How long before you get serious?

LEJC

I was a complete commitment phobe before I started dating my OH..I knew him socially before we started dating and were engaged after 6 weeks...but it just seemed right ...we married 16 months later and celebrate a milestone anniversary later this year.

Every relationship is different...but for me I knew when I met my match

podperson

When I met my OH we moved very quickly and were engaged and living together within about 4-5 months. A lot of people told us that was very soon, but it didn't feel like that to us, it felt very natural and comfortable. I'd been with other people before that and it would have felt rushed and scary with them - in fact in some ways it was quite strange to me how natural it felt but I simply couldn't see myself with anyone else after that.

However saying that I don't think we were saying we loved each other at 2 weeks. As you say you're still getting to know each other at this stage and I would find that a little rushed and be a little worried that he was more in love with the 'idea' of things and the new relationship rather than me as a person. It is quite a bit of pressure to put on such a new relationship.

ostrichnomore_2

"you mean you've had sex then I would say that is fairly speedy going from both of you if you've only been going out for two weeks."

I'm an Essex girl, lol, I like to try before I buy! Sex doesn't have to be an emotional thing for me. And it couldn't have been for him either when we first did. No, seriously, it's part of finding out if you are compatible or not. I can't imagine dating someone for weeks or months, developing feelings for them, and then finding out there's no chemistry, he's into dressing up in a traffic warden uniform and a gas mask, or the poor chap has only got a mini micro to the extent that it's really not gonna work.

Goldiegirl

I don't think there is a set time to get serious.

It just depends on the people.

I knew that I'd marry my now husband after a month. We've been married 32 years now.

If both parties feel the same then it can be serious after a few days.

But if one person isn't sure then both parties should understand that it isn't yet a serious relationship.

If might take weeks, months or years to become serious, or it might never happen at all. As long as both parties understand where they are, then that is fine.

Perhaps the OP should speak to the other person and explain how they are feeling

ostrichnomore_2

We have spoken about it. He going to try and slow down a bit and not freak me out again. I'm going to try not to hold back just for the sake of it because of an artificial 'schedule', and because the timing is pretty poor for me for a couple of reasons.

I was just wondering about the love at two weeks thing though. I know most of my friends would say that's the sign of a bit of a nutter...or someone confused and in love with the idea of being in love. I keep thinking 'easy come, easy go', if he feels that way so quick it can go away quick as well.

I do really like him.

Joons

ostrichnomore wrote: »

"you mean you've had sex then I would say that is fairly speedy going from both of you if you've only been going out for two weeks."

I'm an Essex girl, lol, I like to try before I buy! Sex doesn't have to be an emotional thing for me. And it couldn't have been for him either when we first did. No, seriously, it's part of finding out if you are compatible or not. I can't imagine dating someone for weeks or months, developing feelings for them, and then finding out there's no chemistry, he's into dressing up in a traffic warden uniform and a gas mask, or the poor chap has only got a mini micro to the extent that it's really not gonna work.

I'm with you Ostrichnomore, try before you buy! We're all different when it comes to when we have sex with a partner and I tell you what, he sounds madly in love with you so you go girl - but, slowly does it....:T

marisco_2

:eek:

I think it is way too early, to be telling someone you love them, after only knowing them two weeks. Most people barely know each other at that stage, let alone have genuine feelings of that depth. I am in the overly cautious camp when it comes to starting relationships so maybe I view things differently.

Each to their own and whatever works for them though.

lostinrates

ostrichnomore wrote: »

We have spoken about it. He going to try and slow down a bit and not freak me out again. I'm going to try not to hold back just for the sake of it because of an artificial 'schedule', and because the timing is pretty poor for me for a couple of reasons.

I was just wondering about the love at two weeks thing though. I know most of my friends would say that's the sign of a bit of a nutter...or someone confused and in love with the idea of being in love. I keep thinking 'easy come, easy go', if he feels that way so quick it can go away quick as well.

I do really like him.

Dh knew 'immediately' he loved me. I knew within a few weeks, but resisted as I had never been of the opinion it was possible.

If I were to find myself dating again I would be more open to having my idea of timescales on something's challenged, but not others. I still feel there is a 'hormonal drive' early in relationships that can mask any issues. I would be unwilling to become financially involved with someone at any stage with out legal agreement and get put clause and would not want, ideally, to have children in the very early days of a relationship.

Anything else can be relatively simply recrified...hearts heal etc.

FBaby

I think you are doing the right thing being cautious. OH has a lovely friend who I adore and is totally sincere in his emotions...but seems to fall in love over and over again...showing it in the most loving ways...talking about them as if that is 'the one', how everything is perfect etc... to announce suddenly that they are not right and he needs to end it, which every time stresses him as he genuinely hates breaking hears. Of course, by the time he does, they have been taken in my all the attention and love he shared. They have been a few over the years. I always want to warn the new one, but of course I can't.

So yes, you are right to take it slowly. You don't know this guy, his history and past behaviour.

MrsDrink

MrD and I met while I was at uni. 2 years after that I rented a house while I was training in my job, he had a key and would visit me at the weekends. Another 2 years we bought our house and moved in together. And even though I thought I was in love, looking back I think the moment it was actual love was another 2 years later when I was being bullied by colleagues and he stood by me no matter what I threw at him. Incidentally that was also when I decided I wanted to get married after all.