Hoarding - Springing Ahead

GreyQueen

(((anirtrak))) you're not unemployable, you aren't actively selling your labour at this precise moment in time. There's a big difference in the headspace and please try to hold onto the positive slant. Your worth as a human being isn't dependant on someone purchasing your labour for cash, you are a lot more than a labour unit.

Now, excellent advice about looking for your old bank statements. How about another sideways approach to getting the same data? Assuming you were on PAYE, I'm guessing that HMRC will have records of your employment, including when, who for, how much you earned and when you started and finished those employments. Might you be able to get the info from them?

Home is a state, caused by me being away all Easter, back in late last night, out at work, home briefly, back after archery (and 3 phonecalls in that slew, one outgoing and 2 incoming from friends, plus some texting). I have several unopened letters which arrived whilst I was away and I won't look at them now, in case there's anything contentious in there which might see me wound up before bedtime, which isn't good.

I come across to people who don't know me too well as so laid back I'm positively horizontal. To people who know me better, they recognise I can easily morph into the Duracell Stress Bunny and that's not what I want to be doing before bedtime.

Tomorrow, I will aim to take some time to get some donation bags off to Hoxfam so there's less stuff on the floor. I have lots to do but have to pace myself due to the ME, and some things will just have to go hang tonight. It was murder in work today as always after a Bank Holiday with lots of people ringing in and me trying to do the work of several people, but it's all part of the job and I mostly like it a lot.

Heck, it's indoor work with no heavy lifting and they pay me for talking to people, what's not to like? :rotfl:

Hmm, tidying up......there's a bit of cake in the fridge, I could start by tidying that up into me, couldn't I? It's all decluttering. :A

anirtak191

just dragged hubby into the other room and had him go through the baskets i went through last night with me, managed to throw a few more things in the black bag, and add a couple more items that hubby is in charge of putting onto the local fb page.
i still kept even tho i dont really use them any more, a cassette tape i had form when i was maybe 5 years old, as often as i think about putting it in the bin cos of how old i am now, i just cant seem to part with it. its one of those personalised tapes form santa, where he says hello to me and if i remember right a couple of christmas songs, and a game or 2 to "play with the elves"
i know its a silly little thing, but i dont remember a lot of good times while growing up, and as little as i remember, that tapes just seems important to me. hubby always complains a little about how i only seem to remember the bad times, and i think it might be cos they outweigh the good. i remember the tape, and i remember maybe 2 other good memories off the top of my head anything else i can think of isnt so good. sometimes someone will say soemthing that will trigger a different memory, but for some reason i do try and cling to those couple of good ones i remember most often.

whitewing, bank statements are one thing that i dont have cluttering up places. i stopped receiving paper statements years ago, so that it was less bits coming in. and hubby talked me into getting rid of the ones i had that were about 10-15 years old about a year or 2 ago.

something else i also got rid of that i didnt think i ever would, was all the paper work i had from college, i decided there was no point in keeping it as i failed on one aspect of my course whitch made me fail the whole lot, the tutor refused to give me a half certificate as the aspect i failed she said was the most important and i couldnt have a career without that bit under my belt. i studied hairdressing. and failed the cutting part. she told me i didnt have enough confidence to be able to pass me, witch ended up being another failure under my belt, and another confidence knock that i dont think ive ever got back up from properly, as at the time hairdressing was the only thing id ever wanted to do. each failure knocks me down further and after each one i find it harder to climb back out.
i also had a 5 year plan, when i was 17. pass college, get married, start my own business, start a family.
the get married didnt happen, as my partner i had the 5 yr plan with ended the relationship. confidence knock big time, spiralled, well not out of control, but went through a self destructive stage, witch knocked my confidence in my hairdressing, so in a matter of around 10 months, id lost my whole 5 year plan, and i dont think ive ever completely crawled back out of it. i start to feel liek things go well, then something happens. most of the time now, i wait for the second shoe to drop..

whitewing

You are married now though, aren't you?

There are a million things that I could beat myself up over. I just choose not to at the moment (apart from some stuff that creeps in when I'm tired).

