Only inviting friends with children to a gathering/party for your child's birthday?

lostinrates

view wrote: »

Many times we don't even know there is a party, (why would we be told?) and so to offer to help is a lovely idea, but not knowing sort of puts the stop on that!

I would tentatively suggest these sort of situations the friendships might to be as close as you feel they might be?

If not, You might not know there is a party, but presumably you know there are birthdays approaching...do you ask what they are planning for the birthday due in a couple of months?

My close friends I know they are having parties, dinner parties etc to which I am not invited, they ask for recipes, or groan that so and so's dreadful boyfriend is there- but what can we do when be both love so and so and the boyfriend is part of her package now, and we often share details of the beautiful shoes so and so wore, or the souflees failing to rise or how it went,:)

I think it's unrealistic to be expected to invited to the parties, unless you are a god parent or a rather close friend.

ognum

view wrote: »

Thanks, hadn't actually thought of it from the 'shielding us' as we can't have children. To be balanced however, I would say we haven't discussed our children or rather lack of, in depth with many friends. I presume most of them think we're not interested in having them. I don't like feeling like I'm burdening someone with our 'takes of woe' so although all of the folk I'm speaking of are consider to be good friends, we haven't discussed it.

I noticed at Christmas a friend literally 2 minutes away had a get together before they headed off to the US (my friend is American) with our mutual friends - again only those with kids. I didn't mind as, in my head I was thinking it's probably a Santa for the kiddies sort of get together, however, found out later through accident that it wasn't - more of a grown up get together to have a few drinks, however, only those with kids were invited. My American friend who mentioned it sort of caught herself half way and said 'it was just for the kids' in an embarrassed sort of way.

Now, I'm not saying we should be invited to everything... but I guess just the 'you have kids, you're in' sort of thing is probably more hurtful than 'you're good friends and our kids love you, but no, not for you'.

This is not just one set of friends by the way... different circles of parents do this..

I'm not losing sleep over it, just something that I've noticed from time to time.

Many times we don't even know there is a party, (why would we be told?) and so to offer to help is a lovely idea, but not knowing sort of puts the stop on that!

In truth some children just before Christmas can be pretty hyper and maybe they had done little presses for/ with the kids. I do think they maybe think that it's not your thing.

It can be very hard to tell people how you feel about having/wanting children but we can't expect them to understand unless they know.

So try to be honest, say you would love to join it, it won't make you sad, angry or jealous you would just like to help out. Watch out for the babysitting requests though!!!,

view

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

Whenever our group of friends' kids have birthdays, everyone's invited - whether they have kids or not. The kids are in the back garden on the trampoline, hired bouncy castle, whatever; the mums and olds are in the house chatting; and the dads and older kids are outside supervising the little ones. Kids' birthday parties are the best!

Yes, this is exactly what I am talking about. It's what we would do if we were in this position. I mean our friends know we love kids, especially their kids and so therefore just because we don't have kids seems odd to not invite the 'couple without kids' when everyone else is invited??

view

lostinrates wrote: »

I would tentatively suggest these sort of situations the friendships might to be as close as you feel they might be?.

Yes, I could agree as it's just chat on a forum, however, the friends I'm speaking of (and as mentioned a few times, it's more than one set of friends here) are close. We go on holidays together, we have nights out regularly, we chat, go for walks, lunches, dinners etc.. etc..

lostinrates wrote: »

I think it's unrealistic to be expected to invited to the parties, unless you are a god parent or a rather close friend.

agree - however, we are close friends.. even to say this is the 'group' for the want of a better word... there is one other couple who are childless too, and they're not invited either. I don't look at this as 'woe is me' or it's something that we have done... it's more of a odd thing I've found since the kiddies came along.

view

ognum wrote: »

Watch out for the babysitting requests though!!!,

yah, we already do this - unless we're already out with friends anyway. Or we look after the kids whilst the parents slip off to do Christmas/birthday shopping etc..

mrsjanebanbury2009

I agree with valk; they probably think that being invited to a kids party is the LAST thing you want, not so much to shield you but because kids parties are (OK, can be) absolute mayhem, loads of screaming and rushing around, spilt food, crying, raucous laughter - why on earth would you want to be there??? Much nicer to go out on a more peaceful and smaller occasion with your friends and their kids separately - park, pub, pizza?

view

mrsjanebanbury2009 wrote: »

I agree with valk; they probably think that being invited to a kids party is the LAST thing you want, not so much to shield you but because kids parties are (OK, can be) absolute mayhem, loads of screaming and rushing around, spilt food, crying, raucous laughter - why on earth would you want to be there??? Much nicer to go out on a more peaceful and smaller occasion with your friends and their kids separately - park, pub, pizza?

because the below is so much fun! :j plus we love kids, my husband works with kids and also loves it.. we especially love our friend's kids.
"Whenever our group of friends' kids have birthdays, everyone's invited - whether they have kids or not. The kids are in the back garden on the trampoline, hired bouncy castle, whatever; the mums and olds are in the house chatting; and the dads and older kids are outside supervising the little ones. Kids' birthday parties are the best!"

we have been invited to some kids parties and some not (depending on the friend) I'm not taking it personally, I just found it a 'little' hurtful but not hugely cry for hours woe is me sort of thing... it's just an oddity I guess when you're so involved othewise...

cutestkids

I think you are reading way too much into this OP.

I have kids some of my friends have kids and some do not.

I would not expect to be invited to a Birthday party for my friends kids nor would they expect to be invited to my kids parties.

If my friends kids are the same age and friendly with my kids then they may or may not be invited depending on what type of party it is.

I honestly have never invited a grown up apart from a very close relative to any of my kids parties and I have never been invited to any of my friends kids parties.

When the children were all very young say under 5 years old, parents tended to stay at parties with them to supervise etc but were not invited themselves.

I really think that you are expecting something that is just not done normally when it comes to kids and parties.

view

cutestkids wrote: »

I really think that you are expecting something that is just not done normally when it comes to kids and parties.

perhaps... but why? When you're so involved in close friends and their kids lives all year round... but when there is a gathering on to celebrate the birthday, friends without children become invisible?

I don't think I'm reading into anything - I've said a few times that it was slightly hurtful, as I didn't understand there were 'rules' per se. I'm not losing sleep, nor worrying about it - just find it a bit of an oddity.

As mentioned, some friends invite those without kids, some don't... was really just to see what others did/thought with a view to understanding the 'don't'. You're obviously the 'don't'

Dunroamin

Do people really invite adults (other than, perhaps, the guests' parents) to a child's party? Why?