5 year old daughter struggling to socialise :'(

krustylouise

Hi,

Was wondering if anyone ha any advice please?

My daughter is 5 and has been at school for 2 years. She has always been on the outside of the groups of friends but I thought that it was possibly an age related thing and would progress over time. However DD has now begun getting upset and crying to me that she wants a friend to play with and that the children bully her at school.

This absolutely broke my heart. I spoke to the teacher about it and she assured me she'd keep an eye on her, so that afternoon we ha a discussion and she confirmed that DD was the only child without a partner when they had to get themselves into pairs. My poor DD but from what she could see she wasn't being bullied or picked on. And that DD has been known to be too rough with the other children.

Has anyone had any experience of this as its really worrying me and seeing DD so down is heartbreaking. She even wets her knickers every day, I'm not sure if the 2 issues are related.

Thanks in advance

concerned43

been there, done that - only with my son. He still has some social issues today and he is 15! I was also concerned about his ability to make friends and it wasn't until he was ten that he was diagnosed with dyspraxia that things fell into place.
Anyhow what I did was invite one of his classmates over to the house and I would play a game with them to show my DS how to interact, that went on for months and then I would invite other classmates over (one by one) and then eventually brought them over as a group. I would take them out to the cinema, park, zoo etc and then little by little remove myself so DS could handle them on his own. Those classmates are still his best friends today and are at the house on a regular basis. best do it while she is still young as it is more difficult to do when they are older.

mrcow

Do you ever invite friends over to tea/play?

Start with the one or two children that she does like or that don't bully her (you just need to work out who they are) and invite them over for play dates etc and start from there.

Someone is always going to end up partnerless in an odd number of kids. I wouldn't read too much into that - it could be someone else next time.

Valli

krustylouise wrote: »

Hi,

Was wondering if anyone ha any advice please?

My daughter is 5 and has been at school for 2 years. She has always been on the outside of the groups of friends but I thought that it was possibly an age related thing and would progress over time. However DD has now begun getting upset and crying to me that she wants a friend to play with and that the children bully her at school.

This absolutely broke my heart. I spoke to the teacher about it and she assured me she'd keep an eye on her, so that afternoon we ha a discussion and she confirmed that DD was the only child without a partner when they had to get themselves into pairs. My poor DD but from what she could see she wasn't being bullied or picked on. And that DD has been known to be too rough with the other children.

Has anyone had any experience of this as its really worrying me and seeing DD so down is heartbreaking. She even wets her knickers every day, I'm not sure if the 2 issues are related.

Thanks in advance

Perhaps the teacher could help by organising the children into pairs (appropriate for the task ie talk partners/PEpartners) so that DD isn't left out?

krustylouise

I don't invite people over, for the simple fact I work full time do the only spare time I/we have is spent cleaning, shopping, mundane day to day stuff. DD doesn't ever mention 1 particular child that she "gets on with" so I wouldn't know who to invite

krustylouise

Valli wrote: »

Perhaps the teacher could help by organising the children into pairs (appropriate for the task ie talk partners/PEpartners) so that DD isn't left out?

Yes I did wonder why she didnt do this. But since talking to her she's agreed to encourage them to play altogether

Spendless

Is there an odd number of children or odd number of girls in the class? This happens to my daughter, if she is unable to pair up with her friend. Can you talk to the teacher about this, see if she's able to do some pairing up.

Some schools do offer children support that works on their self-esteem so if there are problems they are able to handle it better, though for mine that has happened further on during their school life (late Primary/early Secondary).

balletshoes

krustylouise wrote: »

I don't invite people over, for the simple fact I work full time do the only spare time I/we have is spent cleaning, shopping, mundane day to day stuff. DD doesn't ever mention 1 particular child that she "gets on with" so I wouldn't know who to invite

but could you ask your DD if she'd like to invite a school friend over to play? maybe she does have someone in mind, and would like to do that.

krustylouise

Yes I will definitely ask DD tomorrow and we can organise something, especially with Easter hols coming up. I've also spoken to a teacher who runs rainbows, in the hope that she may socialise there too. She also does ballet, swimming and an after school hour session in a Friday.

mrcow

Rainbows is an excellent way for girls to really make friends and get to know each other.

I completely understand that it's difficult to arrange play dates etc when you work as well, but it's so important and it can really make a difference. It gives you a chance to get to know some parents too. It doesn't have to be on a week day. Half terms and holdiays are good too. Plus your daughter will be able to show off her bedroom/toys etc. Kids just love that.

krustylouise

Thanks mrcow. I, stupidly, thought that seeing as DD had school to socialise and all the other places that she wouldn't need play dates. But I'm up for anything if it helps her fit in