5 year old daughter struggling to socialise :'(

krustylouise

OrkneyStar wrote: »

It seems you are doing some of the right things already with having her go to rainbows and other activities- maybe she could invite someone from there if you don't think there is someone from school for now? And don't give up lol! DS (5) is kind of on the edge of the 'cool boys' group but he seems happy enough, plays footie, does Anchors, that sort of thing, and he has a lovely little female friend who he has clicked with and they get on great!

Yeah fingers crossed it all works she went in this morning primed ready to ask a certain person if they'd like to come and play, I also told her not to get upset if certain person said no as some children don't like going places without their mummy's or daddy's etc.

SuzieSue

concerned43 wrote: »

Your right, but at the same time I got annoyed that she was justifying her lack of time she could put to solving the problem was because she worked full-time and looking to the school to take up the baton on her behalf. I was pointing out that lots of mums work full time and they can still find time to help their kids when there are any problems. It also looks like she does not work full time if she picks her dd up at home time (as she says in a previous post) therefore she is being disingenous! She has had lots of great advice for her dd and therefore hope that she feels she has the tools to turn the situation around and she does not need to post on the subject any further, if not, I would be thinking the problem lies with her and not her dd!

I can understand you getting annoyed, but the OP comes accross as an extremely caring parent who just got her priorities slightly wrong and was asking for advice. She has already put a lot of that advice in to practice and I am sure that had she not been so distressed, would have taken your comments in the way you intended them to be taken.

krustylouise

concerned43 wrote: »

Your right, but at the same time I got annoyed that she was justifying her lack of time she could put to solving the problem was because she worked full-time and looking to the school to take up the baton on her behalf. I was pointing out that lots of mums work full time and they can still find time to help their kids when there are any problems. It also looks like she does not work full time if she picks her dd up at home time (as she says in a previous post) therefore she is being disingenous! She has had lots of great advice for her dd and therefore hope that she feels she has the tools to turn the situation around and she does not need to post on the subject any further, if not, I would be thinking the problem lies with her and not her dd!

If you had read the full thread you would also notice that DD goes to BREAKFAST CLUB, hence my starting work early. I am not a liar and certainly do not exaggerate things. I also stayed that DD goes to ballet, an after school club and swimming. How is that me leaving it to school for my child to socialise. Honesty, your comments are now becoming even less helpful. Please refrain from posting on my thread.

SuzieSue

concerned43 wrote: »

As I said before if you kept the thread going then the problem lies with you. I stand by that statement. Don't think your employer would be pleased if they knew you are posting on here rather than doing your work - if you even do work? Quite frankly I don't believe a word you say.

Perhaps the OP has the day off today. Why would she start a thread and tell lies when she is just asking for help? Your first post was excellent but now you are just being plain nasty. If you don't believe what the OP is saying then stop reading her thread and leave people who believe her to help her.

SuzieSue

OP, please just ignore Concerne43 and do not let her upset you. Forums like this are great, but you need to remember that you are associating with people you would not associate with in real life. Just ignore comments from people like that. Afer all, there are some people in real life who you wouldn't give the time of day to let alone take their advice.

heartbreak_star

Did you get some help with the PND and agoraphobia? I know your daughter is your priority but you've got to look after yourself too

I hope that the playdates work, I was often the unpartnered kid at school so I sympathise with your DD.

Regarding games etc, did you manage to talk to your ex? Agree with the post that said check ratings on games. Some games advertise themselves as fighting (e.g. Super Smash Bros) but are really cartoony and OK for kids, but I certainly wouldn't want a 5-year-old playing Mortal Kombat!! (Sorry, geek girl here).

I actually think karate or kickboxing might be a good idea - they teach a lot of discipline in martial arts classes and most are great at getting all the kids to work together I'm not a parent myself but I teach dance and cheer and used to help out with kids' karate classes, so I've seen a bit how they work. Plus, if she's being a bit rough due to being an enthusiastic ball of energy, it will help settle her down.

Good luck!

HBS x

krustylouise

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Did you get some help with the PND and agoraphobia? I know your daughter is your priority but you've got to look after yourself too

I hope that the playdates work, I was often the unpartnered kid at school so I sympathise with your DD.

Regarding games etc, did you manage to talk to your ex? Agree with the post that said check ratings on games. Some games advertise themselves as fighting (e.g. Super Smash Bros) but are really cartoony and OK for kids, but I certainly wouldn't want a 5-year-old playing Mortal Kombat!! (Sorry, geek girl here).

I actually think karate or kickboxing might be a good idea - they teach a lot of discipline in martial arts classes and most are great at getting all the kids to work together I'm not a parent myself but I teach dance and cheer and used to help out with kids' karate classes, so I've seen a bit how they work. Plus, if she's being a bit rough due to being an enthusiastic ball of energy, it will help settle her down.

Good luck!

HBS x

Hi,

Thank you for your comments, I was off for 2 years when I first had DD which obviously didnt help, so when I started work again when DD was 18months that forced me out of the house, and keeping DD in her nursery routine. Then I started seeing a counsellor for my panic attacks. Eventually these eased and it's only this last 6months I've felt amazing and had the confidence to go anywhere and everywhere.

We've a few options with regards to extra curricular and play dates so hopefully these will all help encourage DD to socialise

heartbreak_star

Well done on that - my mum had PND and she said it was mega hard trying to keep it hidden from me (she thought it would affect me even as a baby).

You'll have to let us know how your DD gets on.

HBS x

SingleSue

marisco wrote: »

If a child in my class felt as your daughter does I would do the following.

Firstly I would set up a buddy system for her so that she had a group of friends she could rely on to play with at break and lunchtimes. This could be changed regularly so that your daughter came into contact and mixed with a large variety of children. Enabling her to find friends more quickly.

I would also build this into a PSHE lesson for the class. She is most likely not the only child that feels this way. The children could come up with strategies on how to overcome feeling lonely or isolated. This is good for them as it builds independance and resilience when faced with situations that worry them.

At the school where I teach we also run SEN groups to teach children all manner of social skills. Also we run a lunchtime club for children who find it hard to interact in a busy playground environement.

I hope your daughters school will support her and that she feels much happier and more settled soon

My youngest son's (15 today!) idea of absolute hell! Think the school have finally realised it is better to just leave him be than to try to force him to be with other people....mind you, his comment about wanting to be the only person in the classroom may have helped too!:eek:

He is a complex autistic though, rather than shy or bullied, weird thing is he is insanely popular with the other students, especially the really extrovert ones, god only knows why, he refuses to talk to them or have anything to do with them but they still think he is 'cool' or want to protect him against the bigger rougher/clumsy students (who are usually younger than him, he also has a growth problem)

We (me, my family, his outreach helpers and the various schools) have battled for years to socialise him and it worked to a degree (he formed a geek club with other geeky students...they sit at their respective laptops in the same room playing games but not actually talking to each other other than through electronic means) but now it is feeling like a losing battle as the stress from exams etc hit.