Internet dating issue

krlyr

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

But she hasn't met him!

They've had the online equivelant of a meeting at a bar, if not more - from OP's timings it could have been about 2 weeks of chatting back and forth. Enough time to get enough interest to see if he's a genuine bloke.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

krlyr wrote: »

They've had the online equivelant of a meeting at a bar, if not more - from OP's timings it could have been about 2 weeks of chatting back and forth. Enough time to get enough interest to see if he's a genuine bloke.

Evidently not.

gwen80

LouLou wrote: »

Believe me, I know quite a few people who have "settled" and are unhappy about who they're with. I'd rather be single than cause myself and other people heartache further down the line by being with someone who isn't right.

I'm not trying to be trippy-hippy (re, your "zen" comment) but so many people are focussed on the end goal, it's all about having a boyfriend and not putting too much thought into the reasons, or whether they truly are compatible. The hearts and flowers stage doesn't last very long. And I'm talking women (most guys I know are much more easy-ozy about commitment) who have lived and loved quite a bit, not just teenagers with stars in their eyes.

I was trying to be kind and maybe offer advice, and make no apologies for that.

Thanks LouLou and for your other post.

j.e.j. wrote: »

I wondered about this. Doctors (generally speaking!) aren't forgetful, and OP said her photos were the same on both sites. He could have overlooked it or not taken much notice, I suppose. He does sound like he's still on the lookout for someone, though, and for that reason I wouldn't get my hopes up if I were the OP.

This! This is what confused me the most. However, I've double checked both my profiles and only one photo is the same on both websites. Still, it's one photo that's clearly the same. I don't think (!) I look that different on the others, just me in different settings and whilst the profiles aren't identical, I'd have thought they contain enough similarities. Maybe he was in a rush, although I noticed he'd 'Liked' me on the second website on Wednesday (he could have done this earlier as the website doesn't alert you) and sent me a message on Friday night.

I agree. I need to write this one off. Rather than waste my money signing up to reply to him again, I'm considering writing something at the top of my profile saying:

If I haven't replied to your message it may be because we've already communicated via a different site ;-)

Although if he's unobservant enough not to notice it's the same person his may miss this, but never mind.

Gwen

gwen80

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

Evidently not.

Are you saying he's not a genuine bloke? Why?

yvonne13_2

OP just move on and find someone that doesn't want you to keep spending money just to return a message....Sorry but it sounds strange to me.

gwen80

yvonne13 wrote: »

OP I think you need to take a step back and look at things from all angles.

The man is on more than one website looking for god knows what, you have chased him like a love sick puppy and he couldn't give a rat's behind.

You've Googled his first name yet you have no surname and you've convinced yourself that he's real....

Your best of Googleing his user names from both sites to see what he's really upto.

Going forward try and treat internet dating as speed dating that way you wont get disappointed when a guy doesn't give you the signs that he's into you.

ninjaryder wrote: »

Could be a trainee TREE surgeon ?

I hope I'm never cynical enough to assume everyone's a liar. From his profiles, his messages and his photo's, I have no reason to doubt his profession. Maybe he's wondering if I'm really a scientist?! Someone has to do these jobs! An ex colleague of mine (also a scientist) met his paediatrician wife on match.

On the other hand, if I'm considering dating someone and I have their surname, damn right I'm going to google them. I don't know his friends, his family, anything about him.

yvonne13_2

OP when I said about the guy being real I was talking about him really being into you, not about what he does for a living...

LouLou

My opinion (just an opinion, and not wishing to generalise or imply all men are like this) is that a lot of guys online are quite disrespectful, and are often hiding something.

Why do I say this? Because for years I was on dating sites like (this proves how long ago it was..) Bompi and Love @ Lycos.

I spoke to men who were quite happy to admit they were married (as if this "honesty" would endear me to them, whereas I only felt for their partners), playing the field (one guy was apparently a PE teacher who would talk to numerous women on webcam, in his office, at lunchbreak!!), or would "groom" me into trying to initiate cyber (which meant it's Mr Nice Guy for a while, then, boom, inappropriate comment out of the blue to see how I'd react). My general impression was that manners went out the window in the cyber realm and it made me feel even lonelier than before. Maybe it's worse on the free sites, who knows?

I only went on dates with a couple of men I met online and on every occasion things fizzled out pretty quickly (One was very nice and we were just "friends", there was no chemistry and as he ended up seeing someone, so we lost touch. The two others, I'm sorry to say, were a bit different from our online chats when in the flesh: definitely looking for "fun" and not much else).

Some men, on dating sites, and this happened to me a few times, would sometimes disappear (without explanation) and then reappear weeks or even months later, all chummy, as if nothing was up, still expecting to meet. Not exactly flattering.

I do think it's better to meet men in "reality", and yes, it's because the boyfriends I've had meeting through real life situations or friends of friends have worked out much better, but I realise that's just not an option for everybody.

As for you Gwen, chalk this one up to experience and don't let it put you off (even with my rather-cynical viewpoint about cyber dating!). I don't think it's healthy to assume ALL guys are lying or just want to get jiggy as I know plenty of gentlemen in my everyday life who are sincere, loyal and, dare I say it, even sensitive (and heterosexual ).

I bet in a few months' time you look back on the emails with this guy and shrug your shoulders. Better things lie ahead for you, I'm sure of it.

I don't think Googling someone is stalkery if you're intrigued by someone...stalking is inappropriate and unwanted attention, harassment. You're just confirming someone exists, and there are some Walter Mitty types out there...

Be on your guard initially, of course, but I think any intelligent woman can spot "holes" in a man's behaviour, or contradictory things he says, even online. When the red flag goes up, it's time to focus your attentions elsewhere.

FBaby

I would guess that the reason why he hasn't realised it was the same person is that he has been messaging and talking to a lot of women, at least since he contacted you and got confused with it all. For many, the interest of online dating is the frill of the attention, when you get very little in real life.

I wouldn't be surprised if he was just on a roll, did a search and messaged all those that showed that thought could be interesting without thinking much at the time...it is likely that the penny dropped later!

I would respond, but purely out of fun. At least it will be interesting to see if he has a sense of humour or not!

Funky_Bold_Ribena

gwen80 wrote: »

Are you saying he's not a genuine bloke? Why?

Because he is still looking for action. How much more time are you going to waste on this?