He has grudgingly agreed for me to keep my maiden name professionally (but only while I remain at my current employer), but won't budge in terms of everything else. I don't like the idea of double barrel - without wishing to cause offence to anyone, IMHO it sounds rather pretentious and more than a little common - and it wouldn't work for our surnames anyway! I was hoping just to take his name for appearances' sake, i.e. friends and family don't need to know any different (as i like the idea of us sharing a surname in rhat sense) but all finances and documents would remain in my maiden name. However... He seems really bothered by this so I think I will have to relent just to keep the peace.

Children are DEFINITELY not on the cards, so not an issue in that sense - our pets already have my surname so not sure what happens there :rotfl:

notanewuser

Sundaysgirl wrote: »

He has grudgingly agreed for me to keep my maiden name professionally (but only while I remain at my current employer), but won't budge in terms of everything else. I don't like the idea of double barrel - without wishing to cause offence to anyone, IMHO it sounds rather pretentious and more than a little common - and it wouldn't work for our surnames anyway! I was hoping just to take his name for appearances' sake, i.e. friends and family don't need to know any different (as i like the idea of us sharing a surname in rhat sense) but all finances and documents would remain in my maiden name. However... He seems really bothered by this so I think I will have to relent just to keep the peace.

Sounds like he needs reminding that a) it's the 21st century and that b) it's not actually his decision to make!

my_definition

notanewuser wrote: »

Sounds like he needs reminding that a) it's the 21st century and that b) it's not actually his decision to make!

I kinda get what she means as my oh wants me to change my name but i love it. Im a teacher so i dont think it would bother me to change it if i didnt have kids calling me it like 50 times a day.i think im going to change it legally but keep my maiden name in class. Oh isnt that happy about it but it is my name.

Thriftygifty

I'm keeping my name :D:D. That was the plan from the start then my Mum said that she didnt think it was right and I should take OH name and then I just thought I cant do it, i'm ready to marry my OH but also not give up my identiy. I'm fiercly proud of my name it is "me" it links me to my family I feel part of them I've had this name through thick and thin everybody knows me by it and I feel like it defines me, i'm not ready to just wipe the slate clean and start again that is how I would feel if I took OH's name. My OH isnt bothered and just wants me to be happy and i'm lucky that my OH allows me freedom on our relationship to keep it, i'm not sure I could marry someone who didnt let me be me and thats how I feel about my name. As for children we arent sure about the names yet, at the mo we are thinking my surname as middle name and OH surname as their surname as I dont really like double barrelled and anybody that says that I dont have a link with my children because I dont share the same name I have no time for as surley someone that grows inside of somebody is a greater tie than a name! The only bit i'm abit stuck with is the "mrs bit" I dont want to be Mrs Maiden name as thats my Mum! Weddings are tricky things :rotfl:

Sundaysgirl

Just to set the record straight before everyone starts thinking my OH is a controlling meanie...! ^^^

This is literally the only sticking point between us, he takes he view that we won't look to the world like a "proper" married couple and present a united front if our surnames are different, and I completely get where he's coming from as I feel the same - I see taking his name as the "normal" thing to do, it's just that I'm conflicted as I want to keep my maiden name too!

The only solution I can think is to add my maiden name as a middle name (though it's not at all that kind of name, and how much use do you ever really get out of your middle name anyway?! I rarely use mine) or to use both surnames for different parts of my life like Dunroamin suggested - so long as I remember how I've decided to compartmentalise!!

notanewuser

Sundaysgirl wrote: »

Just to set the record straight before everyone starts thinking my OH is a controlling meanie...! ^^^

This is literally the only sticking point between us, he takes he view that we won't look to the world like a "proper" married couple and present a united front if our surnames are different, and I completely get where he's coming from as I feel the same - I see taking his name as the "normal" thing to do, it's just that I'm conflicted as I want to keep my maiden name too!

The only solution I can think is to add my maiden name as a middle name (though it's not at all that kind of name, and how much use do you ever really get out of your middle name anyway?! I rarely use mine) or to use both surnames for different parts of my life like Dunroamin suggested - so long as I remember how I've decided to compartmentalise!!

By that logic it would be even more "proper" for both of you to change your names to something else. Something tells me that isn't something your OH would even consider though.