Internet dating issue

bitemebankers

Joons wrote: »

on this occasion I am right

No, you're just jumping to conclusions.

he's just not that into you

At this point, probably not. Exactly how much should you be "into someone" before you've even met them?

......he clearly is playing the field

Err, that's the point of dating.

Joons

bitemebankers wrote: »

No, you're just jumping to conclusions.


At this point, probably not. Exactly how much should you be "into someone" before you've even met them?

Err, that's the point of dating.

No, I'm simply reiterating what most folk have said.

It's my opinion, not an instruction for the OP to do as I say. Saying, `I'll let you know` implies to me they are not that into me.

Putting yourself on 2 dating sites and not even noticing someone you've already msgd implies they are playing the field rather than looking for someone to settle down with.

Am not here to get approval, is just one person's opinion.

bitemebankers

Joons wrote: »

Putting yourself on 2 dating sites and not even noticing someone you've already msgd implies they are playing the field rather than looking for someone to settle down with.

I'll let you into a little secret* here: everyone on internet dating sites is playing the field. That's the whole point of being there. Some people are also looking for someone to settle down with - the two are not mutually exclusive. You play the field, you find someone you like, you settle down. That's the normal way of things.

* Not exactly a secret, more like the patently obvious

I'm sensing that some women don't like the levelling of the playing field that internet dating has brought about. Sorry, girls, unless you're really very special indeed, no guy is going to drop every other contact and focus all his efforts on you. That's just the way it is.

Person_one

bitemebankers wrote: »

I'm sensing that some women don't like the levelling of the playing field that internet dating has brought about. Sorry, girls, unless you're really very special indeed, no guy is going to drop every other contact and focus all his efforts on you. That's just the way it is.

Oh yuk, could you shoehorn a little more misogyny in there?

Of course people (of both genders) decide to focus on just one person sometimes. That's how the relationships progress, otherwise everyone would just stay on the sites forever.

j.e.j.

I must admit I don't like the idea of looking at pictures of people and then going: "I'll try THAT one, and THAT one, .. and maybe THAT one.." like you're in a candy shop :rotfl:

Having said that I do know a couple who met on a well-known dating site and they are very happy, settled down and having a family now.

I gather the guys far outnumber the women on these sites, and a lot of them are just looking for a bit on the side, but there are some genuine people on there, too.

FBaby

LouLou wrote: »

Yeah, if a guy was "serious" right from the start he might just scare me off! That's the flip side of the coin with dates, some guys are too un-interested, some are too eager. It can be hard for a guy to walk that fine line.

This is not what I meant by serious! What I meant is someone who doesn't give you mix signals, who doesn't tell you that he had a great time and looks forward to see you again and then ignores your emails. Someone who says that he can't be much in contact because he/she is very busy, but then is online day and night. Someone who agrees on a date, then cancels at the last minute with a dodgy explanation. Someone who say they will call you in the evening, doesn't, and then gets annoyed if you ask why they didn't call.

Even though I certainly wasn't looking for a serious relationship from the start, I was looking for one long term. I had no interest in wasting my time with someone who was just looking for fun, even on the off chance that somehow, he fell in love with me and decided to change his mind.

I didn't have time to waste and all I wanted was someone reliable.

FBaby

bitemebankers wrote: »

I'll let you into a little secret* here: everyone on internet dating sites is playing the field. That's the whole point of being there. Some people are also looking for someone to settle down with - the two are not mutually exclusive. You play the field, you find someone you like, you settle down. That's the normal way of things.

* Not exactly a secret, more like the patently obvious

I'm sensing that some women don't like the levelling of the playing field that internet dating has brought about. Sorry, girls, unless you're really very special indeed, no guy is going to drop every other contact and focus all his efforts on you. That's just the way it is.

Thankfully you are wrong My man had no interest at all in playing the field. He resorted to dating site to meet someone because his line of work and activities meant he had very opportunities to meet women. I was the first and only woman he contacted, first date and he cancelled his membership! I am though indeed very special....but so is he

LouLou

I knew what you meant by "serious" but I was just sharing my experience of a guy who was too much, too soon. Some people (women can be too, of course) are a bit too impatient, and needy in the beginning, turn the dial up to 11, and put off people who might be good for them*. You have to truly get to know someone before you can turn your life around for them and fill that partner-shaped hole (OK, I'm being cheesy now).

Years ago, a boyfriend told me he'd been on a date who put it right on the line: She announced as he sat down, "I'm looking for the father of my children." No pressure, then!

It's very rare that "all bets are off" after one date and you commit to each other right away, but everyone has their own ideals and sense of what feels "okay". For me, if a guy told me he wasn't interested in anyone else from the first date, or too early on, in any case, I'd be wondering if I had a stalker on my hands. Insecurity maybe throws their logic and ability to make wise judgements right out the window.

If it "feels right", for both of you, who am I to judge?

*I should point out that I don't think Gwen has done this, just my thoughts about some who are focussed on ticking the "boyfriend" box without too much thought behind it. Marry in haste, repent at your leisure is only too true!

Joons

bitemebankers wrote: »

I'll let you into a little secret* here: everyone on internet dating sites is playing the field. That's the whole point of being there. Some people are also looking for someone to settle down with - the two are not mutually exclusive. You play the field, you find someone you like, you settle down. That's the normal way of things.

* Not exactly a secret, more like the patently obvious

I'm sensing that some women don't like the levelling of the playing field that internet dating has brought about. Sorry, girls, unless you're really very special indeed, no guy is going to drop every other contact and focus all his efforts on you. That's just the way it is.

I do get all that, I do possess some common sense thanks. The point I was making was he'd messaged this lady again not even realising he'd already spoken with her on another site, that's normal behaviour is it?

floss2

LouLou wrote: »

It's not really the same situation, though, floss2.

If a guy is flakey and not maintaining contact, being vague and leaving things open-ended, not even remembering little things like Gwen's photo/additional profile, it usually means something is up and probably still "looking". Sounds like you managed to keep your online connection pretty stable even though physically you couldn't meet for a while.

If there's give and take there, it's definitely worth pursuing, but always wise to hold back a bit till you meet.

PS: Not sure where the annoyed emoticon came from, at the top (?)

I wouldn't exactly say that it was "pretty stable" having any sort of contact by email with someone who lived 50 miles away from me, was working in a variety of countries - USA, Israel, Belgium & France to name a few - whose work laptop does not allow personal email accounts, and who was away from home for up to 3 weeks at a time...in 2003, when smart phones and easy acess to email & the internet was not as it is now.

Yes, this guy probably is keeping his options open, but don't immediately assume that because someone is on a dating website they are married and living a second life.