Hoarding - Springing Ahead

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

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Jojo the Tightfisted started this chat in March 2013 (hence the Spring reference) but it's still going strong.

Read through some of the posts and join in!

If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply!

Back to the original post...

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Well, it's the vernal equinox, the first day of proper Spring, and it seemed like a good point to start our third thread, what with 2,000 :eek: posts on the last.

The second thread is here.

And the original is here.

So, as usual, here comes the introductory post, and we can move on making our lives better!

Welcome to the Thread

This is a friendly, supportive thread for anybody who is affected by hoarding issues. Hoarding isn't just untidiness, it isn't laziness - it's a genuine problem, and it can affect generations of families, all in different ways.

Some of us are the product of an environment where somebody else's hoarding affected us deeply, some have much loved partners, some have the condition and are trying to deal with the emotional and practical issues involved. Some are the exact opposite and just want to help. Everybody is welcome.


So, if you would like to post, whether once or often, lurk quietly in the shadows, never saying a word, or if you have an interest in understanding why this is happening to somebody, please, come in, take a seat and someone will be popping in to say hello.


We don't hide our thoughts or our opinions - it isn't a thread for agreement, if someone thinks another poster is making excuses or avoiding the real issues, we will say so in a fair, calm manner. We're not going to tell you that hoarding is OK. But we do understand it's more than tidying up. We've seen it, we've experienced it one way or another. We are unshockable, so don't hide your problems, thinking we'll judge you.


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Through the course of this thread, we're realising just how much hoarding confuses our lives and our emotions - and hoarding is inextricably linked to emotional pain, loss and unresolved feelings.

A poster has asked the question - what happens next? This is her question and the reply I gave - it may help somebody else;


I am also dragged down by fear...what happens when I've de-hoarded...what happens if I'm still unhappy and lonely...?



You feel the same emotions, but

you are capable of finding clean clothes,
a pair of socks,
of sitting down on any chair,
of going to bed without having to take your life in your hands going upstairs,
of inviting someone round who wants to see you and could make you feel less lonely without concern for their opinion or personal safety,
you have more money as you aren't spending it on 'stuff' to fill the hole in your heart.

You aren't harbouring mould spores,
dust mites
and various other nasties that can sap your strength and make you or your loved ones unwell.

You have space to think,
to adjust,
acknowledge,
adapt to the uncomfortable feelings,
as you aren't hemmed in by distractions such as a pile of things over there that are threatening to fall over.


You can find different things to do that can give you pleasure - having a lovely colour on the walls,
finding a beautiful picture, having it framed and putting it on your wall where you can see and appreciate it properly,
going out and starting other activities,
inviting friends round without worrying,
not stressing about the gas man,




It doesn't solve everything. But it makes the day to day so much better, easier, smoother. Which gives you time and space to deal with the harder stuff.


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[purplesignup][/purplesignup]

whitewing

Hello, new thread!

We went out for a celebratory birthday lunch today (not mine) and I am rendered useless by alcohol. That's my best excuse yet for not decluttering this afternoon.

On the plus side, I did get everything from this morning in the post.

The_Dragon

Wow proves how needed the original (and then subsequent thread) were! Thank you again Jojo

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

whitewing wrote: »

Hello, new thread!

We went out for a celebratory birthday lunch today (not mine) and I am rendered useless by alcohol. That's my best excuse yet for not decluttering this afternoon.

On the plus side, I did get everything from this morning in the post.

I dropped by the pub to briefly say happy birthday to somebody yesterday at about 9.30pm. Just him and three of his mates there (which seemed a bit miserly).


I rolled out of the cab at half past four this morning.



At quarter to eight, I got a text from DD2 saying that her best friend doesn't like bacon sandwiches, so when they came around today, was it OK if I got her something else and they'd be here at about 12.


Not quite certain how I managed to reply, but I did, then crashed for another couple of hours before getting up to make sure everything was shipshape.


It is so easy when all you have to do is open cupboards, get things out and pop them on clear worksurfaces.


And they were so good! I sat in the kitchen with them, rather than be taking over, at the table with my laptop, they cleaned up as they went along, and made some wonderful chocolately, sparkly, glittery cakes. And had a chocolate fudge frosting battle afterwards

They left about an hour ago, clutching the cakes, a few other bits and with blood sugar levels probably at stratospheric levels :whistle:, I got a lovely hug from each of them and DD2 says she wants to come round regularly from now on.



It's great when you don't have to struggle with Stuff to do these things.

zzzLazyDaisy

Just calling by to say hello to the new thread, and to report that another 'shoved full' drawer has been emptied and almost everything has been put by for the next meet-up with my friends.

