Internet dating issue

gwen80

How do you know he's looking for action? Just because he didn't take things further from the first website doesn't mean he's not a genuine guy. I haven't gone on a date with every guy that I've messaged. Doesn't mean I'm not genuinely interested in meeting someone.

I'm debating this here, so presumably we're all wasting our time?

podperson

It doesn't really matter at this stage whether he's really a trainee surgeon or whatever else (maybe he is, someone has to be!). The more important point is that you gave him a clear opportunity to get in contact with you direct and arrange something - if he was interested he would have done that. The fact that he's now contacted you on another site says that he's still looking for someone - while the fact he's not noticed you're the same person says to me either very flaky or contacting so many people he can't keep track. Either way I would say you're probably well out of it and wouldn't bother replying to him on the new site.

floss2

Crikey, I'm glad I didn't ask for any advice when me & DH met on an internet dating site in late Jan / early Feb 2003...we emailed for about 2 months before we could meet up due to my family & his work commitments. No doubt I would have been told that he was just stringing me along and was playing the field when he told me he was out of the country for on average 2 weeks per month.

Hey ho, I guess meeting up & marrying him were all I could expect for being so gullible as to believe him.

LouLou

It's not really the same situation, though, floss2.

If a guy is flakey and not maintaining contact, being vague and leaving things open-ended, not even remembering little things like Gwen's photo/additional profile, it usually means something is up and probably still "looking". Sounds like you managed to keep your online connection pretty stable even though physically you couldn't meet for a while.

If there's give and take there, it's definitely worth pursuing, but always wise to hold back a bit till you meet.

PS: Not sure where the annoyed emoticon came from, at the top (?)

bitemebankers

FBaby wrote: »

I strongly believe that if something is going to come out of a date through a website, it will be obvious from the start. Serious people don't mess about. They either like you and want to see you again and so act accordingly, or for many various reasons don't and will act unreliably. Don't waste your time on such men if you are looking for more than fun.

This simply isn't the case and you risk writing off many people by taking such a dogmatic, polarised view. Dating is a process for people to get to know one another and it's unreasonable to expect anyone to make a decision after a single date.

What's more, most (sensible) people who use dating sites have several dates lined up at any one time. This isn't "messing about", it's just a sensible use of time, which is particularly important for professional problem who are generally short of time. Also, given the nature of internet dating, it can be hard to keep track of all your first dates and potential first dates. All that indicates is that you're dealing with a human being rather than a robot with a big spreadsheet...

The best advice I could give is to take it EASY! Dating is meant to be a fun, social activity. Enjoy it!

LouLou

Yeah, if a guy was "serious" right from the start he might just scare me off! That's the flip side of the coin with dates, some guys are too un-interested, some are too eager. It can be hard for a guy to walk that fine line.

I went on a date with a guy last year who made it plain he wanted a girlfriend and he was too much, too quickly. I had to "tell him off", but kindly, to let him know he was being too overbearing and putting all his unrealistic expectations onto me. When you don't "know" each other at all well it can be almost scary....

I agree with you bitemebankers, it's a slow-burner, dating, and you're both discovering about one another, so you can only judge each guy individually and not generalise too much. Unfortunately there is no such thing as an "instant relationship". There are some sincere guys out there.

bitemebankers

This is the thing. Being serious about finding a 'big' relationship doesn't negate having some fun along the way. Quite the contrary.

SailorSam

I'm disappointed in so many of you, just 'cos the guy hasn't got a run-of-the-mill job and he's busy working. Have faith in people, i get this attitude all the time just because i'm an astronaut and i had to go on one or two trips to Mars.

geoffky

Or just a 419er (dating section)...Look up how it works...Sounds a familiar modus operandi.
Getting mixed up who they are talking to is a pointer..

Joons

Ok, I was wrong about Maureen43 but on this occasion I am right - he's just not that into you......he clearly is playing the field, poor guy can't even remember what half his dates look like! Move on, the fact he said, I'll let you know, wud be enuf to put me right off him!