Long-standing friendship gone south

mountainofdebt

I have to say. has already been said, I don't think this was ever a friendship - tbh it sounds more that you were acquaintances simply due to the fact that your mothers are friends and they thought how lovely it would be if their daughters were friends as well.....probably had visions of you all going out in a foursome.

With regards to the issue surrounding your miscarriage, whilst I can appreciate you didn't want to spoil either her hen do or wedding, I think you were mistaken in not saying anything to her afterwards. If you had spoken to her in confidence then I think I would have said something to the effect that I didn't appreciate your personal issues being discussed with all and sundry and that being 'counselled' at her hen do and wedding wasn't appreciated either.

I'm in two minds about the name thing though - do you really think she did it to spite you or could it be a case of you're being oversensitive?

I do wonder about your mum's friendship with X's mum though - is the friendship equal or is one person more dominant that the other?

geoffky

What is it with people? If this was me i would of just told the ex friend to beat it and moved on very quickly.
Life is too short to worry about crap like this..

spamalot

Hi all,

It's been a while since I posted on this thread, I got such great advice last time I thought I'd ask for some more :-)

Basically things went quiet for while so I thought that the withdraw and let it end would work. Then I started getting emails from my 'friend' saying she would like to meet up. I was very vague in my responses, saying I was very busy and being non committal. Anyway I got an email a couple of weeks ago asking again about meeting up next time I was down from Scotland and because I've been distracted with other things I didn't respond. Anyway yesterday I got a hugely emotional blackmail email from her saying she didn't know what she'd done to upset me and how sad she was a my not communicating, etc. This email has made me very angry for a number of reason, firstly because I know that she's been told why I am angry and its again a case of ignoring my feelings and her having done nothing wrong; secondly, I'm annoyed because its just emotional blackmail.

I thought just withdrawing and drifting would be the best thing all round but she doesn't seem to want to let go. I'm leaning towards just ignoring this email tbh because I've got bigger fish to fry at the moment. It's just the tone of the email has just made me angry, it's patronising and manipulative.

Any advice ?

thorsoak

Just block her email and send it straight to trash. That way you don't even have to read it!

Callie22

I think you need to make a clear decision in your own mind as to whether you want to have any kind of relationship with this woman. If it's clear to you that you don't, then delete the email (don't keep it as you'll just re-read it and make yourself unhappy), and then block her email address so nothing more gets through to you.

Tell your mum that you would prefer it if she didn't discuss you or your business with this person - you've moved on, grown up and you're not under any obligation to carry on a relationship that's run its course. Tbh, to me it seems a little strange that she's being so persistent - it seems like she's getting off a bit on knowing that you're still being upset by what she's done, and by her getting in touch with you. If she stops getting a reaction, either from you or your family, then hopefully she'll get bored and leave you alone.

marisco_2

The positive here is that this email has confirmed to you, all the reasons why it was a good idea to break contact with this person. The content of the email is just words on a screen. You get to choose how you let them impact you. Don't rise to any of it or respond to her. Show her that you have the maturity to know that sometimes silence is more powerful than having the last word. That completely infuriates people who bate you for a reaction

mountainofdebt

spamalot wrote: »

Hi all,

It's been a while since I posted on this thread, I got such great advice last time I thought I'd ask for some more :-)

Basically things went quiet for while so I thought that the withdraw and let it end would work. Then I started getting emails from my 'friend' saying she would like to meet up. I was very vague in my responses, saying I was very busy and being non committal. Anyway I got an email a couple of weeks ago asking again about meeting up next time I was down from Scotland and because I've been distracted with other things I didn't respond. Anyway yesterday I got a hugely emotional blackmail email from her saying she didn't know what she'd done to upset me and how sad she was a my not communicating, etc. This email has made me very angry for a number of reason, firstly because I know that she's been told why I am angry and its again a case of ignoring my feelings and her having done nothing wrong; secondly, I'm annoyed because its just emotional blackmail.

I thought just withdrawing and drifting would be the best thing all round but she doesn't seem to want to let go. I'm leaning towards just ignoring this email tbh because I've got bigger fish to fry at the moment. It's just the tone of the email has just made me angry, it's patronising and manipulative.

Any advice ?

welll we don't know what was said in the email but tbh if you haven't told her exactly why youv'e decided to call a day on the friendship how on earth is she supposed to know ? Skirting around the issue is not going to resolve the issue.

