Crying and more crying and she hasn't even gone yet!

stebiz

I know we all have to come over this at sometime in our lives but my eldest daughter (17) is due to go on an exchange trip with the guides for 15 days on Thursday to New York and already we are missing her.My wife won't even go with me to drop her off.

We have two other children and will be trying to occupy our minds over Easter.

How has anybody else coped? Sorry if it sounds daft.

**18 days until she's back**:j

valk_scot

My DS went to Ney York last year for ten days with the school. Miss him? I suppose I did but I was far more delighted for him that he had such a great opportunity. In fact I was a bit envious, I'd have loved to go on a trip like that at his age. Surely as a Guide your DD has been away for camps and such? This is exactly the same, just a bit longer.

As to how I "coped", I gave his room a bit of a deep clean when he was gone and rejoiced in the lesser amount of cooking, tbh. And I took my other child out on a couple of treats tailored just to her rather than both kids. Then DS was back and hardly stopped talking about the trip for weeks after.

So my advice is to stop focussing on the negatives of you missing her. You don't say if she's getting upset about missing you? I hope not and if not, I hope you're not taking the shine off her anticipation of her trip tbh. Grit your teeth, both of you, and smile as you wave her off. She's not going to thank either of you for causing a drama about not coping or refusing to see her off at the airport tbh. anyway, 15 days is nothing. What are you going to do if she wants to go to Australia for a gap year next year, or go off to uni elsewhere?

Triangle

I was lucky enough to be able to go on quite a few residential trips with the school when I was younger. I can remember mum and dad being as excited for me as I was. Had they had shown the upset you are describing I would have found it most distressing.

Ich_2

Do you want her to enjoy herself?

If so you both need to get over your selfishness and be happy that she has been given such a wonderful opportunity. I saw more cases of homesickness caused by clingy parents that enough when I was a Scout leader.
When she is there and contacts you concentrate on what she is doing and enjoying. Do not start going on about how much you are missing her, you will spoil it for her!

stebiz

Thanks for the replies. Of course I want her to enjoy herself otherwise I wouldn't have paid 'a fair amount of money' to give her the opportunity. I suppose we are just a close family. My wife was like that when my youngest daughter went to Paris for a week with the school.

I'm trying to put into perspective. I also suffer from depression and although I don't want to show it, this doesn't help a lot. Might just have to get stuck in to some work.

claire16c

15 days?

Like said above what if she wants to take a gap year in 12 months time?

You are really over reacting. Trying to occupy your minds? Surely she goes out with friends/is at school normally anyway and you get on find then?

I really hope you haven't acted like this in front of her. You should be encouraging her and giving her confidence.

emweaver

Wow the amount of grief the OP is getting all for missing and worrying about his daughter , come on ! You can't win on here.

snozberry

It is very normal for you to miss your child. I don't care what anyone says, children will always be children in their parents eyes even when they are on the cusp of adulthood. My mum cried constantly when I was being driven to, unpacked and left at university all of those years ago and I know that I will be the same when it is time to let my little one go off on adventures on his own.

All what I can suggest is for you to mentally tick off the safety list that you have: sufficient spending money secreted in different purses, providing her with a means of contacting you (I know that she is in an organised party but even still), a little first aid kit, and a spare camera. And, then wave her off with a little tear in your eye and let her have fun. Whilst she is gone, just catch up on any jobs that you have been putting off and having some fun times will your other children. See it as practice for when she leaves home.

I know that you will be pacing until she has safely landed and will do the same on her return journey but this is something that I am sure that you will always do. Parents worry about their offspring.

Just don't wave her off whilst holding a white hanky. My dad used to do it and it was never funny whilst I was in my teens, 20s, and now *shudder* 30s.

dibuzz

I can promise you, it will be 10 times worse when your youngest does things like that
Try to find things the younger ones would like to do that she wouldn't and look at it as an opportunity to spend a little more time with them doing something they like.

peachyprice

Blimey, she hasn't even gone yet and the pair of you are wrecks?

I think that is extremely harsh and unfair of your wife to not even go to drop her off. That is a terrible message to be sending to her, knowing that going off and enjoying herself is making her parents so upset.

You really need to be getting over yourselves, otherwise you'll just be instilling the same fears of life and growing up in your children that you both have.

Really, your reactions are completely OTT and nothing to do with being a close family.

Amanda65

stebiz wrote: »

I know we all have to come over this at sometime in our lives but my eldest daughter (17) is due to go on an exchange trip with the guides for 15 days on Thursday to New York and already we are missing her.My wife won't even go with me to drop her off.

We have two other children and will be trying to occupy our minds over Easter.

How has anybody else coped? Sorry if it sounds daft.

**18 days until she's back**:j

You always miss your kids when they are not around, my eldest two are both at uni and I love it when they are home for the holidays. however I think crying before your DD has even gone - and wishing her opoprtunity away by counting down until she's back when she is 17 is probably a little more OTT than I have ever been :rotfl::rotfl:.

OP I think you and your wife need to 'man up' a bit, especially in front of your children. Yes, you will miss her, yes there will be a DD1 'hole' on your family while she's away, but how on earth will you cope if she goes away to university or wants to travel?

Please don't take the shine off her trip by making this about how much she will be missed at home - even if you are trying to hide it around her I am sure she is picking up on it. Wave her off with a smile, tell her you'll miss her but look forward to hearing all about the trip when she gets hom - and then get on with your daya to day lives with your two other children.

We are an extremely close family and yes, you miss anyone not being there but one of the hardest things to do as a parent is let go and be pleased for the opportunities life throws at them.