Hoarding - Springing Ahead

Hollyberry

Calico - What a lovely post about your friend. The non-judgemental listening that you are offering is so valuable - don't underestimate the impact that can have.

PLP - Wise words on the link between security and stuff, and very clearly explained, thank you.

Well, I've been AWOL here for some time, but I have been using it productively. I may not have mentioned here that my mum died back in April, and I have spent a lot of time since then clearing the house. What really helped during the process was finding some lovely things to keep in her memory, and I've wombled them into a pretty decorated box, which now has a place of honour on top of her bureau. I've also considerably downsized the family pictures and papers etc into two scrapbook albums.

I found some very odd things she had kept scattered around the place, and it was lovely to have a "bizzarre find of the week" text with her bestie. My mum had a great sense of humour, and would have laughed with us. Although it's been really difficult, there have been some lovely moments, including sending over 80 kilos of wool and several boxes of knitting materials to the textiles department at the local college. My mum taught so many people to craft over the years (although fabric, wool and I never got on ), so I like to think that she's helping a few more now.

This weekend, I have been wombling in my study, and over 500 books are now bagged and boxed in our back hall waiting to go to the chazza next week (also in the gap days between Christmas and New Year). They are going to bring me out their trolley to help shift everything. Bless my kindle, eh? :doh:

I also have eight bin bags of clothes for the chazza and four other bags of sundry bitsas. I swear the house is rising on its foundations.

So, New Year plans include:

• sift through the remaining six bookshelves, & send to chazza as appropriate (bookworm, moi?)
• look up my mum's four sewing machines online and keep the most basic to learn to use. Sell the other three if possible or donate to college
• Send some items of furniture (big armchair, two settles, sideboard) to chazza
• Book large item collection from council for poor condition furnture

There's still a lot to do. But I can see daylight! :j

MrsAtobe

Calico, this is probably the wrong time of year, but do you think your friend would be receptive to the 'one thing in, one thing out' approach? It will at least stop her situation getting worse, and may get her back in the habit of letting things go.

The very first cupboard I dehoarded was the one that the baking trays, etc were held in. It's hard to be emotionally attached to a cake tin that you've never used. For me I had to start with the emotionally 'easier' stuff and work my way up to the more difficult things.

GreyQueen

I've just had one of those moments. Was rounding up the recycling and took a pile of newspapers out of a shallow basket on top of my cabinet. I'd formerly used this as a fruit basket, before deciding that the warmth of this place plus the fruit-fly issue meant that the fruit was better off in the fridge.

I thought I'd taken all the fruit out, before I put the papers in, when I was tidying up for company 3 weeks ago. You know where this is heading, don't you?:rotfl:

There was an ex-satsuma in the bottom of the basket. Covered with powdery mildew and glued to the the lowest newspaper. It had also somehow suppurated and leaked thru the basket onto the cloth underneath.

Result; wasted piece of fruit, basket needing cleaning (done) and cloth in the washer. It's only a few weeks since I last washed that cover due to a spillage - gah! I wonder if I totalled up the wasted time and effort caused by being a muddler in the first place, how high it could go?

whitewing

When I started I found it easier to set a target e.g. 30 items to leave the house. Even a piece of paper counted as one. That helped to get into the habit of making decisions before I was ready to deal with the emotional side.

ginnyknit

GQ those damned satsumas hide very well dont they ? I found some lurking in the fridge, cooked them in sugar syrup and put them in jar. I can whizz them up and make a cake with them later today.

Hollberry you are doing an amazing job tackling all those memories and sharing useful things. Your Mum would be impressed that you have managed so much.

Whitewing, I popped all my special cards in those plastic wallets that clip into a file so they are nicely stored now. have a couple of hundred knitting patterns to sort next. Managed to sell £20 of crafty bits slowly but surely on fleabay which paid for Dd's Chritsmas gift - win, win :j
I too am seeing something for my labours especially as I have just bagged up Mums quilted throw I made her and Ds is taking it over today. I am being tough on myself but also am doing things in 'bites'

Every bag, box or pile of papers is another square of space gained. living room window ledge is next - Oh left 2 balls of twine there so they can go in the shed (which is totally neat and organised strangely) then I can decorate there. Mantelpiece is next, really need to do something with the Christmas cards so you can see my candle holders.

