How long before you get serious?

ostrichnomore_2

Ha, no I'm a dreadful judge of character! Told him I have crap taste in men. Oh, thanks, he said, lol.

Going to get everyone I know to check him out soon and tell me what they honestly think as I can't trust myself - all my relationships have turned out to be with weirdos/nutters/!!!!!!!s.

englishrose19

I knew instantly! But to be fair I have known him since I was around two :rotfl:

FBaby

Just all seems odd to me, I can't even imagine developing any real feelings that quickly. It always takes me a few months. I like him, that's it. If I never saw him again I'd be a bit regretful about what might have been, but not upset at all.

That's the thing, someone saying they love you after only a couple of weeks doesn't forcibly mean that their feelings are the same as the one you might experience much later once you know them. It's not always a sign of being faster but a sign of being impulsive and saying things they don't forcibly feel.

Some people have to be completely madly in love before they say it, some say it as soon as they feel a hint of lust. That's why it is good you are taking it all with a pinch of salt and waiting confirmation of his words with actions as indeed, they do always speak louder!

Robin_TBW

katiejones wrote: »

Had a blind date on the Saturday, he moved in on the Sunday. Been together 12 years and married for 6 xx

Perfect match, you must both be mental

Kynthia wrote: »

and his fear of weddings

I have that fear too. Think I'd rather stay unmarried forever.

marisco_2

FBaby wrote: »

Some people have to be completely madly in love before they say it, some say it as soon as they feel a hint of lust

I agree with you. Many people confuse lust with love. Whilst those initial feelings are exciting, intense and wonderful they are not what keeps people together long term.

It is only after taking the time to really get to know each other, the good, the bad and after hopefully not discovering the ugly, that you then begin to fall in love.

To love someone deeply you need to know them inside out and trust them enough for them to have got to know you that well too. That takes a very long time, not something that comes about in a few weeks.

FBaby

These two feelings are so difficult to separate though. I often tell my OH that I love him as much as I did when we first met and the truth is that the feeling I experience now is not that different to what I felt then.

The difference is that it is now based on commitment rather than on expectations and hope, but when I feel that sudden urge of love towards him that prompts me to tell him, it feels just the same as after our first date!

marisco_2

FBaby wrote: »

These two feelings are so difficult to separate though.

The feeling you experience, when you tell your oh that you love him, may well seem the same as when you first met. The reasons behind having those feelings will be different now though. As you say they are based on commitment to each other, rather than those hazy days of lust, when you initially got to know each other.

You are most likely committed because you share a deep, solid bond which has grown over alot of time. You have invested alot of effort in getting to know each other and now love, trust, value and respect each other. It speaks volumes about the strength of your relationship that you have that special spark between you. You are very lucky

Savvy_Sue

ostrichnomore wrote: »

He knows he's rushing me, but can't seem to stop himself.

A friend once told me that if a lady says no, a gentleman will always stop.

Tomby1 wrote: »

She is currently tending to me after having surgery, sleeping in a separate room on a single chair-bed and hasn't complained once - that's when you know you've found the right person

So there's your answer, ostrich: incapacitate him in some way, and see if you're happy to nurse him back to health. :rotfl:

Or perhaps think about whether you'd be willing to do that ...

Actually, it did happen to me, I'd moved to be near my then b/f, and he was laid low for a couple of weeks with the most horrific eczema outbreak you can imagine. By 'laid low' I mean bed bound: even talking was a huge effort which he only expended on other visitors (and he's always been a GREAT talker!)

And I sat there thinking "I've given up my life, moved away from all my friends, for THIS?" And then thought "That's OK, it's what you do when you love someone."

But I don't think you reach that stage in a couple of weeks, normally. Not saying you never do, but I'd say that was the exception.

sjc3

marisco wrote: »

To love someone deeply you need to know them inside out and trust them enough for them to have got to know you that well too. That takes a very long time, not something that comes about in a few weeks.

I completely disagree. Many posters on here have given examples of meeting each other and their relationships moving on at all kinds of paces. Lots of them are still together years later and are saying they are happy.

There is no need to take months or years getting to know someone. Sometimes people can spend too much time worrying and going slowly and not enjoy just getting on with enjoying being together. If you dont like someone after a bit you move on from them, it doesn't have to be a big deal.

VestanPance

I was a slow burn kind of guy with regards to relationships.

It takes me time to develop feelings for anyone and I'd be very wary about anyone declaring love/moving in etc in a short space of time. That just isn't rational behaviour in my mind. I always let the initial excitement/lust or what ever you want to call it settle and then see how things evolve. I think too many people tend to rush in during the opening phase of a relationship declaring love when in truth they hardly even know the person at all.

Then again I don't believe in love at first sight or anything like that. How can you love someone you don't know? I think many people confuse love and lust.