What does hubby think you're good at?

Why don't you check out hairdressing again, if you're interested in it still? Even if only to do a course to show yourself you can do it, or to decide that it no longer floats your boat. Could you do a hairwashing/styling service where you go to people's homes eg for someone who couldn't raise their arms. I have a friend who does hairstyling for some elderly people - she's never been properly trained, just learnt from her own mum and then got asked by some people in their social circle.

If you are suffering from anxiety/depression (as I have) then any connections you make with the human race start to change your perspective - you have a lot to offer.

Perhaps you could visit your GP, and get some CBT related to your hoardingness and then see what happens as you start to think a little bit differently.

Ames

Hi antirak! I'm a little bit further along in my quest to be an ex hoarder, but not that much further. Your excuses sounded soooo familiar.



someone bought me that, I've been dithering for ages about a clock my mum got me for Christmas when I first left home. It's hideous! I'd said I liked some clocks made out of slate tiles at a craft fair. I should have been more precise and said the plain or tasteful ones. She got me one with two kittens in a basket. I don't like cats, never have done. For years I've had it hung up in the kitchen where it can't quite be seen. Mum passed away three years ago and my immediate thought was 'I can't get rid of it. Mum got me it'. Yes, I can get rid of it - it's going. (Meanwhile, the present she got me the last Christmas, a nice breadbin, is sitting on top of a book case in the hallway as there's currently no room in the kitchen for it....)

its too good to throw away, In my last post I mentioned a leather biker jacket. It was a present when I was a teenager, it cost around £100 I think, it's now worth a fiver on ebay. Or the monsoon skirts that haven't fitted me since, erm, before I got them (I aimed to lose weight. I didn't...). If they're too good to throw away, give them to a charity shop - that way they can do good. That sounds so much easier than it is though, so think about shops you can get to easily, where you can just chuck the stuff at a volunteer and scarper. My favourite is near a caf! so I can 'reward' myself afterwards.
that might come in handy, My thoughts now are 'when was it last handy? If I need it again, will I ever be able to find it, or will I end up buying a replacement anyway?

and the biggest one i think about is, where i dont have a lot of money, that cost money (sometimes a lot)and to me, its like throwing money out. Ooooh, this is the one that's bothering me still. I've done the easy stuff. DVD's I could think 'well yes, it cost a tenner when DVDs were newly invented, but I'd be lucky to get 50p on ebay for it'. The more expensive items are harder to let go, especially when it's for a lot less than I paid. So at the moment they're staying while I decide what to do with them. I've got lots and lots of other things that can keep me busy getting rid!


As for your second post... if I'd had a quid every time I've bagged something up for the charity shop or bin and the bag's burst and it's just been abandoned where it fell, then...... I'd have spent it on more crap to fill the flat with.


I use really, really thin bags. I had the wonderful idea of getting a roll of purple bin liners from B&M, thinking that they'd stand out and wouldn't get mistaken for rubbish. Hah! You know the bags you get in supermarkets to put veg in, the really thin ones? They're bags for life compared to these bin liners. But it does mean that I can say 'took four bags to the CS today', when if they were in the thick, expensive, top of the range bags there'd probably only have been two. It's a great mental boost to hand over lots of bags at once. And the more I use the sooner they'll be gone and I can get something more sensible.


You're actually doing really well. And this thread helps so much! I'm getting help from the council with my hoarding (I live in a council flat and some workmen reported the way I was living as unsafe). Part of my plan is to keep reading and posting on this thread. I've had so many lightbulb moments because of it. I really recommend spending (a lot of) time reading through the three threads. I'm about 100 pages into the first one and I've found it really helpful. Mainly because I read something and think - that's me!! I've done that!! It's not just me, I'm not a freak!!


And some posts are really funny.

lobbyludd

ahh, 5 year plans:

"Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans" and "Man Makes Plans, and God Laughs" etc.

great going on the black bag of stuff.

