5 year old daughter struggling to socialise :'(

shirlgirl2004

krustylouise wrote: »

Thanks mrcow. I, stupidly, thought that seeing as DD had school to socialise and all the other places that she wouldn't need play dates. But I'm up for anything if it helps her fit in

Unfortunately school isn't about socialisation in fact it can be quite devisive as your DD has found out. True opportunities to socialise mainly come outside of school. Rainbows is fine buit I've found in an hour meet they have very little time to talk to each other. Unorganised activites are best for socialisation. It's very hard to chat if you're swimming, painting or whatever.

Hopefully you'll have some time over the Easter holidays for your DD to meet up with her peers and form a bond. Children can be quite fickle so form and break bonds easily.

krustylouise

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

I'd be very concerned at this - are these fighting games age appropriate? What games? She's 5! No wonder she is rough and this IS impacting her social learning...he need to stop and stop this now.

I tell you something DD's dad is like having another kid (hence why we split) I think he struggles with ideas on how to entertain DD. he requires support from his family quite alot when it comes to DD, which is why I don't rely on him at all.

krustylouise

shirlgirl2004 wrote: »

Unfortunately school isn't about socialisation in fact it can be quite devisive as your DD has found out. True opportunities to socialise mainly come outside of school. Rainbows is fine buit I've found in an hour meet they have very little time to talk to each other. Unorganised activites are best for socialisation. It's very hard to chat if you're swimming, painting or whatever.

Hopefully you'll have some time over the Easter holidays for your DD to meet up with her peers and form a bond. Children can be quite fickle so form and break bonds easily.

Haha I've learnt that now about kids being fickle! I didn't realise it would be this hard. Then again I should have done as kids are always changing so obviously adapt their friends appropriately. Currently at a soft play and bought a ticket for DD to attend their "spring ball" which is something for her to look forward to

Funky_Bold_Ribena

krustylouise wrote: »

I tell you something DD's dad is like having another kid (hence why we split) I think he struggles with ideas on how to entertain DD. he requires support from his family quite alot when it comes to DD, which is why I don't rely on him at all.

You need to tell him - actually get a solicitor to write to him - saying that he needs to stop this now or you will be stopping contact with immediate effect.

First find out what the games are, do some research and get it stopped.

SuzieSue

krustylouise wrote: »

One trouble I face, is DD's dad, he wants DD to go to kick boxing, he gets her playing on fighting games on the comp and no matter how much I tell him this is not the behaviour of a little girl he just doesn't listen. It's really upsetting as I'm fighting a losing battle.

I don't know anything about kickboxing, but karate might be a good idea. It is very disciplined and will treat her to respect other people.

FBaby

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

You need to tell him - actually get a solicitor to write to him - saying that he needs to stop this now or you will be stopping contact with immediate effect.

Oh and that is going to do OP and her daughter a lot of good! He might not be a perfect dad, but that doesn't mean he should have any contact with his daughter.

Does he know that she has issues with socialising and that her teacher has mentioned her being rough at times as a potential reason? Are you able to discuss this with him, explaining that you are worried that his ways towards her, although not forcibly wrong (not all girls have to be girlie girls) is having an effect on her at school and causing her to be tearful? Is he capable of listening without going on the defensive and refusing to accept the likely link?

krustylouise

He is aware of the socialising issue, but when it comes to listening to me it falls on deaf ears unfortunately he says he's forgotten that I've told him that fighting games are wrong........honestly he makes me lose the will sometimes.

As for a solicitor and stopping contact, DD loves her Dad and as long as he isn't violent towards her and DD instigates wanting to see him, then he seeing her dad will continue.

FBaby

Does he come to parent's evenings with you? Is the next one soon? (my son's Monday). That would be the perfect time to hear it from the teacher herself.

LannieDuck

I don't think kick boxing is likely to be a bad thing - most martial arts-type sports are hugely big on respect and control of aggression and where it's appropriate and where it's not. I don't know much about kick boxing per se, but it would be worth having a chat with the instructor if you're concerned and explaining the situation to him/her.

Also, some fighting games aren't that bad, whilst some are... really not appropriate. You need to get the name of the game and check it's age certificate - games have the same ratings system as films. If her dad wouldn't show her a 15 rated film, he needs to make sure the games aren't 15 rated either.

Best of luck, OP. I really feel for your little girl, and I hope the suggestions put forward in this thread might be helpful.

marisco_2

krustylouise wrote: »

As for a solicitor and stopping contact, DD loves her Dad and as long as he isn't violent towards her and DD instigates wanting to see him, then he seeing her dad will continue.

I absolutely agree with you. Children need the input, love, support and interaction of both parents. Whilst contact is not deemed detrimental to their wellbeing this should be encouraged at all times.

Your daughter will decide her own path in years to come and make up her own mind about her dad. She will respect you for enabling this OP.

In the meantime if things occur on her visits that you feel are not appropriate, then raise this with your ex and reach a conclusion that you all feel happy with. Seeing her parents working together and raising her will show her great skills to use later in life.