In hell: the B.W. Fox debt journal

deliciosa

((((((big hugs)))) I had tears in my eyes reading your post. This is awful. please don't give up.

B.W._Fox

immoral_angeluk wrote: »

Just wanted to send massive hugs as it sounds like you need them. Have you told her how you're feeling? It could just be the hormones making everything worse or the shock of finding out she's pregnant if you weren't trying for a baby.
As someone else suggested write down all the things that are in your head in bullet points and discuss the list with your wife. If she loves you she'll come round and support you. Did you have the vows 'For better or for worse' at your wedding? That should be the case here.

We were trying. When it was obvious we were pregnant things started to accelerate.

The trouble might lie in the fact that we don't sit down and talk about money/mortgages/plans. I think I work fairly literally; I don't think we had pinned down a strategy on paper. If I had figures and scenarios to play with, then it would be easier to say Yes or No to ideas.

I think she's upset because a plausible avenue of approaching the problem of moving/remortgaging, in her mind, has been squashed, and it's my action that has caused it. Of course I'm ignorant of that as we haven't discussed it.

'Loyalty, trust, faith, hope and love' were our vows. I'm running out of her trust.

lynzpower

when you say remortgageing what do you mean>? Are you meaning to take care of the debt?

B.W._Fox

Storm wrote: »

On a practical note - could the fact that you're not a naturalised citizen be part of why you're not getting offered the permanent jobs?

It has shut the door on public sector - I worked as a temporary in the Civil Service for two years in the early Noughties but the Counter-Terrorism Clearance (CTC) rules changed to outlaw anyone bar British and Commonwealth citizens from holding clearance.

Storm wrote: »

One thing she may well be especially worried about with the new contract is that if she's due on 1st December, your contract is likely to end whilst she's still on maternity leave - which is understandable in a way, yet obviously yelling doesn't help!

Totally understandable. Thanks for that.

Storm wrote: »

If you don't feel confident discussing things with her have you tried writing her a letter - explain that you often can't think of the words immediately when you're talking, so you need to write it down to get it right. If she doesn't understand the changes your making or how fed up you are, then you need to tell her - and ask her to do the same for you.

Hey - PAs can earn a good old wedge, and 36 is still a spring chicken! You've got a wife, daughter & bump who all love you, a good job for 8 months and a load of people on these boards that will support you as much as we can.

I had a good conversation with my current boss. She advised me to keep that job and to keep looking. Perhaps if the PA comes back I'll have found a niche within the company. As it's moving and expanding, I might be able to move and expand into office management.

I will tell her, as soon as the coals cool off in this section of Hades.

B.W._Fox

Seaxwyn wrote: »

You've also got a fantastic sense of humour. That is the first thing Ive seen on these forums that actually made me laugh out loud.

I aim to please.

Seaxwyn wrote: »

I'd be chuffed with a fridge magnet for my birthday too. I got a paperback from Oxfam from my OH for my birthday and I was touched with that.

I'd be happy with that myself.

I think there are two different mindsets at work - in hindsight, Saturday was an acid test. I'm happy with one gift if it's heartfelt (and she feels really guilty with just getting me one) as I feel as time goes on my birthdays are less about materials and more about time with people. Whereas, her mother and sister and she, they lived with deprivation for a while after the parents divorced, and they generally put together a profusion of presents, even if most're inexpensive or jokey.

chunky79

I didn't want to read and run.

From what i can tell the marriage has communication problems, you really need to talk about this together as a couple and become united. Once your wife knows how you feel i am sure she will mellow.

She is pg and hormones do have alot to answer for.

If your wife does know your situation then i am surprised at the reaction to the gift you got her. You could have not bothered.

Hope this week starts to pick up for you all.

dreams_R_free

I just had to add my support to all the rest, B.W. You sound such a caring and reasonable man and I truly hope you can find more harmony and understanding than is obviously coming your way at the moment.

I may have missed the point but is your wife working herself at present? Maybe she is stressed about the thought of losing her own income/independence/career with the birth of a second child. Worrying about money can do so much damage in a relationship. That, together with her hormonal state may account for a lot. Or was she always this way?

I notice you mentioned at the start of the thread that your Mother-in-Law took offence at the fridge magnet. Could I be nosy and ask whether MIL is the domineering type? My brother's ex-MIL was a real tartar and her attitude was a major factor in the break-up of his first marriage. She just couldn't stop dripping poison (about him and his efforts) into the mind of her daughter and in the end it was just too much.

Whatever you do please remember that the lovely people on here are non-judgemental and will always be here to help you through the bad times. Please don't try to soldier on alone. We may not have much to give in concrete terms (that's why we are on here in the first place:rotfl:) but people are only too willing to give freely of their time and sympathy which are precious commodities indeed.

Good Luck and keep posting

B.W._Fox

bandraoi wrote: »

You have a job for the next 8 months, that's fantastic!

You can keep looking now for a permanent job without having to worry for 8 MONTHS about the pressure of finding one. There is also every chance that the person on maternity leave won't come back, or that if you impress them they will keep you on anyway. Whatever happens when you finish, 8 months is a long enough job to get a credible reference from them.

My current boss and I discussed that yesterday. Lots of 'ifs' but there is a way forward. My wife wants me in a permanent job - lots of time to scour the papers and websites for them. Plus I'll try to add more office manager stuff, as I wrote above.

bandraoi wrote: »

The 8 months (with a 25% jump in take home!!!) should give you enough leeway to save for the increased naturalisation fee, which I'm guessing will make it easier to get a job once the 8 months is up.

It's already budgeted in ... I could set up a piggybank for it. But at the same time I've got to get out from under the overdraft (~12%), or find a way to shift it to a lower interest.

bandraoi wrote: »

8 months, by my reckoning also brings you to January, which is a time of year when alot of places are hiring and alot of people are moving job.

Hadn't thought of that - it has always felt like a dead time to me, but then again maybe I'm not as tuned in as I should be.

B.W._Fox

Sus1e wrote: »

Foxy,

How are you feeling this morning?

Any thing we can do to help?

I have been quite worried about you over night and logged on first thing to see if there was any updates.

I get in to work just before 9, and I don't have a nighttime option for computing.

I'm feeling a little better mentally; the sofa is working wonders for my back, should've been in deep trouble before this. :rolleyes:

catewithers

B.W._Fox wrote: »

I get in to work just before 9, and I don't have a nighttime option for computing.

I'm feeling a little better mentally; the sofa is working wonders for my back, should've been in deep trouble before this. :rolleyes:

LOL! :rotfl: Love your sense of humour. Hang in there - we're all rooting for you.