Happy de-richarding to all :T

lobbyludd

hugs to everyone, I think being here is a massive step forward in dealing with the "stuff", emotional and physical.

I really do need a smoke alarm in the loft - the house in general looks so much better (although will never be minimal) and the small loft is entirely clear, but the big loft is stacked to the rafters with what is probably mostly not needed. I'm not tackling that until the summer though.

my mum has offered to pay for a cleaner for me to help me out, but I've not taken her up on it, which my friends think is mental*, I can't really explain why I'm not doing it. but I'm not comfortable with it, - I told her I wanted to get the house in a better state before taking up her kind offer, so she then offered to pay for a cleaner to organise the house for me.

Which I've flat out refused. I know she's trying to help me, but I really don't want a someone else going through my house and deciding what is worthwhile keeping or not, or me having to defend my choices. Obviously not all of the "stuff" is pictures my children have drawn over the years, but some of it still feels that level of emotion attached to it - my teenage record collection etc - I can't play records, but I remember the girl I was then, and it fills me with emotions (happy and painful) and I think I have things to deal with before I can get rid of this stuff. and I think I need the sun around to lift me while I do it.

hey ho, I have made enormous strides and I am quite happy toddling along at my own pace with this.

my post Christmas plan is getting to grips with my clothes/wardrobe etc, and the stuff to CS that's already bagged up. I'm going to go through the children's clothes for things that no longer fit and a desk to build for my son.

* hope using this word this way doesn't offend- I'm a fully paid up member of the crazy gang with a colourful array of mental health issues, and feel OK using it, but understand others wouldn't be.

lobbyludd

MrsAtobe wrote: »

Calico, this is probably the wrong time of year, but do you think your friend would be receptive to the 'one thing in, one thing out' approach? It will at least stop her situation getting worse, and may get her back in the habit of letting things go.

The very first cupboard I dehoarded was the one that the baking trays, etc were held in. It's hard to be emotionally attached to a cake tin that you've never used. For me I had to start with the emotionally 'easier' stuff and work my way up to the more difficult things.

LOL! I probably would have an emotional attachment to a baking tin I've never used part of my "aspirational me" nonsense is that I provide a nurturing home for my children that involves home-baked goodies, but for the life of me I can't bake, I can cook, but baking anything that needs to rise is beyond me, a friend once made a recipe for ginger cake alongside me, hers turned out wonderfully, mine didn't and she couldn't work out what I'd done differently. I do nurture the children, but still I keep those baking trays

but yes - I had to start with the easy-for-me stuff. It does get easier with practice. There are also other things I've dumped out wholesale without going through the box, because I knew I'd get waylaid with emotions if I started to delve and sort. But I need a particular frame of mind for that.

calicocat

MrsAtobe....i really don't know what if anything she would be receptive to, probably nothing at the moment as she is so 'stuck', and as you say not the best time of year. I will just listen for now and maybe suggest things again after all the xmas drama.

The cake tin cupboard is a good idea though, thanks. I found the 10 minute rule a massive help and the certain amount of items, however fear my friend would feel immense pressure that this it a bit like a list and freak at that.


Back to mine

I have ended up doing it all the other way. I have the kim and Aggie How Clean is Your House book. Some nice soul got it for me years ago, which I read and implemented nothing. However, I do remember it saying to work downwards through the house so as not to spread dust and dirt about.

So with that in mind I have had a quick go at pink room, nothing much sorted other than rubbish to throw out, no de-richarding of boots or 'stuff', but it is in tidier heaps, I can see 80% of the carpet, have hoovered that room and half the stairs.
Washing is on airer and now having a tea-break.

Next is rest of stairs ,hoover lounge,wash lounge and bathroom laminate, and finish with the kitchen.

Must put the bins out too or i'm going to be in real trouble for two weeks.

Whitewings post has reminded me I have tonnes of old xmas cards too in one of the coffee tables (as I always buy tables you can store stuff in). It would be good for me to clear this out too sometime in the New Year. That could take ages though as I would probably read them all, i'm sure I won't have any emotional issues throwing them out other than will keep the ones from my Dad who passed just over a year ago.