I'd keep the tape - it sounds adorable, is a feel-good thing and is tiny. you could make a positive decision to keep that joyful reminder of good times, and clear a space of less-important, less happy stuff and give it a home, that will make you smile whenever you see it

re failures - what I'm hearing from this side of the interweb is you learning new skills and reaching/exceeding the "standard" for most of them but having a few knock backs: passing most of the course is an accomplishment and these may not have been the best trades for you, or the best times to learn those skills or maybe you would have benefited from a different teaching style?

fab progress on getting rid of that paperwork and when you really need to you will be able to get hold of your employment dates, the good thing about having got hold of your previous employers is that if they don't have a record of the dates, then they can't dispute whatever you pt down on an application - so approximate date swill definitely suffice

this next bit might seem a bit random - but as a a fully paid up/card carrying member of the crazy gang with a rich and interesting array of mental health diagnoses I am gently asking if you are getting help with the anxiety you mention? and perhaps maybe a little depression if you think that is something you might have (apols if I'm wrong - "tone" over the internet is difficult at times, feel free to tell me to sod off ).

my progress - normal bins out, and have filled a hole in the floor with screed hurrah, we will see if it works - the box of letters is still in the loft, the shoe cabinet is still under the stairs and no sewing has been done but things are being ticked off my list - progress not perfection

Ames

My update for today.


It was a really miserable, rainy day when I got up. I ran out of shampoo last night, so I decided to go to York designer outlet where there's a body shop outlet shop. But I also needed to go to Dunelm, which is in the opposite direction. Aha, thought I - I'll go to Dunelm at York.


And managed to get spectacularly lost. I've no idea how, as I know the area reasonably well. Eventually I gave up and got the satnav out. I still can't figure out how I'd doubled back and ended up further away than when I took the wrong exit.


Anyway, I was really good at the designer outlet, just got the shampoo and shower gel that I needed. (And some cheap chocolates, shhh!). I also bought one book from the Works. It's one I've wanted to read for ages, and it's a triumph - I only bought one, even though they were three for a fiver. Instead of thinking 'it's a waste of money to only buy one' I thought 'why spend an extra three quid'.
I had a list of household stuff I needed from Dunelm, and mostly I stuck to stuff that I need. A broom to deal with a couple of disaster areas and pull stuff out from under furniture. A wash basket for the bathroom, and a couple of adhesive hooks for the bathroom (so I can get rid of the towel rail). And a hallway mirror - I figured I really should have a mirror somewhere in the flat, especially since I had my hair cut a month ago and he messed up the parting, so I need to look in a mirror to sort it out.


Shockingly, when I got back I found that I could put my hands straight on the hammer. Although I'm slightly bemused as to why it was in a bin under the chair that has my printer on. It's currently on my sofa, because it seems stupid to put it back in the bin, but I'm not sure where else it can go.


So the mirror is up on the wall, instead of languishing in amongst the carp until it gets broken and thrown away.


I'm not sure that the coffee and cake were strictly necessary though!


I also got a new laundry basket (one for carrying washing about rather than for storing it) from B&M because my old one fell apart last week. I haven't thrown the old one yet, because I have a cunning plan.


My support workers are coming round tomorrow, and if they offer to take some stuff to the tip I'm going to be ready with the basket filled with a few odds and ends.


Then I decluttered some hair dye (hopefully my hair is now purple, but it's hard to tell until it dries), and while it was on I cleaned the bathroom. I finally got round to 'sorting out' the basket on the drawers. I took two items out and the rest will go straight in the bin, as soon as it's emptied and there's room. That was supposed to be today so not sure when it'll be done.


Pigpen - the jacket's a size 42 (mens, I think). The docs are mary jane style shoes, size 7, one pair in black (which I'm sure are a size 8, whatever the label says - they're too big for me anyway), and one in a powder blue. The monsoon skirts are size 16 and 18.


I think I have settled upon doing a car boot. I keep thinking of more and more things I have that can go at one. I'll scout it out on Sunday (weather permitting) and decide for sure then.

