Nice people thread part 8 - worth the wait

GDB2222

michaels wrote: »

Please don't quote.

I don't have one which I feel bad about but I have been putting oof as I know it will cause contion between DW and I wrt gaurdianship of DKs. Basically she doesn't like my family and would insit that her family should be named, some of whom I think some of are a bit trashy and would see our DKs as pound signs allowing them (relatives) to live a very cushy unemployed lifestyle using kids money and that DW in a vulnerable state would not have the strength to resit their suggestions; whilst DKs might end up living a rather 'unstructured' low ambition lifestyle. I know the answer is to discuss with DW but she has such an inferioity complex when it comes to our respective families (almost entirely unjustified) that it will be hard to reach an agreement that we are both happy with.

In that case, at least do wills excluding guardianship?

DW and I have very very short wills leaving everything to each other. If we both die together, the intestacy provisions will kick in and it will all go to our children, BUT we really ought to tidy it up. Besides that I doubt that anyone but me knows where they are - the wills, not the children.

SingleSue

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I didn't mean to sound as if I think that other people can't wait for their relatives to die and leave them a fortune; I think ambivalence about inheritance is entirely standard.

I also agree that intestacy is usually a serious problem, and everyone should have a will. Makes things much easier when the inevitable happens.

My parents were prompted by my mother's illness to revise their wills - they had detailed, proper ones, but they were out of date, and referred to the care of their minor children by grandparents, etc - all our grandparents are now dead, and we are all of age, so they tidied them up.

OH and I have wills, too, naming my parents as Isaac's guardians.

I haven't done a will, not much to leave really as no house or expensive paintings etc.

The only thing would be the children and they are fast growing up and would be very capable of saying where they should go...James is an adult anyway, so he wouldn't count.

The only thing that could possibly complicate things and make it more sensible for me to do a will is that I am named in my parent's wills as a beneficiary for a third share of their house and any monies in savings (approx 80k at current prices), so maybe I should.

lostinrates

Sue, you should. The boys care remains important and also, the fact you had thought about it, perhaps thought of a clue of personal items they might each like. It's not about 'expensive' its about 'personal' that makes normal emotionally healthy people feel moved to graceless behaviour over intestacy I think.

neverdespairgirl

lostinrates wrote: »

Michaels, this is exactly why you need to do it. Tbh, it's so very important a reason that I would even spend on arbitration or something to work through and meet some agreement.

I hope raising it here means its tackled.

This ^ ^ ^ ^

LIR is entirely and completely right.

SingleSue

I've sold most of what I held dear since the divorce to keep the family going, there is very little here now, the only sentimental items are things the boys themselves have given me, a doll I sold to my maternal nan when I was about 6 (and was given back to me on her death), a teddy I gave to my aunt (which was given back to me on her death) and a door stop I gave to my paternal nan (which again, was given back to me on her death).

The rest is nothing really, old tellies, white goods, my wedding dress (yes, I still have it), a few clothes from when the boys were babies and old photo albums. The book collection has gone, the Piggin collection has gone, the art has gone...I'm not really materialistic and what is left, would only really be good enough for the tip.

As for the boys, they wouldn't opt for their father and he wouldn't really want them but they still have a good relationship with my ex mum in law, my parents and my siblings...oh and they all have local godparents who understand them.

bugslet

However complicated, stop putting the will stuff off! * bossy mode*:o


Mr Bugs and I ( not married, together 27 years), made wills a long time ago and got round to EPAs, jsut as important. God forbid anyone has an illness or injury that means they can no longer take care of thier own affairs, but it happens and makes life so much easier for the spouse/partner that has enough on their plate without having to deal with not being able to access funds.

PasturesNew

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

Campers / walkers say that too. And it's still rubbish (-:

I think walking around hills in sleety gales is just nasty, no matter how good your kit is.

I can think of nothing worse.... you're out there, alone .... in the freezing cold, driving sleet and relentless rain.... why? You walk, alone, getting more and more sodden - to return home, drenched, freezing, hungry ..... have to wash all your clothes and huddle under a blanket to get warm again (which could take days).

Or ..... get online and chat to people.

Guess which I choose

PasturesNew

The reason I've not made a will has primarily been the cost. Until last year's events, it was OK as my parents will have got the lot and it would have been distributed as appropriately from there. Now though, it's different, as care home fees are being paid any intestate amounts would go straight into that pot in their entirety.

But wills aren't free..... and so it's put off again.

bugslet

PasturesNew wrote: »

I can think of nothing worse.... you're out there, alone .... in the freezing cold, driving sleet and relentless rain.... why? You walk, alone, getting more and more sodden - to return home, drenched, freezing, hungry ..... have to wash all your clothes and huddle under a blanket to get warm again (which could take days).

Or ..... get online and chat to people.

Guess which I choose

I detest the idea of camping, lack of big bath and room service, don't much like the idea of walking up hill and down dale in bad weather, but for some reason, I can often be found early on a Sunday morning with some mutts in winter on Southport beach. Don't know why, but it's very, erm, bracing:o

PasturesNew

bugslet wrote: »

I detest the idea of camping, lack of big bath and room service, don't much like the idea of walking up hill and down dale in bad weather, but for some reason, I can often be found early on a Sunday morning with some mutts in winter on Southport beach. Don't know why, but it's very, erm, bracing:o

You'd not bother without the mutts though. Most people only go through these things because there's a reason and/or others are with them.

Nobody lies in a warm snuggly bed, alone, and thinks "I know, I need to get out in the freezing cold for no reason whatsoever, freeze my muts off, get soaked through to the skin and haave excruciating ear-ache within 5 minutes"