Daughter leaving home......

midnightraven3

is she blowing this out of proportion so she can go live with the boyfriend and play the poor me card to his parents?

or any chance she has a genuine grievance against her brother and is fed up of it all?

Tropez

Does her brother "borrow" things a lot or generally invade her space quite a lot?

She's at an age where she will want to feel like an adult; most teenagers of that age, for instance, will want people to knock before entering and become very protective of what they see as "their" property. If her brother persistently shows such disregard for her belongings and her personal space then perhaps it is a case of many small issues culminating in what appears to be an overreaction?

Most of us eventually blow up if the small things that annoy us push our buttons regularly and it really wouldn't surprise me if she has added irritability from having CFS as failures to adequately cope with stresses is often part of CFS, as it is for many of us who feel physically and mentally exhausted without suffering from CFS.

lostinrates

Tropez wrote: »

Does her brother "borrow" things a lot or generally invade her space quite a lot?

She's at an age where she will want to feel like an adult; most teenagers of that age, for instance, will want people to knock before entering and become very protective of what they see as "their" property. If her brother persistently shows such disregard for her belongings and her personal space then perhaps it is a case of many small issues culminating in what appears to be an overreaction?

Most of us eventually blow up if the small things that annoy us push our buttons regularly and it really wouldn't surprise me if she has added irritability from having CFS as failures to adequately cope with stresses is often part of CFS, as it is for many of us who feel physically and mentally exhausted without suffering from CFS.

I agree with this. While not saying her behaviour is acceptable ( or the cfs an 'excuse' for it) I know it's the little things that push me over the edge as they mount up and up.


Handling her cfs and the dog's needs etc need to be tackled, but perhaps at another time?

It does read a little as if your son is getting of a bit lightly. The shops aren't open, certainly, but it might have been today she wanted the energy drink, just like he did. ( as a matter of interest though, are these sort of things good for cfs sufferers? )

claire16c

Im sure she wont leave home permenantly - maybe for a couple of nights and then she'll be back. I dont think you need to worry.

Her brother needs to apologise and replace the drink.

elsien

I did wonder as well if this was a bit of strop about other issues that might be getting to her that she hasn't been able to verbalise.
With the best will in the world, is she maybe feeling a little bit smothered by you wanted to do your best by her. Especially if you're keeping going back to talk her round - in my teenage days that would been guaranteed to make me dig my heels in and send me running for the hills.
I'd suggest maybe let her get off to the boyfriends overnight then try to find out what's really going on when you've both had a bit of breathing space.
It could be a mixture of wanting to be independent but not being able to due to the CFS but quite liking being spoilt and looked after at other times, family getting on her nerves, full moon, whatever!
Sometimes the more you push, the more people back away. However good your motivation.

Poppy9

Tell her to take her dog with her!

As you know where she is going and she will be safe let her go. If she isn't working and has no income I'm sure her BF family will soon get fed up.

duchy

Poppy9 wrote: »

Tell her to take her dog with her!

As you know where she is going and she will be safe let her go. If she isn't working and has no income I'm sure her BF family will soon get fed up.

I was going to say the same ....If she's grown up enough to leave home -she's grown up enough to take her dog with her and deal with finding somewhere that takes dogs too ...... Hopefully the boyfriend's parents will be less than thrilled and encourage her to come home ! (a dog in tow should help that process)

Fire_Fox

I left home at 17 after being politely invited to - I was a brat - one of the best things for me because I had to start paying my way, grew up and slowly came around to appreciating my mother particularly. I did return at 19 for a little while before relocating to be with my then boyfriend (now ex husband).

My dad is still my dad, my mum is still my mum and we have a fantastic relationship now, a later relocation was partly to live closer to them. Loving parents often carry on doing things for you for life, you never completely stop being their little girl/ boy. I also now have a good relationship with my sibling whereas we HATED one another until I moved out, they confided in me about something shortly after I left and I honestly am not sure that would have happened had I stayed.

Honestly let your daughter go, it could be the making of her and her relationships with the whole family. Dismissing her feelings and trying to push her to stay is likely to just make her more stubborn. Sorry but telling your son to replace the drink is not discipline, surely there are consequences for taking other people's property without asking? That is stealing outside the home.

Errata

Poppy9 wrote: »

Tell her to take her dog with her!

.

I wouldn't do that, I'd put the dog on its lead and hand the lead to the BF.;)

Funky_Bold_Ribena

Aw, brothers stealing stuff is good practice for when you live in a shared house and all your jacket potatoes/cottage cheese/conditioner [ad infinitum] goes mysteriously missing as soon as you pop round to the shop for milk.

Definitely start packing up the dog's things as well.