In hell: the B.W. Fox debt journal

B.W._Fox

catewithers wrote: »

B.W._Fox wrote: »

I have no intention of letting go of the tiger's tail. I'm not ignoring the problem

Don't misunderstand me as well!! I know you have no intention of letting it go! All I'm saying is that while you're letting the dust settle - ie. leaving the heavy conversation for a little bit to allow things to calm down - make sure that she's not just assuming that you're hoping it'll all jsut go away!

It seems that the pattern in your relationship is that you both assume the other is thinking/doing/feeling things that you may well not be.

Forgive me if I'm wrong and feel free to correct me most firmly!

Nope, I think you've hit the nail on the head.

Speaking of Jenga, we used to play cards every now and then. We used to go out, pre baby. It seems like our lives revolve around the telly schedule now.

Mon - New Tricks
Tue - CSI
Wed - lots of flipping, usually what's on More4
Thu - House, Shark
Fri - NCIS, Have I Got News For You or similar
Sat - repeats of NCIS, taped episodes of Law & Order: Criminal Intent and/or CSI: New York
Sun - Grey's Anatomy

How can I lure us away from the telly? Easier to talk when a show isn't on.

Finding a trusted babysitter would be nice, so we could enjoy a night away once a month. I think after July, if all goes according to plan, I could budget in however much one costs.

catewithers

B.W._Fox wrote: »

How can I lure us away from the telly? Easier to talk when a show isn't on.

Finding a trusted babysitter would be nice, so we could enjoy a night away once a month. I think after July, if all goes according to plan, I could budget in however much one costs.

I agree - the telly is a real killer - my DH is one who likes to relax by watching telly. I just get really bored with it and can't see the point of sitting in front of something that doesn't interest me. Consequentially, he's tried to make a real effort to watch less. Rather than just switching it on out of habit, he's now more likely to put some music on and pick up a book.

If you used to play cards then do it again!! Suggest that instead of flicking about on Wednesday night you play cards. Unless you initiate change, change will not happen!

Not sure I can help you much with the babysitter front I'm afraid - my biggest problem is finding dog and chicken sitters! Maybe asking for recommendations from others? Other parents of children at your child's nursery? Asking members of staff at the nursery? Wages in childcare aren't great, they might be grateful for the opportunity to earn a little extra by babysitting for a child they know. In return, your child already knows them and you knwo they're qualified. I'm assuming that you don't have family nearby who might be able to help?

HTH

Sus1e

Perhaps you should schedule a regular review of finances (once a week to start with and then once a month etc)? This way you can show how much progress you are making and what your next targets are?

I sit down with my OH and plan things at the start of the month so we know what is likely to hit us (Car tax, 2x car insurance, holiday payment, house insurance and contents insurance, MOT and 2x car services within 2 weeks this month - Ouch!!) I find it really helps us with knowing where we are. We also use the time to talk about other things which we need to discuss - and afterwards, we have a takeout/nice meal as a treat.........

Storm

Grey's Anatomy finished last Sunday - so you've got one free night there straightaway! Playing cards sounds like a good plan as you can talk whilst you're doing it, put music on for background and just chill!

chevalier

Hi there don't if you are doing any of these, but every little helps. Both you and your OH can sign up

https://www.lightspeed.com - this is a survey site, where you get points which turn into vouchers (you choose). May not help with the cash flow, but the vouchers could be saved towards birthday/xmas or given as presents.

https://www.caio.co.uk - survey site that gives money. A bit fits and starts ie no surveys for a couple of weeks, then three or four the same day.

https://www.yougov.co.uk - again paid surveys. However takes a while to get to the minimum payout level

https://www.pigsback.co.uk - this is a points site, ie they give you points for buying things via their site. BUT you also get points for signing up for news letters (some of which are even interesting!), and also for clicking on adverts with pink borders. I have spent NOTHING with them but got a £10 voucher through this week (only been registered since January). There is also a thread in the freebies section, which gives you all the daily answers to the competitions so you can have a better chance of winning on them.

https://www.mutualpoints.com - another points for clicks site. You can also buy things via their site and get points too. For a long time, I just clicked the links in the emails they send you, and that gets you 5 points. At 3000 points you get £20 I think. You can do searches via their site and that gets you points too.

https://www.quidco.com - this is a cash back site, so very good, for checking if any potential new insurers (ie if you have checked your contents insurance say and found a new provider), are offering cash back. Eg Lloyds was offering £120 cashback on new policies at one point (the offers do change). You can also get small amounts of cash again for doing searches via their site. You can earn 52p a day by doing this. Every little helps.

https://www.greasypalm.co.uk - another cash back site, where you can do searches and get small amounts of money. But it all adds up. I think you can get about 50p a day on there for nothing. Minimum payout is £20 I think, but you can sign up to survey sites via there, and get extra money that way for nothing.

