In hell: the B.W. Fox debt journal

Seaxwyn

Yes you do have to have been in credit, I think it's in the last three months though (as by a strange fluke I managed to pass - first time in years that I'd popped into the black....)

It's interesting for me to read your thread as I'm in quite a similar relationship to you - but I'm the higher earning, hyper-efficient (I wish) unsympathetic one. It does drive me frantic that my OH sits in his garden shed day after day refusing to do simple things to ameliorate the situation.

So I can kind of sympathise with her and would say in her defence that money worries and feeling you are the only one doing anything about them can stress you out and turn you into a nastier person than you mean to be!

Gosh perhaps you are my OH.... oh no, it wasn't my birthday last Saturday.

It looks to me as if things are about to take an upturn for you with the new job and new baby. Summer is coming too and cycling is free so please don't get depressed about money - it's only money and you can get out of debt.

B.W._Fox

eamon wrote: »

My ex GF would also fly of the handle at the drop of a hat. She needs to lighten up.
Just out of interest are you an EU national? If you are why would you need to naturalise. Also if you aren't, I think you should re-check the becoming a British citizen rules/

yours

Eamon

Unfortunately I'm a Septic. So while I'm a former colonist, rules don't apply.

I've checked and rechecked. I shoulda/woulda/coulda applied three-odd years ago, when I was first eligible as a spouse of a UK citizen and the price was lower, but my money was so variable that I was loathe to put it together.

Strangely, when I was making decent money two years ago, I didn't even think about it ... and that was when I first got an overdraft and started going under. Lured by the high life, I suppose.

dubgirl

Good luck with the chat Mr Fox, probably best to wait until the dust has settled. If you can drive then what about delivering online shopping for Tescos, Sainsburys etc - I've heard through a friend who works at Tesco that you can pretty much chose your hours.

B.W._Fox

lynzpower wrote: »

are you workign for the government now? Only TBH youll never get a perm job with gov as they can only take on temps not perms.

I know thigs, as OH found himself in the exact same situation having temped in central gov for over 18months.

I'm not in gov't now, my last temp there was over a year ago.

I take it he looked at the jobs offered in the Civil Service Gateway? It's a good web source. There's bound to be a bit of nepotism and cross-breeding in gov't HR but there's no reason that a few newbies can sneak through. They can't get ALL the people who got Oxbridge firsts.

A friend of mine has just set up her own consulting business after being contracted by one of the departments ... perhaps if he has an 'in' he could look deeper into that.

B.W._Fox

Sus1e wrote: »

Nice to know that you are back and making us smile!

I don't know about your OH, but I find it easier to understand things if they are writen down - i.e how much is owed to where, how much you are spending on day to day things etc. Perhaps your OH would understand it better if it was writen down for her to see? That way she could see that the child care costs were taken care of etc.

To me, it would make sense to take the maternity cover job and do such a good job at it that they don't want you to go - there may be other opportunities within that company at a later date, (and having a good reference from them won't hurt).

Hope you get things sorted out soon.........

I'll present a version of an SOA to her, and go over the last few months of spending.

I intend to do such a good job they won't know what hit them. I'm pretty agreeable normally.

Seeing as I am in charge of some HR duties, I could push through a voucher scheme ...

B.W._Fox

Seaxwyn wrote: »

Yes you do have to have been in credit, I think it's in the last three months though (as by a strange fluke I managed to pass - first time in years that I'd popped into the black....)

It's interesting for me to read your thread as I'm in quite a similar relationship to you - but I'm the higher earning, hyper-efficient (I wish) unsympathetic one. It does drive me frantic that my OH sits in his garden shed day after day refusing to do simple things to ameliorate the situation.

So I can kind of sympathise with her and would say in her defence that money worries and feeling you are the only one doing anything about them can stress you out and turn you into a nastier person than you mean to be!

Gosh perhaps you are my OH.... oh no, it wasn't my birthday last Saturday.

It looks to me as if things are about to take an upturn for you with the new job and new baby. Summer is coming too and cycling is free so please don't get depressed about money - it's only money and you can get out of debt.

According to my budget, if my credit card comes through AND I spend less than £70 on non-essentials between now and 1 August I can be back in blaaaack (sorry, AC/DC moment) for a day or two.

I can't be your OH - I can't be bothered with the shed.

I would like to talk to her about what remortgaging would mean: is it for the loft-expansion-stick-around-for-three-years plan, or is it the moving-to-a-three-bedroom-around-the-corner plan, or is it the move-to-the-coast plan?

Money worries definitely come into it. And she's <gasp> 39 now and I suppose she thought she'd have a better, more comfortable life by now.

B.W._Fox

dubgirl wrote: »

Good luck with the chat Mr Fox, probably best to wait until the dust has settled. If you can drive then what about delivering online shopping for Tescos, Sainsburys etc - I've heard through a friend who works at Tesco that you can pretty much chose your hours.

That's a great angle. I've had my UK licence for three years next month - maybe I can qualify.

Many thanks!

Foxy

catewithers

B.W._Fox wrote: »

According to my budget, if my credit card comes through AND I spend less than £70 on non-essentials between now and 1 August I can be back in blaaaack (sorry, AC/DC moment) for a day or two.

I can't be your OH - I can't be bothered with the shed.

I would like to talk to her about what remortgaging would mean: is it for the loft-expansion-stick-around-for-three-years plan, or is it the moving-to-a-three-bedroom-around-the-corner plan, or is it the move-to-the-coast plan?

Money worries definitely come into it. And she's <gasp> 39 now and I suppose she thought she'd have a better, more comfortable life by now.

Sounds like neither of you really know how each of you view the future! Definitely need to sit down and talk through it all. Although I think you're probably wise to let the dust settle a bit, make sure that she doesn't think you're just ignoring it all and hoping it'll all go away.

DH and I have the same conversation every year when we're on holiday - where do we want to be in 1 year, 5 years, 10 years, 20 years. And we review our funeral plans as well!!!! :cool: It's become a bit of a tradition - a couple of bottles of wine, jenga, in our tent, talk about funerals! Who says romance is dead!?! :rotfl:

B.W._Fox

catewithers wrote: »

Sounds like neither of you really know how each of you view the future! Definitely need to sit down and talk through it all. Although I think you're probably wise to let the dust settle a bit, make sure that she doesn't think you're just ignoring it all and hoping it'll all go away.

DH and I have the same conversation every year when we're on holiday - where do we want to be in 1 year, 5 years, 10 years, 20 years. And we review our funeral plans as well!!!! :cool: It's become a bit of a tradition - a couple of bottles of wine, jenga, in our tent, talk about funerals! Who says romance is dead!?! :rotfl:

I have no intention of letting go of the tiger's tail. I'm not ignoring the problem - perhaps that's where she can help the most, I need to organise my priorities in relationships.

(Speaking of that, I just put all my important birthdays and anniversaries on a reminder system. )

I wouldn't mind sitting down and getting anything on paper, quite frankly.

One question: Jenga in a tent? Talk about your degrees of difficulty ... :rolleyes:

catewithers

B.W._Fox wrote: »

I have no intention of letting go of the tiger's tail. I'm not ignoring the problem QUOTE]

Don't misunderstand me as well!! I know you have no intention of letting it go! All I'm saying is that while you're letting the dust settle - ie. leaving the heavy conversation for a little bit to allow things to calm down - make sure that she's not just assuming that you're hoping it'll all jsut go away!

It seems that the pattern in your relationship is that you both assume the other is thinking/doing/feeling things that you may well not be.

Forgive me if I'm wrong and feel free to correct me most firmly!