5 year old daughter struggling to socialise :'(

marisco_2

If a child in my class felt as your daughter does I would do the following.

Firstly I would set up a buddy system for her so that she had a group of friends she could rely on to play with at break and lunchtimes. This could be changed regularly so that your daughter came into contact and mixed with a large variety of children. Enabling her to find friends more quickly.

I would also build this into a PSHE lesson for the class. She is most likely not the only child that feels this way. The children could come up with strategies on how to overcome feeling lonely or isolated. This is good for them as it builds independance and resilience when faced with situations that worry them.

At the school where I teach we also run SEN groups to teach children all manner of social skills. Also we run a lunchtime club for children who find it hard to interact in a busy playground environement.

I hope your daughters school will support her and that she feels much happier and more settled soon

concerned43

Sorry but I worked full-time as well and got the kids over at weekends/holidays - their parents were grateful of a bit of 'me' time. I got to know all of the parents and if their son was doing a particular after school activity -I would put my son in it too....the 'mundane' stuff had to wait as my DS was more important. I would not leave it up to the school to sort this out for you..plus you would want to see how your DD interacts with her peers for yourself.

krustylouise

Concerned - I don't appreciate your comments. I think they are very inconsiderate and quite insensitive. I've obviously come on this forum and posted this thread as I am at the end of my tether and utterly beside myself as to how to help my daughter best. Your remark on "my son was more important" is insinuating that I don't think my daughter is. The fact I have enrolle my daughter into 3 other out of school activities to help her socialise in different circles, and I like to add I remain there at the te these groups are happening.

So seeing as your comment was not constructive, and was just critical, keep it to yourself. Something I was brought up to do!

PoorCharleyBear

krustylouise wrote: »

Concerned - I don't appreciate your comments. I think they are very inconsiderate and quite insensitive. I've obviously come on this forum and posted this thread as I am at the end of my tether and utterly beside myself as to how to help my daughter best. Your remark on "my son was more important" is insinuating that I don't think my daughter is.

So seeing as your comment was not constructive, and was just critical, keep it to yourself. Something I was brought up to do!

I don't think Concerned was being insensitive...I read it as saying 'sometimes other things need to wait'. I know a fair few people who spend far too much time cleaning and little playing with their kids. Our house is not pristine, but it is clean and tidy-ish...my daughter and I have great fun playing together.

Inviting kids over for a playdate is important, and you may have to encourage play- ie getting painting stuff out, doing guided crafts, helping them instigate games...or even just taking them to the park when it is not snowing.

(and for what it is worth, we have just moved countries from UK and my daughter had to join Grade 1 and break into friendship groups, so my experience is current)

krustylouise

Personally I felt it as insensitive toward my feelings. I am currently incredibly upset about this my daughter is my number 1 priority, and I being her up singlehanded. We play at home together and go to the park and lots of walks or to soft play centres on top of everything else that we do. The fact I didn't think to invite DD's possible future friends round doesn't mean I don't view my child as "important" just that when I only have DD for 1 day a weekend (as shes at her dads the other) and we only have 2hours together per night ( this includes meal bath and homework time) I didn't see how we'd fit it in.

Corelli

What has happened to the children she was friends with before she went to school. I didn't go back to work after children so I have had different experiences but when mine were very young they played with the children of other mothers I had met in different ways. Are there any children she has grown up with that she no longer sees and would like to?

Of course this does not solve the school issue and one would like to think that now you have raised the issue the staff there will be more pro-active. It would, however, let her have time with other children in a more unstructured way. You can have some activities up your sleeve if they need it but more often they disappear together and just need feeding.

At weekends and evenings if you are needing to get on with things, it is often easier to have another child around for your child to socialise with rather than being her only source of company.

I suppose with work it is hard, but do you know any of the other parents? You could also invite anyone and their child over for tea. That is more time demanding of course as you then have to socialise with the other parent. What we did was have an acceptance that work has to be done and to a degree we'd get stuck into things in each other's houses. Bringing our own craft activities, helping each other clean etc. Working on the theory that seeing adults sitting around doing nothing but drink tea and chat is not a giving children good role models.

I'm sure that with support your daughter will get past this phase.

jackomdj

It could be that you staying at these activities is not helping your daughter. It means she as you to rely on. Rainbows will make sure they are in groups and all joining in.

