Crying and more crying and she hasn't even gone yet!

cannyscot_2

It will pass and she will be back soon -keep busy! It is hard. My eldest went off to Uni in England! 600 miles away aged 17 probably the youngest there. As we came to the door the first night she said she had changed her mind. I had to swallow hard and say try it for 2 weeks and if you don't like it then come home then.

I had a stiff drink that night-and I'm not a great drinker. When we left her I cried for the first 50 miles.

It was really hard for a while but it helped me to see a lady locally who has lost her daughter very young and yet still gets on with it , still smiles and keeps her self going for her other children- helped me keep it in perspective.

If you are feeling bad it is understandable but as everyone has said you need to keep it between yourself and your wife and not burden your DD.

stebiz

Thanks for all the replies. All the tears have not been in front of her and I have 'manned up' since reading some of the replies. Still can't wait for her to enjoy her time and come back safe though.

She has been away with the guides before but only local and for a few days. Anyway I've been in touch with her mobile network and arranged a whacking good credit on her account so she can keep in touch and share all her great experiences.

I went on hols with the school to Austria at 15 and enjoyed them so much and I won't deprive her of them.

In relation to the airport her friends Mum has offered to take them so I have accepted the offer (rather than look a wreck) and I will collect them from the airport on return. This isn't the reason I've given her but a sensible one in the circumstances I reckon.

Like you say they all have to grow up sometime. That's what we all want.

gingin_2

stebiz wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies. All the tears have not been in front of her and I have 'manned up' since reading some of the replies. Still can't wait for her to enjoy her time and come back safe though.

She has been away with the guides before but only local and for a few days. Anyway I've been in touch with her mobile network and arranged a whacking good credit on her account so she can keep in touch and share all her great experiences.

I went on hols with the school to Austria at 15 and enjoyed them so much and I won't deprive her of them.

In relation to the airport her friends Mum has offered to take them so I have accepted the offer (rather than look a wreck) and I will collect them from the airport on return. This isn't the reason I've given her but a sensible one in the circumstances I reckon.

Like you say they all have to grow up sometime. That's what we all want.

It's great you have listened to the advice here but if I could also add that I wouldn't insist that your daughter calls. She might be too busy and might worry that she has to take time out to contact you. I would just let her go without any expectation of a call, just say a postcard would be nice, it might be that the leaders keep you updated via email/facebook anyway?

I know when my husband came to the UK aged 23 his father insisted on an email nd phone call every day as well as the tears and a fair bit of emotional blackmail (not that you are doing that). The only solution for my husband was to push him away, limit phone calls to once a week and the odd email, OH really resents him for spoiling an exciting time for him.

duchy

My parents were very over protective whilst I was growing up and I know my first trip away at 17 was a big shock for them (It was a work trip to Cyprus for a few days).

I think it's great to give her phone credit (although make sure she understands about roaming charges or it'll all go to waste ) but please please don't ask her to "ring every day" or "ring at 6pm" Let her initiate the contact when she can -remind her that as it's a really busy trip even a texted photo is fine when it's of her smiling from The Top of the Rock or Maceys or Ellis Island It is likely to be a very busy trip with little downtime so let HER contact you when she can and not turn her phone on to find a load of texts demanding to know she's all right.

I think maybe it was easier before mobiles -I remember going on a 10 day school trip and my parents heard nothing as the only way to contact was by expensive phone calls from a call box which would have been silly.

If the guide group has their own FB page by all means ask if there are plans to keep it updated during the trip (it may not have occurred to the leaders and they may love the idea) not just nice for parents but for the girls to look back on on too.

looby75

balletshoes wrote: »

were you "crying and crying" and refusing to go see them off?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

You weren't wailing and sobbing about it or sulking and refusing to wave her off.

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3335564

I was a bit I did go to wave her off though. (oh and I had her at home for an extra year before she went to uni, didn't make it any easier though.)

looby75

Person_one wrote: »

Also, she was moving out to go to uni a fair distance away, not going on a jolly for a fortnight!

not at the time I posted she was just going on the tall ships for 10 days, as it turned out she didn't go to uni for another year.

GlasweJen

If she's 17 she will either be a very old guide or a young leader/member of the senior section.

If she genuinely is "one of the guides" then I would check with the trip organisers as there is a strict "no phones" rule in our pack implemented after a child arranged to meet someone from the internet during an international camp and we ended up with a man hunt on our hands. Many other packs have this policy too.

If she's a young leader she will be expected to lead by example so no phones for her either. The main leader will always have a phone to be used only in emergency and parents will usually be told that "no news is good news".

If its senior section they make their own rules usually but constantly calling home would be seen as a bit weak, your daughter might not want to call home when she's out having fun in NYC!

peachyprice

GlasweJen wrote: »

If she genuinely is "one of the guides" then I would check with the trip organisers as there is a strict "no phones" rule in our pack implemented after a child arranged to meet someone from the internet during an international camp and we ended up with a man hunt on our hands. Many other packs have this policy too.

If she's a young leader she will be expected to lead by example so no phones for her either. The main leader will always have a phone to be used only in emergency and parents will usually be told that "no news is good news".

If its senior section they make their own rules usually but constantly calling home would be seen as a bit weak, your daughter might not want to call home when she's out having fun in NYC!

This is what I was thinking too. My DD isn't allowed to take a phone on Guide holidays and never was allowed to on Brownie holidays either. Not just for the reason you mention, but also they are there as a group, not there to be texting/BBM/FB with their friends back home. Our leaders found that if allowed some girls would spend their whole time chatting with people at home instead of integrating with the other girls.

stebiz

She is in the senior section and will be with 16 and 17 year olds.There are two very experienced and older leaders (mid 50's) travelling with them who have a vast amount of experience which makes things better.

They've even set up a blog to post pics along the way. To be honest I just wish she would go now and enjoy herself so much. Then I can count the days she will be back annoying us all again with her loud music:)

She is allowed a phone and the place she is staying at the first week has Wi-fi which should make calling us even once a day to say she's okay quite easy. That's all I'm after really 'I'm fine' once a day from her.

GlasweJen

We always had a no phones policy but now before we leave for a trip we have "bag check" where we meet at the hall, bags and check lists are produced and items are packed in front of us, any contraband is handed straight back to parents. If a phone is found on trip it is confiscated and the child banned from the next international because we don't want to go through that ever again.

We do have some parents who bleat on a out how Sophie needs to hear her mummy at night or Jenny's dad will miss her so much or that Katie will only use her phone for taking photos but Sophie and Jenny are always fine by day two and Katie goes home with no photos of her own and has to make do with a copy of the leaders photos.