Aprils Fool No More!!!

angelpye

Hi all, I am having a bit of a day of it - looking at and revising budgets and feeling ashamed, anxious, angry with myself and mostly like I have let the kids down. How can I have done this to us again? I know the answer and some debt was accumulated in a very impossible situation and some from sheer stupidity.
It feels too much - not in a suicidal way just an anxious bad mother way. Why couldn't I just not spend? I need to understand myself more. The damage done can't be taken back so I know I have to dust myself off and march on but my babies...I have let them down.
Last night and this morning I have been doing a more concise food /household budget as with all the intolerances and skin sensitivity my girls and I suffer nothing is cheap. And now by the end of this month stocks of everything will be low I had to know what is what.
Well I know now that I can make 30 decent healthy balanced meals for £50. Its just snacks, drinks, breakfast, lunch, cleaning products and toiletries that take that up to £200! I have squeezed it as much as I can but we need some treats ie shop bought biscuits, fruit bars, yogurts etc - nothing special. And we need fruit and our dietary bits. Its just all so expensive!
Sorry to moan and I am taking my own advice about picking myself up. Now going to revise my spends budget from may onwards looking at everything that I spend outside of bills and food. Hmmm...may take a while.

Marching on.

NinjaSavingKat

Anglepye have you used Approved Foods. Do a massive snack delivery to cover two months.. it works out better! Yoghurts at Tesco Everyday Value are 38p x 4 and yummy (even the black cherry flavour ) - fruit you don't compromise on but crips / snack bars / biscuits etc are all on Approved Foods!!

You have realised the problem and you are setting about to fix it. This is why you are on the up. Don't beat yourself up - this bad has to happen before you can get things tied fown to miniscule detail, plan entirely and prepare for what lies ahead.

I doubt your girls see you as a bad mother. I appreciate your contibution though even in the bad times... the thread is here to vent with! Let us know what you pull out of your hat though!

Onwards and Upwards!

angelpye

Thanks Kat, I will look at the site again. Tbh I only allow £3 a week for biscuits and fruit bars - dd2 is very allergic to many things but rich tea and cheap Bourbons or fig rolls she can eat if she gets there before dd1. Dietician says to give her crisps and twiglets to increase fat as she eats very little fat due to excluded foods. Cheap yogurts I do buy although did eats 2 at a time - must challenge this more but we also have to buy soya ones which are £1.75:for 4 and I buy two packs a week. We have to buy three different types of milk, be careful about bread and can't use cheap washing powder etc. Two types of butter/spread too. All in all the breakfast and sandwich with drinks and fruit is £24 a week!
Its OK I am sure I can do this but I want the debt gone and its going to be slow progress. So many other things have to be accounted for hair, clothes, birthdays, Xmas, school trips, shoes...as you know the list goes on and on! Just anxious is all.
I have applied for ppi and no idea if willl get a payout but thought I should do it. My problem is no records or recollection so its a long shot! Oh well, just keep at it.
I dream of emergency funds, holiday account and being debt free!

NinjaSavingKat

You dream the same dream as everyone here! But it doesn't have to be just a dream. Start telling "Madam Two Yoghurts":p.. that perhaps some clothes need to be substituted for eating habits as Mummy needs some help? How old are they and could you get them involved in money saving etc? ...it's clearly very hard when dietary requirements are taken into consideration as they are not something you can avoid ever.... I am glad you are sharing... keep us updated...

his_missus

Hi Kat,

Regarding your query about your friend, I think the fact you called her one of the group you used to hang out with speaks volumes. There must be a reason why you no longer hang out with them. Perhaps she did feel obliged to attend as you'd made an effort for her birthday. Maybe she has her own worries and debt you're not aware of.

I had a really close group of friends at the school I used to work at. (Jonesy I really empathise with what you're going through - leaving friends behind and starting a new job.) However, few have kept in touch and TBH I don't have a lot in common with most of them outside of the school environment. There's only 3 who actually make the effort if I don't make the first move.

Personally Kat, I'd say nothing to the friend involved, unless you're concerned there are deeper issues in her life. Take a step back and if she's a true friend she will make the effort to be part of your life.

I like the idea of hiring out your "tea party set" but I'd be concerned over breakages etc. Could you resell them?

NinjaSavingKat

HM - this is the same girl that inherited £30,000 and won't spend it on her debt. She doesn't want to "waste" it...:p. She is currently paying off a £10,000 debt. However you are right I don't know all her circumstances - but a quick "Kat i only have £10 for you" - will suffice as opposed to having tat passed off as a 30th Birthday Gift or no explanation at all. We are friends after all.

There is a reason I have taken a step back from her and my birthday was the pivotal date in my diary for a few things...( seeing if this group was worth the effort being one of them ) and I personally don't feel they are.

So yes - I have questioned a few friendships in my life and it's sad but I feel with me only looking after me (parents in another country, no-one to fall back on regarding housing, no family to visit at weekends for "sunday dinner" etc etc ) - emotionally I need to remain strong and with like minded people which she isn't one of.

Regarding breakages I would charge what I feel I would need to replace the item. A list of rules and regulation will have to be signed when items are taken - i.e... £50 for two weeks, £20 per week thereafter. Booking requires a £10 non-refundable fee which will be deducted from the balance upon payment. Breakages will be priced at £5 per cup and saucer reaching £20 for complete sets of cup, saucers and plate... etc etc... although this is just an example...

his_missus

Kat - I guess then this group of friends has served its purpose, sad as it may feel to admit that. You definitely don't friends dragging you down.

Worth looking into hiring out your tea sets. Maybe search out whether anyone else in your area does this and compare prices etc.

Mancman86

Unfortunately friendships do run their course, especially if they have been a good mate in the past it can be upsetting. And leave you very frustrated. I once got stabbed in the back by a good mate because I broke up with his girlfriends best mate( i was pushed into the relationship to start with). I told him and his girlfriend our friendship had ran its course and they couldnt understand why.

Got to by a new suit this weekend as got an interview for a better, more well paid job next week.

Mancman86

P.S Sorry for my very poor spelling today, my dyslexia is kicking in.

Jonesy88

All this talk of jobs and interviews is very positive! Onwards and Upwards as we (Kat) would say. Thank you everyone for the good luck and good vibes regarding my job - day 2 was good

Kat Answering the phones was exactly like that. Definitely rabbit caught in headlights but everyone was tied up and i couldnt just let it ring.

his missus i am missing my friends but we have arranged to meet up next week so hopefully we'll keep in touch. I speak to my best friend every day anyway.

Talking of friends, i have known my oldest friend for 23 years. In some respects we are close due to our shared history but i think if we met now we wouldnt even like each other, we're just so different. Its sad and we do still meet now and then, but sometimes i come away thinking "i havent actually enjoyed myself". Or i have to bend over backwards to exchange xmas presents etc and it feels like too much hassle.

I have 3 friend groups: school/"old" friends (who im not close to but like to think they are), uni friends (who live in the area so we see each other regularly - we're close but dont share intimate details) and (ex)work mates (the closest group which contains my best friend )

In other news, hubby has just given me a chocolate bar with a cup of tea small things.