Internet dating issue

gwen80

Hi

I've dabbled in the world of internet dating for a while. In January, a guy messaged me via my friend Sarah's dating website. I looked at his profile, we appeared to have quite a lot in common. I replied, messages went back and forth, we seemed to have quite a number of common interests. Then he went quiet. He's training to be a surgeon, so probably busy I figured. Left it a couple of weeks. I didn't want to renew for another month, so sent him a message just saying:

I hope you're feeling better after your fall (we both enjoy horse riding and he'd had a fall), if you want to grab a coffee or go for a walk sometime I'm on:

My email address

I thought that way I'd made it clear that I'd quite like to meet up for a low-key date to see if there was anything there, had left the ball in his court and had hopefully not appeared too desperate after his lack of reply.

He replied to that message saying 'Thanks, that would be nice. I'll let you know'. That was about three weeks ago and haven't heard anything since.

I'm also on another dating website and last night received a message from him via the second website. Now I'm really confused. I assume he hasn't realised I'm the same person (despite the same photo's on both profiles), but he's a busy guy and has probably been messaging lots of people.

I'm kind of at a loss what to do now? Do I sign up to message him via the second website and say I'm the same person? But then surely there's a reason why he hasn't gotten back to me so would that be a waste of time?

It's kind of rare I meet someone with so much potentially in common, so I'd quite like to meet up, but I can't drag him out on a date.

Thanks

Gwenx

gwen80

Any advice?

lippy1923

hmm, tricky one. If I were you, I would let him know by email that you are the same person and see what he has to say. At least you will know where you stand.

FBaby

Yes, move on! He is using the site to have fun. He is probably a married man with a boring job enjoying a world a fantasy. Come on, do you really think a trainee surgeon has time to go on website, or more importantly...the need??? There will be plenty of single nurses when he trains!

One time I went on a date with a guy I really liked. We did hit it off and we suggested going on a second date when we said good bye. I emailed, he emailed back and then...he disappeared. Thinking it through, I realised that he had asked me quite a few questions about what I wanted in a relationship, agreeing with what I said, but also talked about another date, and the penny then dropped that although I do believe that he was indeed single, he wasn't interested in a relationship, just looking for some fun, ie. sex with no strings, and that although he liked me, he realised that I wouldn't be up for that.

I strongly believe that if something is going to come out of a date through a website, it will be obvious from the start. Serious people don't mess about. They either like you and want to see you again and so act accordingly, or for many various reasons don't and will act unreliably. Don't waste your time on such men if you are looking for more than fun.

AlwaysWorking

Hi Gwen. Obviously you know better than us how well the emails were going...but my immediate reaction is that is he were truely interested, he would have suggested a date before now. I wouldn't sign up to a new website (incurring costs?) in the hope that he would suggest meeting when he has had your email address for a few weeks and hasn't acted so far.

I'm sorry if this isn't the advice you were hoping for...maybe others will disagree with me. Good luck whatever you decide to do.

ifstar

Move on from him.
If he had time to message you on the second site then he would have had time to send you an email and at least say that he was really busy.

Even if he is very busy with work, if he lives reasonably local then you would have been able to meet up for a quick coffee in 3 weeks.

Cherry_Bomb

LOL trainee surgeon. Makes a change from the "he told me we couldn't meet coz he was a secret agent and it would put me in danger" type stories you read about in magazines whilst waiting for your doc appointment.

Move on OP. if he really hasn't realised you're the same person then he's an idiot.

meer53

Cherry_Bomb wrote: »

LOL trainee surgeon. Makes a change from the "he told me we couldn't meet coz he was a secret agent and it would put me in danger" type stories you read about in magazines whilst waiting for your doc appointment.

Move on OP. if he really hasn't realised you're the same person then he's an idiot.

My first thought too ! Trainee surgeon indeed :rotfl:

money_maker_2

I would put him on the spot and let him know I was the same person. Then move on and find a decent bloke who is worth your time.

j.e.j.

It sounds like whoever it is is still on the lookout for somebody. A message that ends in "I'll let you know.." is, I would think, a polite way of saying he's not interested, but I may be wrong.

As for trainee surgeons being on dating sites, well I do know of someone who works as a hospital consultant who found her beloved through an internet dating site. Her work hours were so long she didn't have time to go searching for someone in real life!

DUTR

gwen80 wrote: »

Any advice?

As other have suggested, just put it down to experience and move on.
Some people (usually women) will say "I will let you know" when it is because they don't like to say no.
He could be well training to be a surgeon (surgeons have wants and needs too) , He may want to test the market before commiting to one, nowt wrong with that either.