IrishRose12

Right I need someone to shove a rocket up my a**e as I've come to a stand still :eek:

For some reason I'm still insisting to on keeping stuff I really don't need. I've come to a standstill after moving everything out of the bedroom to move it around. It looks all nice pretty, empty and tidy now and I really don't want to bring anything else into the room and spoil it:(

I think I'll have to take the bull by the horns tomorrow and just get rid of most of it........... if it isn't being used or won't be used, it's getting dumped.
No more charity shop stuff as I will end up keeping it, bin it and I won't go bin hoking:o

I've so many gifts, pictures cards etc from children I've worked with over the years I really need to get rid off but don't have the heart to. Once I sort all the other crap out I think I'll sit down with all my school stuff and keep some things but dump the rest. I've 2 more days left of my holiday, and am in work on Friday for half a day. I intend to have everything away by Thursday evening. If I don't I give you all permission to shout at me.

anirtak191

hi whitewing,
yes im on medication for the anxiety and depression,about 2 years, longest ive been on them , normally my dr weens me off them before i been on them for a year, and the depression has been intermitent,(either that or i just get periods where i control it better,) for about 15 years, and have just had my first of 6-10 sessions with a councilor, the amount of seesions depends on how the councilor thinks im doing. i had some councilor sessions about 3 years ago aswell, where at the end, she joined me to a group therapy with people who had senn a councilor for other things. my group thing was to try and help me go out more often, as i only go out when i have to go out for something, mainly drs apps etc. if i can find an excuse not to go out then i wont, some days just facing the front door is hard, and i dont even collect the post, just wait for hubby to bring it in when he comes home or goes out.
its as if its a form if hiding i do. and during my last lot of councilor sessions 3 years ago, i actually realised its something i have actually done since a young age, never made friends easy, and when i was young id prefer to sit in my bedroom, music on reading a book, by the time i was 18 i was unhappy at home, and didnt have anywhere else to go, so i done college and worked as a way of not having to be in the house, work from 6-8, college from 9-4, work form 5-10. half 11 by the time i got to the house, do myself something to eat, shower, bed around 2, then the day would start again at 4. ended up moving into a worse situation with an alcoholic just to get away, then managed to get my own place. i was in my own space and no longer went out as much, so ended up hiding from the world.
i moved away nearly 9 years ago, and at first things were different, i changed i went out more, and even managed to make a couple of friends. i run the park hamper, and they ordered off me, then disapared leaving us to pay cancellation fees etc, at this point then i started going out less again, but i did manage to get a job, but things happened in the job where collegues made me question myself, telling me i hadnt aid things i thought i had, and then telling me id spoken and said things to poeple when i hadnt, so questioned my sanity, and left, at this point trust was seriously deflated and started going out even less again.
i had one other friend loacally ho i thougth accepted me the way i was but then one day just suddenly stopped bothering cos she said she was fed up of always visiting me, and at the same time local family stopped talking to me, for something i had apparently done, but have no idea what as i wasnt told. but all that with the friend and family all happened at the same time they started talking with each, so no idea what went on there, thats when my last lot of depression started getting out of control and i decided it was time to go see my dr. i agreed to the councilor at the time as well, but i didnt get all my sessions as the councilor i was seeing was no longer available, and i didnt like the thoguht of seeing a new one. but some things seemed to feel so bad around october last year i agreed for the dr to refer me for the councilor, unfortunately i had a while to wait as the waiting list was longer than normal. then when everything happend with gramps being diagnosed terminal my dr pushed for my appointment to come through sooner.

ive decided to try and keep my mind busy tonight cos as you can probably tell, i dont feel like ive been having a very good day. so going to try and see if i can sort through some more stuff without getting too frustrated, i found some dishes etc that should be in the kitchen so might put them back in there. they are my christmas serving dishes, and a couple of things that belonged to hubbys late mother and i refuse to touch them in case they get broken but i wont throw them, cos he doesnt have much left that came form his parents, even tho he tells me they are ok to use. but im just scared they might get broken.

Saver-upper

Welcome aboard,Anirtak.Baby steps are definitely the way to go.
I have only been on this thread for a couple of months.Like you,I started by asking everyone "Where do I begin....how do you all get rid of stuff?".I started with teeny tiny baby-steps,and with the support of all these wonderful friends I am ploughing ahead,and becoming ruthless.Good luck,and please keep posting.


