Only inviting friends with children to a gathering/party for your child's birthday?

view

fluffnutter wrote: »

For what it's worth, view, I make an extra special effort to include one of my friends in my son's life. I hope she doesn't notice because it would probably appear patronising, but I know she really wanted kids and I know she adores all her friends' kids. The thought that I could stop including her in stuff in favour of 'mates with kids' just because I'd managed to procreate but she hadn't would make me ashamed of myself.

what a lovely thing to do! I think we would be friends in the real world! I don't think our friends who do this, do it with spite or otherwise... it may even be a case of with x amount of children and their parents there just isn't enough space ... or stress levels rise per person maybe sort of thing! All good tho... feeling quite cheerful now

Person_one

fluffnutter wrote: »

I agree. But desperately wanting your own and struggling to conceive lends even more of a sadness to this kind of thing.

I'm sure you're right.

lostinrates

fluffnutter wrote: »

For what it's worth, view, I make an extra special effort to include one of my friends in my son's life. I hope she doesn't notice because it would probably appear patronising, but I know she really wanted kids and I know she adores all her friends' kids. The thought that I could stop including her in stuff in favour of 'mates with kids' just because I'd managed to procreate but she hadn't would make me ashamed of myself.

At the end of the day, though, I see her because she's my mate and she's great company. Kids, or no kids, people are still your mates.

For those of us who like children but cannot have them, friends like you are invaluable.

thehappybutterfly

As I described in my earlier post, our group of friends are very close (we don't see each other that often but the closeness remains) - when the kids have birthdays it's an open house. It's not unusual to have 15+ kids of assorted ages and about 30 adults drifting in and out throughout the day. Some stay all afternoon and into the evening (those with kids about the same age as birthday boy/girl), some only stay for 30 minutes (usually the ones without kids) - enough to drop in a card and pressie and say happy birthday.

It's as much a reason for us all to get together to catch up as it for the birthday boy/girl to have fun with their peers.

BTW - these are the parties held at peoples' houses only. If they've hired a room at a play centre/jungle gym, we don't go. We're invited but we choose not to go. These type of parties are purely for kids. And I think seeing a kids' activity centre stowed out with adults is a bit weird.

I have a feeling that maybe only view and person_one will understand where I'm coming from!

View - I wouldn't read too much into it. I doubt your friends are deliberately excluding you but I would say something to them. Keep it light - maybe a few days before the next birthday ask if they're intending to have a party and invite yourself along. We certainly don't get a party invitation complete with tear-off reply slip! It's a given that everyone will be coming along at some point.

ETA: our kids are now teenage+ but we still go to out friends' younger kids' 'garden' parties without our kids.

barbiedoll

Person_one wrote: »

I'd feel hurt too, and have no desire to be in 'the club'.

View, I'm really surprised by the responses you've got here, for what its worth, I completely understand where you're coming from even if nobody else does!

Totally agree with this....Our "group" has couples with kids, a single parent, a couple who haven't yet had kids (not for want of trying) and a couple who don't want any kids at all, thank you very much. We don't exclude the non-parents from the kids' birthday parties, but if they don't want to come, they don't have to.

Obviously, the jelly, ice-cream and birthday cake kiddie parties were for the children and I used to expect the parents to leave the kids with me whilst I roped in my best mate for moral support (and wine-pouring duties!) But I invited everyone to all other gatherings, whether or not there was a birthday involved.

Personally, I love having our child-free friends at our parties. It's nice to talk about something other than kids all the time!

thehappybutterfly

barbiedoll wrote: »

Totally agree with this....Our "group" has couples with kids, a single parent, a couple who haven't yet had kids (not for want of trying) and a couple who don't want any kids at all, thank you very much. We don't exclude the non-parents from the kids' birthday parties, but if they don't want to come, they don't have to.

Obviously, the jelly, ice-cream and birthday cake kiddie parties were for the children and I used to expect the parents to leave the kids with me whilst I roped in my best mate for moral support (and wine-pouring duties!) But I invited everyone to all other gatherings, whether or not there was a birthday involved.

Personally, I love having our child-free friends at our parties. It's nice to talk about something other than kids all the time!

I'm so glad someone mentioned wine! I have been very tipsy at a 3 year old's garden party before I stayed away from all the kids though - and I didn't get near the bouncy castle. Or the BBQ. Or the cake for that matter. I don't know what they thought I was going to do!

barbiedoll

Yes, there's only one thing worse than a kid's birthday party. And that's attending a kid's birthday party as the "designated sober parent" :D

meritaten

as a grandma I do not expect to be invited to grandchildrens birthday parties.
I understand that even if you hire a hall - the kids plus parents equal an awful lot of people you have to cater for. and have room for!
I wouldn't expect the parents to invite any friends without children - for one thing the amount of noise and chaos! would you really enjoy that? if you do, then offer your services to the parents and you will be gratefully grabbed!
personally, I am glad those days of childrens parties are behind me now. I catered my kids parties and tbh - they are not much fun for the adults.

Person_one

meritaten wrote: »

I wouldn't expect the parents to invite any friends without children - for one thing the amount of noise and chaos! would you really enjoy that? if you do, then offer your services to the parents and you will be gratefully grabbed!

Am I odd? Is it really so strange that an adult without children would enjoy seeing them play and have a good time? There's usually a really nice atmosphere at the type of small children's parties I'm thinking of too.

Mind you, we did organise a 'children's party' themed 30th for one of my friends, with pass the parcel and triangular sandwiches and paper hats and had a grand time, so maybe, actually, we are just an odd group! :rotfl:

meritaten

from the age of three the 'child' usually has a social circle of at least 15 to twenty children - not counting family! the old days of having a birthday party at home with a few friends has gone by. nowadays you have to hire either the Albert hall or the local community centre! both parents turn up and watch the little prince or princess like a hawk in case that nasty ADHD child causes harm. or they (god forbid) eat something with ADDITIVES or E Numbers are in. bless her, last year, my DIL went against the grain with this and only invited her DDs real friends from school and family - and got the cold shoulder from DDs classmates parents cos she didn't invite the whole class!