In hell: the B.W. Fox debt journal

Storm

B.W._Fox wrote: »

To be fair, folks, she turned down a job in Loughton, Essex earlier this year - she could've been a vice-principal at a school there. Same thing applied - it was too far a commute, she didn't want to be away from her daughter and give up her Fridays that she fought for. It was a week of agonising over the ins and outs; I was happy to make changes to help and told her so.

This speaks volumes to me - if she turned down a better paid job and you supported her in this, then why has she been giving you such hard time about your job hunting?

chunky79

Wow well done on getting the job. :T :j :beer: Tough choice i know but i feel from what i have read it was the right way to go.

Casperthefriendlyghost

B.W._Fox wrote: »

I'm planning on posting a list of goals on the fridge. I think she'll be interested that not one goal will have anything to do with triathlon.

Accessing at night - it's dial-up, it's her laptop, it's our phone bill. And if I'm on a forum ... she's just not that clued-in to see that it might help. Yet.

Hi B.W. Fox

I have just finished reading this thread and OMG! this is the most frustrating thread I have read in a long time. This is supposed to be a partnership, and it feels like to me like a war zone! Maybe I'm overreacting but it seems like you as constantly trying to compensate for something, trying to keep her happy, doing things to make her proud, doing things to keep the peace, bloody hell, when do you get to do what you want?

When you said you're giving up the triathlon training and competing I really despair. What have you got for yourself, and why are you the sole person giving up everything? It just seems unfair to me.

I am a woman and was in a relationship for 11 years, and married for 5 years of that. I was constantly compromising and giving in to keep the peace and it destroyed me and took a long time for me to get my self esteem back.

I'm not saying any of this applies to you but it just makes me desperately unhappy to read this as I always believe that things should be equal as I spent years being told what was mine and what was his, nothing was ever ours, even though I earned twice as much as he did. He even refused to pay for the groceries or any housekeeping, but I digress.

Sorry about this essay it wasn't intended as one, and please remind your wife that the NHS Pension is the best in the country and definately worth it.

Cheers
CTFG
x x x x

BTW Hope I haven't been harsh, I don't mean to be mean or harsh.

Imelda

Hi B.W Fox

Glad to see you making so much progress!

You did the right thing with the job, a permanent one is so much better than temping, ok you'll have less cash in your pocket but the intangible benefits will make it more worthwhile in the long run. Also a regular wage makes planning so much easier.

Can you check with your employer regarding nursery vouchers? (I'm not sure if the NHS participate- I don't have kids and so am clueless in that area!)
Also season ticket loan- if you decide to bike part of the way an annual ticket will work out about 10/12's cheaper than buying monthly tickets alone (do check that you can take your bike at the times you are travelling).

Good luck!

nevadagirl

Hi there BWF,

Congratulations on your new job.

I work for the NHS and just wanted to confirm that most NHS organisations provide childcare vouchers, but the scheme varies from Trust to Trust/Board to Board. Your employer will almost certainly have a season ticket scheme for travel, and may even belong to a bike loan scheme, so if you ever need a new one, you might be able to get help from work. I can second the views expressed on the pension scheme too - sign up! They are excellent in terms of training and development, too. Your new employer should have a learning and development policy, have a good read of it once you get access. And when the baby comes, you get a good deal on paternity pay and can tap into flexible working policies, there may even be an option to do some of your work from home - saves on the cost of the commute too.

Just be aware of the current NHS pay restructuring if your employer hasn't been through that yet. If your employer is still on the old system, you may not be able to rely on your starting wage going up over time, or they may even end up being reduced. Another good reason (in my case) to get debt free before my wages are cut in 2009. :rolleyes:

The only drawback I can see is that you won't be able to post on here during the working day any more so hurry up and get that broadband

Well done, again.

Seaxwyn

Hi BW

You might be able to arrange a regular lift on https://www.surreycarshare.com

A friend of mine cycles from Croydon to Reigate five days a week - is that a comparable journey? - he loves it and also runs marathons etc etc

catewithers

Congratulations on the new job! I (for what it matters!) think you've made the right decision.

maryb

I hesitate to post this - but please try not to be so scared your wife will leave you, she won't - you would be entitled to a share of the house (after all you have clearly been contributing over and above the amount you would expect given your respective earnings)

I don't say that to be unkind but it's clear that security is important to your wife and breaking up a marriage has huge financial consequences. Pregnancy is affecting her self control and she is lashing out but I'm sure she would not allow "everything she has built up" (I'm assuming she sees it that way) to be lost just because she gives way to irritability.

I really hope you are not offended - but I felt you sounded so down that you were getting things out of proportion, to start with anyway. Now that you are so much more positive don't let the inevitable setbacks push you back into despair

catewithers

Foxy, how was your weekend? You doing ok?

B.W._Fox

Very busy! A little scared to post too, my boss is right in front of me.

When I get time I'll post again.

B