Three of my 4 children went back to school today,eldest starts back tomorrow.I also start back at work.
I think this is where the challenge begins for me.Spending "all day" decluttering,and constantly doing little "emu picks" throughout the day is fine when I am on holidays.Maintaining it during the working week,combined with working while the kids are at school (not every day),after-school activities,homework,reading for 4 children,meal-time,bath-time,bed-time,etc,is a different matter.Must find a way of keeping ontop of everything.At the moment I find constantly nagging works :rotfl::rotfl:.
The house still does look good,though there is a couple of "little messes" lying around:nobody has noticed the carp corner of my kitchen has gone-everyone still continues to just dump things there :eek:.The kids were making bonnets for Easter bonnet parade tomorrow.The craft box is still sitting out .

However,achievements for today:
-kids all arrived at school on time :j.I hate kids being late for school.It used to happen too often (by a few minutes,so you know that with a bit more planning we could have been ontime).I was determined that today was NOT going to be the first day of this school year that we were late
-most shopping done for DD's birthday in a few days
-looked in,and in my head formulated a plan for, the small cupboard space in the Welsh dresser.At the moment it contains games the kids have mostly forgotten are there,cross-stitch stuff/sewing box I haven't used for a couple of years,and about 12 newspapers.Well,it has been afew years since I have bought a newspaper,so I grabbed a couple of these to see why I may have kept them (important world event I wanted to keep a record of?Photo of my kids? etc).Three I pulled out were dated Feb 2010,Aug 2010 and April 2011.So it seems they are just papers I bought on the day and never finished reading,so kept,intending to read the human interest stories,which don't age.Will have a quick flick through them before I go to bed,and put out for recycling.Will keep 2 games the kids play when they think of it,and donate the rest :T.(Previously would have looked at and decided I could make a few pounds,so spend hours trying to sell them online and at tabletop sales)
-photographed about 6 items of kids clothes (from Next,so should be able to re-sell),and put them out of sight
-tonight I sorted out my son's bedside table.Decluttered,wiped with surface spray,polished.Only got a few items sitting on it now.And when he finishes his Easter eggs,there will be even less :rotfl: .
-when I decluttered under his bed the other day,I left his small library of night-reading propped up against the bedside table,coming out into the room in two rows.By yesterday,this arrangement was irritating me.So tonight I went into the loft and bought down 2 shallow wicker baskets to put them in.Looks much neater,and hopefully it will last.

Right,off to skim through 4yo news.....:o.
All in the name of decluttering,you understand .

anirtak191

i have to say i am starting to feel like i am lazier than i thought with everything every one else does lol.

ok why i came back on need advice, george foreman grill.
hubby wants to throw, doesnt like the way it cooks his sausages/burgers or whatever he puts on it.
me i like it i use it instead of using the grill on the cooker, easier to clean until i burn myself as its easier to do while warm.
but as hubby doesnt like the wayit cooks, it only gets used when i do meat i am just doing for me, like a piece of steak or a gammon steak. as i prefer the way they cook on there.
i would more than likely use it more often if hubby didnt mind his fod cooked on it.
but it is a large one, and i probably dont need one so big as its just the 2 of us, and mainly only me that uses it, but it is a full family sized one.
should i keep it as yes i do like to use it, just not as often as i used to before i met hubby, or do i throw it and try and get a smaller one.
it probably gets used more so around christmas when i get my meat hamper form park. and then maybe every 2 or 3 months through out the year, usually when i get a nice little money off voucher for the gammon in the local sm. or if its on offer, or if im lucky to find some reduced inbetween vouchers. same with beef if i find a small joint reduced i get it and cut it into steaks, and use the foreman to cook it.
so whats the best thing for me to do with it.
on one hand im with my husband but i know i would miss having it, witch is where the whole replace it with a smaller one comes in.

and just in case any one asks, yes i probably could cook my meat without it. but mainly my teaks wouldnt taste the same, as i over cook them when i try to cook them a different and not on the foreman.