However i would write her a letter, keep it 24 hrs before sending so that you can judge after this time whether the tone & content is right and won't make you the bad guy in all of this

CustardAndPickles

spamalot wrote: »

Hi all,

It's been a while since I posted on this thread, I got such great advice last time I thought I'd ask for some more :-)

Basically things went quiet for while so I thought that the withdraw and let it end would work. Then I started getting emails from my 'friend' saying she would like to meet up. I was very vague in my responses, saying I was very busy and being non committal. Anyway I got an email a couple of weeks ago asking again about meeting up next time I was down from Scotland and because I've been distracted with other things I didn't respond. Anyway yesterday I got a hugely emotional blackmail email from her saying she didn't know what she'd done to upset me and how sad she was a my not communicating, etc. This email has made me very angry for a number of reason, firstly because I know that she's been told why I am angry and its again a case of ignoring my feelings and her having done nothing wrong; secondly, I'm annoyed because its just emotional blackmail.

I thought just withdrawing and drifting would be the best thing all round but she doesn't seem to want to let go. I'm leaning towards just ignoring this email tbh because I've got bigger fish to fry at the moment. It's just the tone of the email has just made me angry, it's patronising and manipulative.

Any advice ?

You know this woman, but just playing devil's advocate:
You've said you're chalk and cheese - perhaps she simply isn't very emotionally aware or sensitive. You've said "I know she's been told why I am angry", but what if she hasn't, or hasn't believed it?

Maybe the email she's sent is her being genuinely upset. I'd be very tempted to reply and say that you feel your lives are moving apart at the moment, you've got a lot on your plate and right now you're just very busy and you're sorry but there it is.

Your mum / sister might be a bit narked about it, but perhaps, on another forum somewhere, theres your friend saying "Why doesn't she like me any more?"

troubleinparadise

spamalot wrote: »

Hi all,

It's been a while since I posted on this thread, I got such great advice last time I thought I'd ask for some more :-)

Basically things went quiet for while so I thought that the withdraw and let it end would work. Then I started getting emails from my 'friend' saying she would like to meet up. I was very vague in my responses, saying I was very busy and being non committal. Anyway I got an email a couple of weeks ago asking again about meeting up next time I was down from Scotland and because I've been distracted with other things I didn't respond. Anyway yesterday I got a hugely emotional blackmail email from her saying she didn't know what she'd done to upset me and how sad she was a my not communicating, etc. This email has made me very angry for a number of reason, firstly because I know that she's been told why I am angry and its again a case of ignoring my feelings and her having done nothing wrong; secondly, I'm annoyed because its just emotional blackmail.

I thought just withdrawing and drifting would be the best thing all round but she doesn't seem to want to let go. I'm leaning towards just ignoring this email tbh because I've got bigger fish to fry at the moment. It's just the tone of the email has just made me angry, it's patronising and manipulative.

Any advice ?

In her email, did your friend say anything at all like "I'm sorry if I've done anything to upset you ...."

Because if that sorry word doesn't arise, she won't take any personal responsibility for what might have happened, and will just take the view that you're the one with problems (or tell others that is the case).

I have an old "friend" who would go silent, so I would know there was something up, then contact her to be told the error of my ways - "You have hurt me..." "You have made me angry...." (but never exactly what about), but never apologised the other way if she caused upset.

I'm afraid that in that case I withdrew as I never knew when I would cause hurt or anger, and I got fed-up with either walking on eggshells, or feeling like I was being punished for something I didn't know about, so the time together wasn't enjoyable anyway!

Funky_Bold_Ribena

spamalot wrote: »

Hi all,

It's been a while since I posted on this thread, I got such great advice last time I thought I'd ask for some more :-)

Basically things went quiet for while so I thought that the withdraw and let it end would work. Then I started getting emails from my 'friend' saying she would like to meet up. I was very vague in my responses, saying I was very busy and being non committal. Anyway I got an email a couple of weeks ago asking again about meeting up next time I was down from Scotland and because I've been distracted with other things I didn't respond. Anyway yesterday I got a hugely emotional blackmail email from her saying she didn't know what she'd done to upset me and how sad she was a my not communicating, etc. This email has made me very angry for a number of reason, firstly because I know that she's been told why I am angry and its again a case of ignoring my feelings and her having done nothing wrong; secondly, I'm annoyed because its just emotional blackmail.

I thought just withdrawing and drifting would be the best thing all round but she doesn't seem to want to let go. I'm leaning towards just ignoring this email tbh because I've got bigger fish to fry at the moment. It's just the tone of the email has just made me angry, it's patronising and manipulative.

Any advice ?

What do you really want to do?

If you have bigger fish to fry, and more important things to be doing, respond with something like 'I do have a life of my own, what exactly is it you want?' But personally, I'd probably bounce it back to her, and set up an rule for any future emails to be deleted as soon as they come in.