And this morning I got dressed in a hurry for an appointment that I'd forgotten about, opened my newly tidied drawers and was able to find a set of matching (uncrumpled) clothes quickly and effortlessly. RESULT! :-)

Dx

Brighton_belle

Many thanks Jojo - and that is fantastic about DD2. So pleased for you.

Iris - thanks so much for reporting back re your professional declutterer - she does indeed sound marvellous and everything one would hope from someone doing that job. Can I ask how long she was with you?
Look forward to hearing the next installment.
I've been helping someone and the small amount of help has triggered such hope and enthusiasm in them that they have done far more afterwards by themselves than they though possible. Her whole feeling about her home have been transformed from loathing into great pleasure. Funnily enough we started with her bedroom too.

Lazydaisy -I loved hearing about the help you have received too - what a difference a few hrs a week has made.

Today I took a trolley full of stuff to a c.s. which felt good.
And thanks to my decluttering, my DH actually started using the spare space in the dining room (that isn't a dining room) to make something (I have a table and scroll saw in the corner now to make my stuff) and I am so pleased: my whole reasoning is to create space to do the things we want to do now, not have to climb over stuff that represents our past and stops us living now.

lobbyludd

Just wanted to say a quick thank you to everyone posting on this thread, you have in the last few days helped me start to deal with my ex-husband's things.

Picklepot

Thank you Jo Jo for the new thread. It is making such a huge difference to my mindset and i feel sure its having a ripple effect with other parts of my life.

I dont know if others find this but because we are at all different stages i find that at different times i sometime particularly identify with certain posters, and often the penny only drops much later when i forget who originally posted about something!

At the moment i am identfying with WHITEWING and the baby steps. I am chipping away at certain areas of my house that causes the biggest grief for me.It started with telling myself.. if you do nothing else today you.....

• you get the recycling put in the boxes outside

I have gradually built up on this to

• DEALwith 20 items of paperwork off the avalanching pile either shred/file/recycle
• . Gather 5 items daily to go into CS and donate once a week

I am now uo to 10 core tasks a day each does not take more than a few minutes and very often i delegate them without the family realising!

I promised myself that if i could honestly not see a difference after 2 weeks i would rethink and tweak it. Its makng little dents here and there and now the litle dents are meeting up if that makes sense..and i am seeing progress on a wider scale.

Now...steam cleaners can anyone tell me..love them hate them?? I HATE the whole mop bucket thing i like the idea of a steam cleaner or do i just like the people on the ads who do such a good job with them or do they just do a good sell to me.??:rotfl:

minimoneyme

Hello new thread, thanks Jojo.

Idris, what a positive experience!

Nothing happening here de cluttering wise, but that's ok. Work is really busy and I'm doing more workshops. I got home today, had a shower and fell asleep drying my hair!
I've had to fill in for other people who dropped out of doing workshops so I've not been into my office all week. I popped in this afternoon and :eek: what a state! I'm going to have my work cut out for me de cluttering the office next week.

Jojo sounds like a lovely (sugar fuelled) afternoon! I know what you mean about going to a cupboard and finding just what you need. I've still got a way to go with my store cupboard (also known as the under stairs junk hole) but even just getting rid of a few bits means I can get the vacuum cleaner in and out more easily or reach in a put my hand on the cheese grater without a mountain of stuff collapsing on me!

Brighton_belle

Picklepot wrote: »

and very often i delegate them without the family realising!
Now...steam cleaners can anyone tell me..love them hate them?? I HATE the whole mop bucket thing i like the idea of a steam cleaner or do i just like the people on the ads who do such a good job with them or do they just do a good sell to me.??:rotfl:

I bought one last month Pickpot after 6 months umming and arghing and thinking, well if scrubbing on my hands and knees was good enough for granny etc... I am now officially in love with an inanimate object, aka my steam mop.:D:smileyhea
It is so quick and easy - fill with water, plug in and ready to go in 20 secs. Cleans floor and leaves it dry. (Will take the shine off waxed floorboards though) So quick and simple.

whitewing

I am lusting after the Karcher steam cleaner after seeing how white the grouting comes up but then reality hits because I can never get these things to work properly for me, although the same item in my friend's hands can do a wonderful job.

I enjoyed OCD cleaners today, how sad for that couple who had the shop.

Glad that someone is keeping tabs on me because I now feel that I ought to make the effort to tidy up tonight. It is so nice to wake up to a straightened house. argh there is a ketchup bottle on the arm of the chair. I think this is DS's silent protest as he did something for me earlier without making a fuss and that is not too usual as he is a teenager!