Anybody else watching this?

Errata

However, none of it, not one bit, explains her actions in the aftermath of it all. That's the bit that I, and I suspect many others, really struggle to comprehend.

I don't. She could have shopped him to the police and they would have kept her safe. She didn't because she was thinking of her own skin, not the lives of her children. And that has nothing to do with low self esteem or DV, just her own selfish needs.

marisco_2

Cooper18 wrote: »

Dizz, please don't take this the wrong way, and I'm not being flippant (I've already admitted ignorance on the whole women/DV thing) - do you think that being downtrodden is one thing but conspiring to set your house on fire with 6 of your children inside is something else entirely? A woman may be lacking in intellect, and under some sort of spell or control - but pouring petrol into your hall while your kids are upstairs? Do women in a DV situation stop caring about their kids? I genuinely can't understand the choices Mairead made, as I said I think she needs hanging - but I'd be open to mitigation in her case more than Micks.

I agree with you 100%. I suffered domestic violence, emotional and physical abuse. It got to the stage that the police put me on their highest level of risk and had our family home on immediate response, before I found the courage to leave. I had gone along to make a statement fully expecting to be told off for wasting police time over nothing more than normal domestic ups and downs. The reaction I got to my disclosures shocked me and woke me up to what I had been enduring.

I can say without a shadow of a doubt though that at no time during that awful period would I have been persuaded or controlled to pour petrol into my hall and set fire to our house with our kids upstairs. No way on earth.

Cooper18

marisco wrote: »

I agree with you 100%. I suffered domestic violence, emotional and physical abuse. It got to the stage that the police put me on their highest level of risk and had our family home on immediate response, before I found the courage to leave. I had gone along to make a statement fully expecting to be told off for wasting police time over nothing more than normal domestic ups and downs. The reaction I got to my disclosures shocked me and woke me up to what I had been enduring.

I can say without a shadow of a doubt though that at no time during that awful period would I have been persuaded or controlled to pour petrol into my hall and set fire to our house with our kids upstairs. No way on earth.

Thanks for your insight, and I hope you have found a peaceful life for yourself now. Please believe me when I say not all men are !!!!!!!s.

This is what I thought. It's one thing to be controlled - but putting your kids in harms way? I can't get that. Even if Mick was battering her every night she might have seen that as so normal she'd not care if he battered the kids - but setting a fire, something so deadly and unpredictable? That's the equivalent of walking them through a minefield.

Cooper18

Errata wrote: »

I don't. She could have shopped him to the police and they would have kept her safe. She didn't because she was thinking of her own skin, not the lives of her children. And that has nothing to do with low self esteem or DV, just her own selfish needs.

Was starting to waver on the Mairead thing but this is 100% correct. I'm back to wanting to throw pitchforks at her.

marisco_2

Cooper18 wrote: »

Thanks for your insight, and I hope you have found a peaceful life for yourself now. Please believe me when I say not all men are !!!!!!!s.

Thank you. I am lucky to have great friends and a loving, supportive family. My ex has not made me see all guys in a bad light at all. I accept that he had his own issues and problems and they are for him to overcome. Not every man is the same.

It was when the police told me that my children would be next that I decided there and then that, that was it. I would never have allowed our children to have been hurt, emotionally or otherwise.

This all happened 7 years ago now. I live in a new area in a lovely home, have a fantastic job and the children are happy and thriving. Life is better than I ever imagined it could be. We have come full circle.

fluffnutter

Cooper18 wrote: »

do you think that being downtrodden is one thing but conspiring to set your house on fire with 6 of your children inside is something else entirely?

I do. I have every sympathy with people in abusive relationships and I think it's an incredibly complex problem. But I also know that, for many women, the point when they realise their kids are at risk is the point that finally makes them do something about it and leave.

Abuse me, hit me, violate me, I'll survive. Do the same to my baby and I'll kill you.

Cooper18

marisco wrote: »

Thank you. I am lucky to have great friends and a loving, supportive family. My ex has not made me see all guys in a bad light at all. I accept that he had his own issues and problems and they are for him to overcome. Not every man is the same.

It was when the police told me that my children would be next that I decided there and then that, that was it. I would never have allowed our children to have been hurt, emotionally or otherwise.

This all happened 7 years ago now. I live in a new area in a lovely home, have a fantastic job and the children are happy and thriving. Life is better than I ever imagined it could be. We have come full circle.

Congrats for getting yourself (and your kids) to this place.

Sometimes folks just need an outsider to point out the bloomin obvious because when you're too involved in something it becomes your normal. And abuse of any sort should never be anyone's normal.

sassyblue

Errata wrote: »

I don't. She could have shopped him to the police and they would have kept her safe. She didn't because she was thinking of her own skin, not the lives of her children. And that has nothing to do with low self esteem or DV, just her own selfish needs.

What would the police have done though? They can't arrest him because he said he was going to do it, they wait for actions.

I know they could have bugged him but how long would that have taken to be set up? Would there have been enough time?

Cooper18

sassyblue wrote: »

What would the police have done though? They can't arrest him because he said he was going to do it, they wait for actions.

I know they could have bugged him but how long would that have taken to be set up? Would there have been enough time?

I think Erratta meant AFTER the fire she could've shopped him. But was too busy thinking of her own skin.

FatVonD

She could have taken the kids away for the weekend and let him set light to the house while they weren't there.

Once she knew it had gone horribly wrong she could have admitted it and spent the last 2 days of her eldest's life sat by his bed instead of trying to save their own skins instead.