Please help-partners Christian faith feels like the last straw.

heartbreak_star

tyllwyd wrote: »

When I read your post, I couldn't help thinking that you and he are excusing his behaviour because being a Christian is a 'good' thing. If you re-wrote your post, but instead of being obsessed with religion, you replaced that with alcohol, or drugs, or sex talk over the internet, or gambling, then you would be seeing things from a different perspective.

I feel loads of sympathy for you, but everything you have written makes me think you and your daughter would be better off if you left.

This is ABSOLUTELY correct. No-one should feel a poor second to an obsession. In my atheist opinion, this seems more like a cult belief than a normal religion.

Listen to the sensible people of faith on here - even they are telling you to get out.

Don't let him win. Muster your inner strength and get yourself and your child AWAY.

HBS x

LannieDuck

He's an extremist. This has nothing to do with religion and everything to do with fanaticism.

You have a duty to your daughter to protect her from his behaviour. I'm concerned about how his views are going to impact upon her as she gets older.

But above all... you sound miserable. Why are you clinging onto a relationship that makes you so unhappy?

bylromarha

Another Bible preaching, God loving person here telling you to get out, and get out now.

No man following the Bible would behave the way yours is.

The Bible is clear on how people should treat others and it is not this way.

The Bible also gives the command that husbands should love their wives as Christ loves The Church. That is one of the hardest things to do, and I watch my husband try to do this one every day by honouring me, by speaking kind words to me, by affirming me, by comforting me, by supporting me, by assuring me, ultimately by loving me with every ounce of his being.

Whilst I appreciate that he is not your husband, he is choosing to live as a husband by still sharing the house with you, sleeping with you and talking about marriage with you. If he cannot begin to live up to this commandment before marriage, nothing is going to magically change the day you say "I do".

You probably know in your heart it's time to move on...all the best with ending the relationship in the most amicable way for you and your daughter. You know they'll be a wealth of help and support on these boards for you.

All the best topsyturvy x

newbian

My partner is not a Christian, and I only became one recently. But I never treat him the way yours is and I never would. Even if he believes in headship - that is the Christian man runs the household and the wife fully submits - a huge part of that is the responsibility of the man to love and cherish his wife, to physically please her (yes that's in the Bible), and to reflect the love of God into the relationship. That is not what is going on here. Additionally the ridiculous standards he is placing on you - he will do the same to your child.

I think he is subconsciously (or consciously) trying to get you to leave him so that he can be free to date a Christian woman. I have some relatives in an extreme church like this and they hold up "perfect Christian relationships" all the time. Single people and those married to non-Christians (or in this case non-extremists) are made to feel like outcasts. I have even heard the term "spiritually single"!

Maybe you can sit down with him and look at 1 Cor 13 together - this is where it says "love is patient, love is kind..." If he makes up excuses for not living up to this in your relationship, then I think it will be clear that it's not going to work. That's speaking to him on his level.

Torry_Quine

As a Christian I can say that he is not behaving as a Christian should in any way. For one thing he wouldn't be living with you as if married when you aren't.

You really need to think hard if this is the right way for your child to experience family life.

pupsicola

No advice to give as others have already said everything OP. For your own sake and that of your child get out of this degrading relationship as soon as you can.

Little_Vics

newbian wrote: »

Maybe you can sit down with him and look at 1 Cor 13 together - this is where it says "love is patient, love is kind..." If he makes up excuses for not living up to this in your relationship, then I think it will be clear that it's not going to work. That's speaking to him on his level.

One of the best bits of advice I was ever given was about reading this passage out loud and replacing the word 'love' for your name - and seeing how far down the list you can get without lying......

newbian

Little_Vics wrote: »

One of the best bits of advice I was ever given was about reading this passage out loud and replacing the word 'love' for your name - and seeing how far down the list you can get without lying......

That is good advice!

poorly_scammo

He's not a Christian OP. He's a nutter who's using a religion, any would do quite frankly to abuse you and allow him to humiliate you. As another poster noted, it wouldn't matter if he was an alcoholic or drug user; his religion is merely the method of abuse not the cause of it.

I feel for your daughter and think her existence ought to be the reason for your escape if you cannot leave this cretin for your own sake. Do you really want her to grow up believing that his misogynistic excuses for mistreating her mother are normal?

You know what you ought to do. Good luck.

Bangton

I'm so so sorry for your situation...it sounds utterly unbearable.

Personally I think I'd have to leave...I'm not so sure he is deliberately doing this to control and abuse you...I'm more on the side that he has become truly obsessional about religion and really believes the way he is behaving is right. Either way it's not.

It's so easy to tell you to leave when I'm not the one who will have to pick up the pieces but isn't it better to do that and try and make a good life for yourself than leading this existence that is frankly making you sad?

You ask..'How can I get through to him?' I don't think with all the will in the world you can because religion has clearly become his life. Changing someone's beliefs is a very difficult thing to do.

Good luck whatever you decide to do x