Crying and more crying and she hasn't even gone yet!

valk_scot

emweaver wrote: »

Wow the amount of grief the OP is getting all for missing and worrying about his daughter , come on ! You can't win on here.

Oh, missing them and worrying about them is 100% normal. It's not normal to refuse to go to the airport and see them off/be having crying jags for days before they go/making them feel guilty and miserable about leaving you though. In fact I'd go so far as to say that's a bit selfish and self centred of the parent involved to be making such a drama out of it. Instead of it being a happy and liberating experience for the child involved, it's turned into a scenario where it's all about the parents' distress. What happens then? Either the child will start feeling they should pass up trips because they upset their parents so much, or the minute the child is old enough they'll be off over the horizon like a shot, permenantly, because they can't cope with all the guilt trips. It's hopelessly unfair to be loading that amount of guilt on a young person's shoulders. Adults should be adults....

Hermia

stebiz wrote: »

I'm listening to you and I'll do my best to hide it from her.

Please do. I went on a gap six months when I was 18. My parents waved me off at the airport and told me to have an amazing time etc. When I left they apparantly went back to the car and burst into tears! I am glad I didn't know this at the time as going abroad is a big enough challenge without worrying about your parents as well.

looby75

I promise you that you will be surprised how quickly the time passes and how after the first couple of days (if that) you will get used to her not being there.

When my daughter was 17 she was given the opportunity to go on a 10 day trip with the tall ships. It was the first time she had been away from home for that long without family. I missed her SO much for the first couple of days and couldn't wait for her to get back, it didn't help that she didn't really enjoy the trip and kept texting to say how miserable she was

I started a thread about it on here at the time which helped because a lot of other people said they felt the same the first time their children went away.......and worse was to come UNI!!!!

She started uni last September and I felt like someone had ripped my heart out, I was a mess for the week before she left and because I don't have a car but her boyfriend does (but only a small one) I wasn't able to take her to uni. I felt absolutely awful, guilty, sad, lonely, you name it.

I'm a lone parent and have been for 9 years now, there are 8 years between my 2 kids so she and I became quite the tag team looking after her younger brother. I felt a bit like I was missing my right arm for a while, but again it only took a few weeks to get used to her not being here. She's back home for the Easter hols which is lovely......for now lol My son and I have our own little routines now and she's having to fit into them, no doubt we'll be ready to part ways by the time she goes back in 3 weeks

What I'm trying to say is even though it hurts to say goodbye, even just temporarily, it usually works out just fine and lets face it we wouldn't work hard to give our kids wings if we didn't want them to fly one day.

pigpen

Other than let her grow up she is a young woman not a baby I can't think of anything nice to say!!!!

Most of my friends and siblings had left home by 17 and several including myself had our own children by then!!!

maman

stebiz wrote: »

I think it is hard at times. I genuinely want her to have a super time. Just worried that's all.

She's going on an organised trip with responsible leaders. This is an excellent way to travel abroad before moving on to travelling with friends or alone in the future.

She's your child and you need to support her with this new experience just as you have over the years as she's learned new things. Of course it's hard but you and your wife are adults and can cope.

I don't want to join those posters who appear uncaring but it does seem selfish that you and your wife (particularly her) are focussing on how you feel so not supporting your daughter as parents should. Maybe you've posted on here so that you have an outlet for your worries without talking about it at home. I do hope so.

Frith

You won't stop crying and your wife won't drop her off?

How awful for your daughter. :-(

Errata

It's such a pity that your wife believes her feelings are more important than your daughter's.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Poor girl. She's only going on holiday and she's lumbered with two three year olds?


Seriously, your wife in particular needs to get a grip. This isn't anything to do with depression, this is about controlling everyone through tears and tantrums.

geoffky

I left home at 16 and went to India for six months...You two would have held me back...Stand back and observe and please let your daughter grow up..

ceegee

You will both spoil it for your daughter if you carry on like this in front of her........and that would be MEAN.