Nice people thread part 8 - worth the wait

mystic_trev

Spirit wrote: »

venting

You have my sympathy. I've been there with my brother, and to sort him out (and to remove stress from my parents) ended up buying him a Property he lives rent free. Families.... you can't chose them!

lostinrates

mystic_trev wrote: »

. Families.... you can't chose them!

Agreed.

I envy those who would pick the ones they have. . My mother recently mentioned she was changing her will so that my sibling and I might have o communicate about an issue more. I reiterated I would rather my parents spend in on themselves, failing that if its something that involves discussion just give it to sibling.....and attempt to deal with financial things with my biking is more than any thing either of my agents will leave behind. I just want none of that hassle in my life.

With children it's harder. My nieces are older now and have to start taking responsibility for themselves. Goodness only knows their parent and I both had to long before their age. I can do no more than I did years ago and i find myself increasingly unable to support their points of view and choices, which is fine, they SHOULD NOT be making choices their family pressure them too.

My experience of siblings with 'different to my' life choices is that there is a lot of associated guilt (but they are not our kids) and drama I no longer choose to invite in to my life. Horrid choice, not an easy one, but at one point it was a lot of pressure on my relationship, my finances and my sanity...even if you do put a sibling first those with some problems drop you the next day and long term, I don't believe it's that helpful to them to enable either.


Ye gads.

Well, that will make no sense when someone above edits, so please don't quote mine either.

michaels

LIR I hope you feeling better - migraine at the weekend = not good

MY siblings are all annoyingly well adjusted and successful (perhaps we came from a not to hot not to cold upbringing, money was always tight and therefore valued but it was very middle class) - luckily I have married in to a much more 'interesting' family so I can empathize with where you lot are coming from but I am definitely detached enough to say that tough love is the answer although how some people manage to get themselves into difficulties when not getting in to difficulties seemed like the path of least resistance never ceases to amaze me.

lostinrates

michaels wrote: »

LIR I hope you feeling better - migraine at the weekend = not good

MY siblings are all annoyingly well adjusted and successful (perhaps we came from a not to hot not to cold upbringing, money was always tight and therefore valued but it was very middle class) - luckily I have married in to a much more 'interesting' family so I can empathize with where you lot are coming from but I am definitely detached enough to say that tough love is the answer although how some people manage to get themselves into difficulties when not getting in to difficulties seemed like the path of least resistance never ceases to amaze me.

Tough love might seem like the answer when it's just one adult/difficult teen. When its someone with tiny I tots or children too young to really get that the situation 'is what it is' it is much harder to stand back and do nothing, because they suffer too. I definitely wish tough love had been applied before kids came along.


Edit....oh, and yes thanks, feel fine now. I spent some time with dh last evening and thought that I was better, but then crashed asleep when he was least expecting it. Then this morning I sort of went through the motions of life with the head and some flashing lights, and a bit of a mood . But actually feel pretty darn good this evening.

silvercar

Generali wrote: »

In Aus, houses connected to town water are all on meters so saving water is a priority, even at times like now when the drought has broken.

We've got one of these:

http://www.amazon.com/Evolve-Showerheads-SS-1002CP-SB-Water-Saving-Shower-Head/dp/B0017YXIKC

It's great. You turn your shower on hot and wonder off to get tea/use toilet/shout at the kids/make dinner. Normally you get back and the water is hot but loads of it has gone down the drain.

With this, once hot water starts coming through, it restricts the flow to a dribble until you come back and flick the lever back over. Brilliantly simple! It'll save us a mint.

Why would anyone put the shower on and walk away? I may stand outside for 10 seconds while the water gets hot, but I would never switch the water on and leave the room. And I don't have a water meter.

silvercar

michaels, I thought planners were generally reluctant to allow back garden developments.

Just done a 400 mile round trip to deposit DS2 back at uni, with lunch at the in-laws to break up the journey.

Oh and I split the driving, so it wasn't too bad.

DS2 wouldn't let me see his room, which means he had left it in a state!

Spirit_2

silvercar wrote: »

Just done a 400 mile round trip to deposit DS2 back at uni,
DS2 wouldn't let me see his room, which means he had left it in a state!

I love that about offspring - give up your day do a 400 mile round trip for me but make sure you keep your curiosity as to the space I live in in a boxas I will not see it as an 'exchange/fair swap' but a gross invasion of privacy.

Unconditional love (and favours).

This morning as I was in stressed sister mode my mum radar was switched off.

DD was relatively well groomed and wearing clean clothes that looked like they were meant to go together. (Well groomed in our house means you have dried your hair with a hair dryer and brushed it). Weekend clothes for DD are usually unironed mismatched casual horsey, hair is tied up, mirrors are never looked in.

A neighbour and her adult daughter and 2 year old grandson unexpectedly popped round - they also us brought a HM cake:)- as we all sat and chatted - DD anwered the door and a young man came in, was introduced and chatted with us. They then went out.

Neighbours remarked on how engaging he was and asked a few friendly questions. I could not answer any as I had never seen him before nor had I known she was going out.

I am not sure if this was a potential date or just a friend...and I will have to wait and see what if anything she tells me. But I am interested.

lostinrates

Of all the exciting things a youngish married couple could be doing on a Saturday night, dh and I just cleaned our bedroom carpet.

Not before time.....both awed and revolted by the colour of the water coming out of the carpet cleaner.

Amazing though. Tomorrow the sitting room and hallway. The hallway will be vile, vile.

Spirit_2

lostinrates wrote: »

Of all the exciting things a youngish married couple could be doing on a Saturday night, dh and I just cleaned our bedroom carpet.

Not before time.....both awed and revolted by the colour of the water coming out of the carpet cleaner.

Amazing though. Tomorrow the sitting room and hallway. The hallway will be vile, vile.

Oh LiR. Hardly worth getting over the headache for.

I went on to marry my husband despite him having once (when we were courting) spending a saturday night cleaning his shoes. I had travelled for several hours to spend the evening/night with him.

lostinrates

Spirit wrote: »

Oh LiR. Hardly worth getting over the headache for.

I went on to marry my husband despite him having once (when we were courting) spending a saturday night cleaning his shoes. I had travelled for several hours to spend the evening/night with him.

It's ok, I got over the headache for something else earlier and later, all the better in a room with a fragrant carpet :D.

We've done a bit of a tidy up (we have an ongoing dehoarding thing going on and the only way to face it is a bit at a time). And now our room looks better and smells decent.

Tbh, never going to love the of blood red poly carpet, but of it smells more of lavender than wet cat then I hate it less. And the mint green cabinet we painted a few weeks ago looks fantastic with two pamplemousse pink candles burning infront of one of its mirrors. And dh has very sweet
Y offered me his slide of the bed for making a line of shoes along...

And I really think this might be the last week of flannel sheets.....we kicked of the duvets and slept under one light single summer quilt last night.