How long before you get serious?

marisco_2

VestanPance wrote: »

Then again I don't believe in love at first sight or anything like that. How can you love someone you don't know? I think many people confuse love and lust.

I agree with this. If you have barely had the time to get to know someone, then how do you know if you really like them and all the little things that make them who they are. Let alone feel confidant enough to think that you love them. Again this is probably just me and being very cautious but it does stagger me that people can feel so sure so early in someone they have just met.

neverdespairgirl

torbrex wrote: »

I met her years later and she told me that she had wished that she had stayed with me as I would have been an anchor for her speedboat.

Blimey, what a flattering comparison.

DS4215

VestanPance wrote: »

Then again I don't believe in love at first sight or anything like that. How can you love someone you don't know? I think many people confuse love and lust.

I haven't had this happen for years (since before my marriage), but on maybe 5-6 occasions when I was younger I was instantly spellbound by a young lady. Of those, one lasted 2.5 years and one will be 20 years this year so my subconscious was obviously right with those two at least.

The first words one of the others said to me was to propose (Saturday 29th February 1992 in a nightclub in Oxford). Unfortunately I didn't get her number and never saw her again after that night (no mobiles or anything to make it easy), so I probably hold the record for the fastest, and shortest, engagement on record!!

FBaby

Of course you can fall in lust and make it turn into love. Lust is not just about sex, it's about strong attraction. What makes you attracted to that person are a big part of what will make you fall in love with them, so it is not that unusual to fall in lust with someone quickly and that to lead to a strong lasting relationship.

It's just that often, there are things that get in the way that makes it impossible for love to flourish.

What I was trying to say is that love and lust can feel very similar inside, but I agree with marisco that love does take time, especially as it has to involve a level of trust and few trust people they've only known for a very short time.

ecgirl07

marisco wrote: »

I agree with this. If you have barely had the time to get to know someone, then how do you know if you really like them and all the little things that make them who they are. Let alone feel confidant enough to think that you love them. Again this is probably just me and being very cautious but it does stagger me that people can feel so sure so early in someone they have just met.

Im kinda in the opposite camp - if you dont love someone within a few months you never will. With the right person you dont have to think about loving someone: you love them.

neverdespairgirl

ecgirl07 wrote: »

Im kinda in the opposite camp - if you dont love someone within a few months you never will. With the right person you dont have to think about loving someone: you love them.

Both the serious relationships I've been in started a year or so after I met and got to know the man - both grew out of increasingly close friendships.

The second of those involved a man I met in 1996, we started going out together a year later - and now we are living together happily, in domestic bliss, with our nearly 8 year old son.

bitemebankers

FBaby wrote: »

Of course you can fall in lust and make it turn into love. Lust is not just about sex, it's about strong attraction. What makes you attracted to that person are a big part of what will make you fall in love with them, so it is not that unusual to fall in lust with someone quickly and that to lead to a strong lasting relationship.

Well said, Fbaby. I don't know why people say things like "it's just lust" as if lust was some minor thing. If it weren't for lust the human race would die out pretty quickly!

I'm definitely in the latter camp, although I do sympathise with the OP. It's not easy for either party when you both want to go a different speeds. Suffice to say, I don't think either are wrong - both routes can and do lead to long, successful relationships. My longest relationship (12 years) started at lightning speed: we said we loved each other on the second date and were engaged after three weeks. Everyone is different though and the only real advice I can offer is to keep the lines of communication open, and see what happens.

19lottie82

I agree, there is no real "right time", it's just to do with how you both feel.

I vaguely knew my now OH for a few months, I worked in a pub round the corner from the garage where he worked. I used to take my car in to the garage and he used to pop in to the pub for a pint after work.

We went on our first date 3 years ago next week and we have been "serious" ever since.

If you want to be with this guy, then you will know. The feeling may be immediate, or it may take time, but I think you will know which way things are heading.

Scrapaholic

We met and were engaged and married within 15 months . Have just had our 37th anniversary. There has to be an initial spark of attraction and after a few months this can wear off . I suppose when it becomes a lasting love and affection between you then it might be the real thing . There's nothing wrong in enjoying the first feelings of attraction (lust ! ) but I think I would have known quite quickly whether it could become more . Hope it goes well for you .

ostrichnomore_2

Well, we've had a talk about it and it's all good.

I accept he's not a nutter and that there's nothing wrong with talking about feelings and 'us' (I actually like that he talks about anything and everything, it makes a nice change from most men, eh.). He accepts that I'm not a rusher and is happy to be patient and see how things go. I'm not able to see him at all this week as I'm so busy with work and he's been fine about it, which is good, as I supposed I was getting a bit worried he might turn out to be a clinger, which I can't stand.

He's sweet. I'm starting to get a bit of the warm fuzzies towards him, I just wouldn't call it anything like love. It's a nice stage in itself, no? :j