Lobbyluddy, this is exactly how my friend feels about getting someone in to help, which I understand, as she has to go through her things herself, if someone threw something out she wanted to keep she would go mad. She has every book ever bought for her kids (and probably toys somewhere).

Byatt

Fab post PLP , very insightful.

I have an emotional attachment to things I've only had five minutes, :rotfl:, well, 2-3 months...decided that the steamer I bought from FB, was never going to be used, as it had sat on the kitchen floor (no where to store) for about 3 months, but even so, I struggled...it's so exhausting and time consuming battling with yourself, it's no wonder it's so daunting for us. Looked at it every time I went in the kitchen, planned what I could do with it, Googled stuff about it (it was a particular American one), picked it up, put it down...but, I have somehow after all the angst, put it in the car for the CS, along with a few other items, extra cat dishes...I'm trying to have space for everything, and if there's no space, it must go.

I still look at those Whiskas treat containers shaped like a cats head and think, there must be something I can use this for.

I don't do lists as such, but I did count what was going out, because at first it looked as if I would never get clear, there was so much and it didn't look as though I was moving anything,, but realising I had put 30 items for the CS, was an eye opener. No matter how small it got counted.

My aim for 2014 is to do little and often, clean up after myself and not think oh carp, someone's at the door! :eek:

It's a year ago this Xmas, that I could open my home to people for the first time in over 2 years, I do lapse, but I have for the most part lost the urge to buy/forage/recycle shop stuff home, it's a very peaceful feeling not wanting to get something for that instant but fleeting feeling of security it gave me. I can look at things and think how nice, but that's it.

Well, if you ignore the 4 pumpkins that were offered for free on FB...:o...and found myself saying, oh yes please. :cool:

GreyQueen

I was thinking about an aunt and uncle of mine. They had a council house of the older, 1950s kind, with a "front room/ parlour" distinct from the larger living room, the one they actually used. She had all her girlhood books in the bookcase on one side of the fireplace in there, and all her children's books on the other side.

This was a large 3 bedroom house with the two reception rooms and gardens and outbuildings which they stayed on in for far too long, until their two long since grown and flown kids were married forty-somethings with children of their own.

When the eventually decided it would be time to downsize into a bungalow, it was two years before one came up just by the house. They lived over the road from Nan and wanted to stay very close, to support her. Sooo, most of the house had been full of unused rooms and redundant stuff for 25+ years before they decided to move, and it was another 2+ years before the move actually happened. Lots of time to downsize, wouldn't you have thought? Two able-bodied pensioners, with a car.

Bearing all this in mind, there is no way it should have been such a hellacious move (they went all of 50 meters down the road). Mum and Dad helped as I live away and have no transport. Item after item was dragged shivering into the light of day and discarded. A skip had to be hired. In the muddle some valued and much-used stuff, like good boots, was discarded. Auntie packed her kitchen up and then realised that she'd forgotten the contents of one whole crockery cupboard......that was obviously very important stuff - not.

My Mum is still spitting tacks about it, my parents are also pensioners and do stuff, but tire a lot more easily than they did 20 years ago, so they felt the ill-effects of helping with stuff which could have been done so much more easily with a bit of foresight and planning.

I compare and contrast this to my Nan (auntie is her daughter). Nan's 90 and has been shedding stuff steadily, often as the decision-maker with others doing the heavy lifting, due to her age and frailty, but she isn't going to leave it all to the family. It's a council bungalow so will have to be emptied quite promptly, there won't be long months of perusing stuff in situ.

Am smiling wryly at the talk about cake tins. I gave mine away because I'm pretty rubbish at cake baking, although I make good bread and am a good, plain general-purpose cook. I figured if I really really needed to make a cake, I could make an oblong one in the loaf tin.

But I saw one yesterday in the c.s. for 50p. It was one of those circular ones with a clip on the side and the base which drops out when you slacken the side by undoing the clip. I so nearly bought it, because it was a bargain and would make me feel domestic.

I walked away; 50p for something you won't use is no bargain.