Please help-partners Christian faith feels like the last straw.

marisco_2

topsyturvy74 wrote: »

Apart from praying for some sort of miracle I don't know what to do?
I don't know how to get through to him? Sometimes I don't think I have the strength left in me for this any more but neither do I want to be alone.

Thank you for reading.

No healthy relationship involves either one or both partners ever being reduced to; begging, pleading, crying, feeling rejected, being snapped at, preached at, enduring being punished by having affection withheld or being told they are a crazed loony who has lost their marbles.

It is ironic that someone who sees fit to treat you in this deplorable manner then has the nerve to state that he isn't open to debate with the devil or to be persecuted! He clearly has no interest or concern for your feelings at all. It is extremely insulting and offensive to you that he prays for abstinence and sees having a physical relationship with you as a sin.

Faith is very important to many. However I feel it is really cruel, for a person to tell their partner that this is more important in their life, than the person they are sharing it with. Anyone with any decency, would be aware that this will cause someone they are meant to love, to feel cast aside, insignificant and unloved.

When you are in a relationship with someone they should be the person you are closest to. That you share everything with. In a good relationship a couple love, trust, respect and care for each other. They want the best for each other and have each others backs. They are each others best friends and would do anything for each other.

You are being treated horrendously. Your partners approach to life and how he conducts himself around you is also setting a terrible example to your child. You deserve so much better.

Panda78

OP i feel for you. My relationship ended after 13 years in January for religious reasons. It may help you to read my thread and the replies i had, which were a great help to me. My ex is Muslim so the religion is different and i hope i don't offend in saying that i think my ex is actually a little less fanatical than your partner, but it was still a deal breaker for me.

The bottom line is, you are no longer compatible. You don't even need to get hung up on why. Yes, religion makes it more complex and in my case was very embarrassing for me to tell family and friends about, but it's too big a deal to ignore. It's not a hobby you can begrudgingly accept, it changes your whole life. Fine if you fully believe in what is being preached, otherwise it becomes a constant compromise for you.

What struck me from your post is this: "If by the rare chance I did want to marry it would have to be someone who did it from the heart, that I clicked with and was still blissfully happy come five years of being engaged down the line- a soul mate type."

You are scared of losing your familiar routine, however awful it has become. Trust me, you can get through this. 3 months down the line, i am feeling confident enough to control my own life and i am actually still very good friends with my ex. We understand we are no longer right for each other.

Little_Vics

Hello,

I don't know you and you don't know me, so I don't know what weight my words will carry. It's just my opinion, and I don't mean to upset anyone, point the finger or be 'holier than thou'.

I'm a Christian. Grace is sooooo important, and it doesn't seem that there's any of that here. It seems that 'how' he does his faith is more important than 'why' - in a nutshell faith will get you to heaven, not deeds, and this comes from God's grace and unconditional love. It seems that he's trying to earn his place, and so in my opinion is missing the whole point.

So, in earning his salvation, he isn't treating others right. This includes you. If this was happening to a friend of yours, what would you say?

I'm so sorry for you.

xLV

Bufger

Should a 7 year old be exposed to extremest views? Can you imagine what long term impact exposure to this will have?

Dont worry about the financial and emotional implications there is a lift for you out there and plenty of help. You need to start preparing to leave him.

mintymoneysaver

Oh you poor thing. Speaking as a Christian this is not the way he should be behaving. He's had a total life change, but that doesn't mean he should be treating you in this way. He reminds me so much of my mum's cousin, a much older man but a very similar situation. His understanding, Christian wife eventually could take no more when he wanted to go to the Phillipines and convert everybody there, wanted to sell their house to fund it. She was a woman who would have been behind her husband every step of the way, but this was a step too far. She divorced him, he went off to the Phillipines, got fleeced for his money by nasty people out there and ended up coming to a rather grisly end. All of his Christian friends thought he had some sort of breakdown but he wouldn't listen to anyone. his ex wife now sees that a lot of her life was like yours, and that was not what God would have wanted at all.

You do need to leave. You will definitely be all the happier for it, and ultimately so will he. Things turn out for the best if you believe they can. I split up with my husband last year, and as a Christian it was something I really struggled with, but it was absolutely the right decision and I haven't regretted it for a second. He probably feels that sleeping with you is not right as he is not married to you, as this will be part of his new belief. We didn't split up over religion, but the last time we ever had sex was when my husband turned round and said " I can't do this" That really rang a bell with me as I've never forgotten it, even though we struggled on together for a good while afterwards.

Your partner needs to be left to his own slightly warped ideas, and you need to lead a happy life for your daughter's sake. He will still be her daddy, but you will be free. Please pm me if you need anything else x

Errata

neither do I want to be alone.

You're alone now, but you'll be less alone if you move out or kick him out. He's not a well man, and your daughter doesn't deserve to be exposed to his catastrophic parenting.
Stop lying down and making it easier for him to walk all over you.

wannabe_sybil

As a bible quoting, believing, praying Christian can I say that I think you should get out of the relationship as soon as you possibly can.

You are teaching your daughter, who is very impressionable, that it is normal for a woman to have to beg a man for the very basics of human affection. That is is appropriate that one human being should grovel and scrape to get kindness from another. It is not normal.

If you leave this person then you will make room in your life for someone who can love you, give you the affection and passion that is normal for humans.

Lots of people are really nice. I think you should try and find affection and love with one of the nice ones.

margaretclare

Well, I'm a Christian, but I'm not a 'meek Christian woman', nor do I know anyone who is!!

From memory, wasn't it Calvin who decreed that there were a certain number of people who would be 'saved' i.e. go to heaven, and that these people had been 'predestined'. In other words, it doesn't matter what you do, you've been 'predestined' either for heaven or for hell, and you can be the most saintly person in the world, spend your life doing good, and still go to hell if that was your 'predestined' destiny.

I only quote this because you mentioned Calvinism. From my point of view, I've never heard such a load of rubbish in my life and it makes a mockery of all that we did and said last Holy Week and Easter. Generations of people will have suffered from this pernicious doctrine. See Robert Burns' 'Holy Willie's Prayer' in which he satirised this belief, apparently used to be widespread in Scotland.

I agree with those who say 'this is abuse, get out while you can'.

**professor~yaffle**

It sounds like he is addicted to this religion, a bit like someone addicted to drugs. From what you've written he doesn't sound very emotionally mature. I think you'd be better off out of there, if you can.

abailey54

When I read the bit about the bible sending warnings specifically to him and that you have the devil in you I thought - delusions of grandeur!!

Someone I know (the kindest person I know actually) had a girlfriend who was convinced he was evil and was so persistent and emphatic about this that eventually he started to believe it and ended up locking himself in a room for days in terror - don't let this be you, or your little girl. The only way he'll change is if he wants to, and as you say, he thinks the 'new him' is better

No woman (or man) should have to beg for sex or affection in a relationship! You deserve much much better