Crying and more crying and she hasn't even gone yet!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

looby75 wrote: »

bloody hell I'm pleased that I got a more sympathetic group of posters when I posted my "omg my first born is leaving for the first time" thread.

You weren't wailing and sobbing about it or sulking and refusing to wave her off.

Person_one

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

You weren't wailing and sobbing about it or sulking and refusing to wave her off.

Also, she was moving out to go to uni a fair distance away, not going on a jolly for a fortnight!

marmitepotato

OP, get a grip! The more you try and tie her to you, the more desperate she will be to get away.

The pair of you need to 'man up' and be happy for her. You can still worry about her, but just don't show it. She will be back before you know it, and she will have a pair of happy excited parents waiting for her.

Chakani

stebiz wrote: »

I also suffer from depression and although I don't want to show it, this doesn't help a lot.

While I understand that feeling depressed can make things seem out of proportion, and can make difficult things more difficult, please, please, don't associate your childrens' choices and decisions with your illness.

Whatever reason(s) are behind your being unwell, they are not your childrens' responsibility.

My own father could have written the exact words you have, some 15 years ago when I was your daughter's age. He made the mistake of confusing the fact that he felt sad that I wasn't there, with the fact that he felt depressed, and through ill-considered words and actions, he allowed himself to project it onto me.

It made me feel responsible, and guilty, and has seriously damaged our relationship, to the point where I am extremely cautious of what contact he has with my children. Which is desperately sad, because I know he loves us all very deeply, but I cannot and will not allow or enable him to make my children feel responsible or guilty for his mental state (which I have already witnessed, and my eldest is only 4).

Please take a deep breath, hold on tight to your wife's hand, tell your daughter that you love her and will miss her, and wave her off with a big smile on your face (and a tear in your eye, no doubt). When you get back home, have a cry, talk together with your wife, or to a counsellor, or to your GP, do whatever it takes to help you cope, but it is not your daughter's problem, or her responsibility to make you feel ok with this.

Good luck OP, and wishing your daughter the most amazing, inspiring, life-changing trip she can imagine.

Sally_A

Stebiz - you say this trip is with the guides, has she never been away for a few days on Brownie camp before? Or with the school? How did you cope then?

We bring children into the world, but from the age of around 6, we are nurturing them to be confident, independent people.

Daughters first brownie camp was at the age of 7 ish - yes I was nervous for her, never showed it (I think), and talked with her about all the fun things she would do, she was apprehensive about being away for the first time; it was really local, so we timed it in the car (20 mins), and I pointed out if she really hated it, I could get to her in 20 mins (as a comfort to her AND ME!). All the nervous teary parents popped in a pub on the way home, had a couple of shandies and planned how we'd use our peace and quiet time!

After that there were several school trips 50 - 100 miles away, whilst other parents were getting all weepy, me and daughter did the OTT display of "Miss you luvvie darling!!", knowing it was true, but with a comical edge.

Even in her early 20's, I followed her flight on flightradar24 today, so I knew she had landed safely, she thinks I'm a sad stalker geek, but deep down I know she is grateful that I'm keeping an eye on her wellbeing .

Please think of the signal you will be giving to your other 2 children, if you are both useless weepy wrecks, how will they feel when they want to make their way in the world?

midnightraven3

17 year old going to new york? only thing you need worry about is your credit card bill when she gets home:D

we are also an incredibly close family
(parents of 3 older teens)
i relish every opportunity they get like this
its what we raised them for, to be independent young people, grabbing every opportunity they want to

persuade your wife to go
she will want her mum at the airport waving her off, like all the other mums

she will be back before you know it!

Bennifred

It's one thing to get weepy when they go off to university (guilty! ) - but that's a life change, and things are very different from then on, even if they do return home later.

But getting weepy over a brief holiday?! Not a seven year old but seventeen and almost an adult, and in the charge of adults?! Wow. I think that is a bit extreme.

motherofstudents

I remember going on a school trip to Italy when I was 15. It was the most fantastic experience and I loved every minute of it. Over the next few years I travelled around the world and all those times I never knew my mum cried every time I left. I'm so glad she held it together for me. You will get used to your children going off and doing their own thing so try to be excited for her.

duchy

stebiz wrote: »

I'm listening to you and I'll do my best to hide it from her. Fortunately (in a nice way) I'm in work on lates this week, so I won't see much of her. I'll be arranging cash etc for her and doing a few errands.

I think it is hard at times. I genuinely want her to have a super time. Just worried that's all.

Think of it as practice for when she goes off to uni

pandora205

At 17 your daughter is a young woman so it's time for her to develop her independence and to learn to become more self sufficient. It's important for parents to encourage this and to think of the benefits.

I have two daughters living abroad with their respective partners, both of whom are more worldly and well travelled than me (a 19 year old in Greece and a 23 year old in New Zealand). I am proud of them for their adventurousness and for the opportunities they have that I didn't. I'm off to visit both of them in the next 12 months too.

I also have a 21 year old son who will probably be here when he's 40!