How long before you get serious?

ostrichnomore_2

Hi

Just started seeing a nice chap, but I'm Mrs Cautious, and he is speedy Gonzales, when it comes to our ideas on new relationships. So he's freaking me out a little bit, but then I realise I'm probably on the side of taking it slower than most so it's hard for me to judge whether he's just keen in a good way, or keen in a scary run for the hills way.

so...for a few other views ....how long did it take you, or how long do you think it should take, before a new relationship starts to get serious? Where's the middle ground between rushing and snails pace?

Joons

How long you been dating?

masonsmum

I think it all comes down to what you feel is right, when I met my now partner the last thing I was looking for was a serious relationship as I had broken up with my ex only 4 months before, but I knew 3 weeks into the new relationship that he was the man for me, we booked a holiday within 2 months then he moved in with me as soon as we got home, we now have 2 sons and are getting married later this year.

If you know its right life is too short to waste time, make the most of it!

rjhammond91

It depends on the people involved.

Me and my partner moved in together after 6 months (even before saying the L word!). We moved from South Wales to Devon to be closer to his family (resulting in us moving away from my family! ), but we wanted to stay together and we haven't regretted any of it.

If you want to take things slow, then take them slow x

barbaraemmerson

ummm depends on feelings and circumstances - we were engaged in 10 weeks and married in 10 months!! - oh and will be celebrating our 33rd Wedding anniversary in June - if I could wind back time I would do exactly the same all over again!!

HeadAboveWater

masonsmum wrote: »

when I met my now partner the last thing I was looking for was a serious relationship

Me too!

...but within a few weeks I knew he was for me. We were inseparable. 6 months later I'd moved in with him and his daughters! We'll be 2 years together in June

(and I was with my ex for 6 years :eek:)

onlyroz

Whatever seems right. I was engaged within 3 weeks of meeting hubby, but the record in my family for an engagement is my aunt at 4 days.

Just go at the pace you're comfortable with.

torbrex

Just a word of caution.

Many years ago, I met a girl that I thought was 'the one' but like you I am a bit of a slow mover when it comes to relationships and she wanted to move along at high speed, it frightened the willies out of me and I got even slower :eek: she gave up on me and went with another guy

I met her years later and she told me that she had wished that she had stayed with me as I would have been an anchor for her speedboat.

DayDreamBeliever_2

Totally depends on the individuals, my oh moved in with me after 3 week, we bought a house together after a year and our daughter was born 15 months after we met - it all just felt natural and not rushed at all


Edited to add: I split up with my ex of 8 years a couple of weeks before we met!

Joons

I too am cautious by nature, took us 2 years to move in together, I would advocate taking it slow, it's safer that way, then you know without a doubt that it's right, rather than simply going on your initial feelings of lust and desire etc.

maman

I suppose it also depends on what you mean by serious? Is he trying to make long term plans that will be difficult to undo? Is he trying to monopolise all your free time? Is he trying to share finances?

My advice would be to just enjoy the stage you're at. If it's not comfortable because he's pushing you to make whatever commitment he's offering then say so. Explain that you're naturally cautious and need some time to get used to things. There's no shame in that.