My Daughter is similar (year 1) as she comes home saying she had nobody to play with (but this is only some days and without any bullying). We do have people over to play, or go places with people.

I also make sure we go to all (unless we already have important plans) the parties DD gets invited to. There are some children in the class who never go, the parents never reply or if they do they then fail to turn up, which means they get invited to less things.

Katgrit

So seeing as your comment was not constructive, and was just critical, keep it to yourself. Something I was brought up to do!

Whoa! Calm down a bit, that post wasn't "just" critical. Yes there were 2 bits I can see you getting upset about (because as you said, you're very worked up and sensitive about things at the mo) but 4 other helpful bits in Conerned's post. I read that as a supportive post, pointing out something very valid. A lot of Mums beat themselves up about the fact that "mundane" stuff isn't getting done. It might have been that you didn't want feel able to let the side down, and let your standards slip. I'm sure Concerned meant it in a "Don't feel guilty if you can't do it all, it's ok to let dust build up on bookshelves every now and again, and if you skip a day hoovering the hall" way, rather than her thinking "Bad Mum, she obviously doesn't give a toss about her daughter". No need to jump get throat like that, give her the benefit of the doubt and read her post again.


And if after you've done that, if you still can't be generous enough to realise it was a post trying to help them here's the bullet points of Confused's post ( hope you don't mind this Confused!)

1) Other parents will love you for wanting to arrange playdates! They get child out from under their feet*, and get some "me time". If thats good for them, they'll encourage their child to be friends with yours. Hooray!

2) You'll get to know their parents. More support for yourself, interaction between your children, and wider social circle all round. Hooray!

3) Don't leave it up to the school. It might not be enough. You want the best for your daughter so be prepared that your of what's adequat support and help for your daughter may not be THEIR idea of what's enough. Again, a SUPPORTIVE point made by Confused, giving you ADVICE.

4) Playdates mean you get to see interactions first hand, and no-one knows your daughter better than you (cos you're a fab Mum and she's your baby!) so you'll be in a better position to spot exactly what's going on, in an un-structured and free-play environment. Hooray!

THAT is the tone of voice I read Confused's post in. If you're going to ignore helpful posts just because you've got your "No one calls me a !!!! Mum!" head on, then I think that's a shame. Not everyone is out to get you you know.



*not because they're bad, heartless, unloving parents, but just because well, you know, at times everyone wants and needs a breather.

krustylouise

Corelli wrote: »

What has happened to the children she was friends with before she went to school. I didn't go back to work after children so I have had different experiences but when mine were very young they played with the children of other mothers I had met in different ways. Are there any children she has grown up with that she no longer sees and would like to?

Of course this does not solve the school issue and one would like to think that now you have raised the issue the staff there will be more pro-active. It would, however, let her have time with other children in a more unstructured way. You can have some activities up your sleeve if they need it but more often they disappear together and just need feeding.

At weekends and evenings if you are needing to get on with things, it is often easier to have another child around for your child to socialise with rather than being her only source of company.

I suppose with work it is hard, but do you know any of the other parents? You could also invite anyone and their child over for tea. That is more time demanding of course as you then have to socialise with the other parent. What we did was have an acceptance that work has to be done and to a degree we'd get stuck into things in each other's houses. Bringing our own craft activities, helping each other clean etc. Working on the theory that seeing adults sitting around doing nothing but drink tea and chat is not a giving children good role models.

I'm sure that with support your daughter will get past this phase.

Hi,

Thank you for your comment. DD went to nursery from 18months old, we live in a town surrounded by little villages and those parents all sent their kids off to different schools aside from 1 little boy who ended up at DD's school, they were friend through reception and until now and they've drifted apart as he's got a "gf" from his own class haha. So he won't associate with DD anymore.

When DD was very young I suffered from postnatal depression and agoraphobia so didnt take her to many groups or meet up with many friends and didnt have anyone locally as I moved here to be with DD's dad so literally had no one myself either. I tried going to a toddler group specifically designed for young mum's (I was the oldest 1 there at 22) and felt very uncomfortable so eventually stopped going.

Katgrit

Took so long to type that out on a phone keypad looks like I've been beaten to it! See OP, we're all trying to help! xx