Also if you had an endowment you can write to your provider suggesting you might have been misinformed about its performance. Many people have got money back on that. There are articles from Martin on the main site about how to go about doing this.

Are you in the correct banding for your council tax? Again there is an article by Martin on the main website about how to go about checking this. If you are in the wrong band and due a rebate, it is for all the year you have been living in the house since 1991, so this can be several thousand pounds back.

hope this helps a little, and best of luck with the talk when you do it. Perhaps you might want to arrange a time today for later in the week, so you can both prepare for it?
chev

B.W._Fox

My SOA, for what it's worth. I don’t want to hear anything about what my OH contributes, because that’s a whole other pile of wax. Suffice to say there is a discrepancy in our earnings that favours her, but we share 50/50. I discussed this earlier and if you click on my name you can find the other post that discusses it.

Monthly Incomings:

My salary - £1,340 (temp work, ~£310/wk)
Soon to become ~£1600 (8-month contract)

Total - £1,340 approx. -> £1600 fer definite

Monthly Outgoings:

Bills - £475 (paid into 'house' account that wife monitors)
Food and petrol - £148 (on average for the last 4 months)
Life Insurance - £27.01
Childminder - £260 (£130/wk shared equally)
Daughter's 'university' account (in addition to her child benefit) - £20
Student loan in US - £95 minimum payment
Barclays additions fee - £11.50
Barclays overdraft interest - ~£15 (usually between £10 and £16)
Repayment of overpayment (interest-free) - £20 until July 2009
Loan from friend (interest-free) - £20 until November 2009
Lottery - £14
Going out – tapas once a month, £30 for the three of us
Alcohol – nil (two beers since 10 April, stomach virus detox :rolleyes: )
Coffee – nil (none since 10 April)
Ciggies – nil (one cigar since 26 December 2002)
Birthdays - £8.33 (£100/yr)
Xmas - £25 (£300/yr)
Haircuts – nil (the clippers have paid for themselves three times already)
Fiddly bits - ~£50 (where I can really cut down – pastry, snacks, train tickets, bus fares, etc.)

Total: £1,218.84

Where I'm looking to crack down:
1. Overdraft first, then get rid of Additions = £26.50/month
2. Ditch the student loan and bring it to the UK on a ~4.9% card (~£27/mo interest would become ~£19/mo) or tart until I've paid it off.

How I'm going to do it:
1. Get a credit card to build history and pay it off in full each month
1a. Set up childcare voucher system at new place of work
2. Pinch pennies for two months to spend a day in the black, and switch to Alliance and Leicester current account, 0% overdraft
3. Stringent budgeting until I'm out of the overdraft proper
4. Apply for Egg card; see no.1
5. Apply for 0% balance transfer card;
6. Advance the money to pay off the loan from Egg, immediate balance transfer to 0% card
7. Tart or negotiate a 4.9% rate
8. Pay it off in big chunks
9. Set up ISA (NS&I, probably)
10. Stooze while switching accounts for favourable rates

Or something like that ...

misspoppy

Hi

Half way through I started to remember your first post with your SOA and there was a lot of critisism of your wifes attitude. I take it nothing has changed because really unless you both accept that marriage is a partnership and you pool resources or at least split it fairly you are always going to have money problems and therefore tensions within your marriage.

The bottom line is that nothing will change if you both don't change.

catewithers

Calling Foxy! Calling Foxy!!

How are you doing today?

B.W._Fox

catewithers wrote: »

I agree - the telly is a real killer - my DH is one who likes to relax by watching telly. I just get really bored with it and can't see the point of sitting in front of something that doesn't interest me. Consequentially, he's tried to make a real effort to watch less. Rather than just switching it on out of habit, he's now more likely to put some music on and pick up a book.

If you used to play cards then do it again!! Suggest that instead of flicking about on Wednesday night you play cards. Unless you initiate change, change will not happen!

Not sure I can help you much with the babysitter front I'm afraid - my biggest problem is finding dog and chicken sitters! Maybe asking for recommendations from others? Other parents of children at your child's nursery? Asking members of staff at the nursery? Wages in childcare aren't great, they might be grateful for the opportunity to earn a little extra by babysitting for a child they know. In return, your child already knows them and you knwo they're qualified. I'm assuming that you don't have family nearby who might be able to help?

HTH

You're right, we don't have family nearby. Our childminder has looked after our daughter once, but possibly we could get either of two sets of neighbours to house/babysit while we're out and pay them in wine.

B

catewithers

As a childless person I'm always happy to babysit for those friends of ours who do have sprogs and payment in wine is always very much appreciated!