Hoarding - Springing Ahead

Byatt

GQ, that's my intention, to clear stuff before I die (or become too infirm to do anything about it). What's left I wouldn't stress over (if I could!), if people just skipped my stuff, although my DD would take what she wanted of the goodish things, but she knows it doesn't matter if she doesn't want it. I've already given her the best stuff and family photos and such plus all her personal things, like baby clothes and school certs.

It is very liberating not putting so much emotional value into things, it's taken me long enough though, and I do know it stems from childhood when "things" were the only stable things in my life. Plus they didn't hurt you.

GreyQueen

Byatt, you're very wise. It's not just age as a factor, we can be many years away from shuffling off this mortal coil and already having issues with the physicality of decluttering. And we might have cars now, but not be able to afford them in our latter years.

In my job, I have the sad duty to talk to the recently-bereaved whose loved ones rented their homes from our council. As well as the grief, and all the practical stuff they have to deal with, such as funeral arrangements, they have to empty the house or flat to hand the keys back to us.

In some cases, this might be a small sheltered home where which the person might have downsized into only a few years prior. In other cases, it might be a large 4-bedroom property that they've lived in since they married in the 1950s.

If there is a lot of stuff, it makes everything so much harder at an already difficult and stressful time. I'd like to think that if anyone had to clear up after me, they wouldn't find too much complete carp.

whitewing

GQ,


Why do you need the empty basket that needed cleaning?


Some great posts today, folks.

calicocat

When my grandmother died I crammed into my small flat every bit of her furniture I could....and it was huge, dark,oak,lovely carved stuff) furniture that didn't suit a small modern flat one bit...I just refused to let it go anywhere else. I hung onto all this stuff for a few years, and gradually collected more, to the point that my lounge looked like a furniture shop, I even had drawers piled on top of another set of drawers to maximise space.

I can't remember what triggered it but it seemed like one day it had to go. I got blokes in to come in price and take away and gave away other bits...all within one day or I would never gone through with it. the whole lot went out and I was left with a sofa and tv (plus my 'stuff)..but all furniture out.

I had serious panic moments...but I didn't die. The free feeling was good. I have jewellery and other keepsakes of her, I didn't need all the furniture. I have odd wobbly moment where I still think I wish i'd kept a couple of pieces...but too late, it's gone, I haven't died without it, and it made me able to choose a whole new look for my room that I could never have done with that stuff with me...it wasn't until it was gone that I realised how limiting it was for me...and I was no longer embarrassed to let people in.


Naturally the whole collecting process started again, but has kept to a more manageable level, then being on here after I moved concentrated the mind to not having the same thing in this house. It's an ongoing battle, and possibly always will be, but i'm better at it, and have to do things with speed or I would fall down with it. Some need to do things slowly, for me I have to run at it head-on so that it's me in charge...not the 'other-me.' that daudles and ends up doing nothing.


Even writing about it makes me want to grab a particular piece of furniture back....lol.



Ok, stairs completed, downstairs hoovered and floors washed. Time for some lunch. They fanny about putting a few dishes about for the nuts and sweets for the next couple of days.


Good luck to those de-richarding today.

GreyQueen

whitewing wrote: »

GQ,


Why do you need the empty basket that needed cleaning?


Some great posts today, folks.

It's only intermittantly empty, I use it for holding various things. Took about 20 seconds to clean, so no biggie there.

I think the key factor isn't this shallow basket, which is just a little bigger than a tabloid newspaper folded in half, it's the newspapers. I never buy any, but I do get a few copies of the local rag given to me by a friend.

I like to speed-read them and have 2-4 around for those newspaper-related chores, but I need to discipline myself to dealing with them as they arrive and not allowing them to pile up. One newspaper was from 6th Dec, for goodness' sake.:rotfl:

I am presently scanning an important document (my Will ,of all things). The original is with the solicitor but I have a copy, and just decided to put a couple of copies in other places, inc with the parents', as they'd forgotten that my Will is with the same solicitor as theirs, back in the hometown.

I'm not an especially morbid person, just had this thing sitting on my desk for weeks, waiting for me to get a roundtuit.

Speaking of which, has anyone seen our Roundtuit lately? Perhaps she'll post to say "hi".

Does anyone think that this season of the year is especially tough on those of the hoarderish persuasion?

calicocat

I think this time of year is worse, it feels worse for me in that I have someone staying..!!!. This person is also quite judgemental so will voice an opinion on things..she can't stop herself...has zero insight as to anything other than her own world to be honest.

If it wasn't for this I wouldn't be flying around as much as I am to get things looking good, or better. Don't get me wrong it's nice to have it sorted and organised, but I wouldn't have bothered so much if just on my own.

It's the dreaded feeling of being judged for me, and the expectation of this has made me move my aris so this can't happen.

She will find something wrong...but I know that for me this place is pretty dam near spotless, so anything she says I won't care about.

Byatt

I find this time of year very emotional for all sorts of reasons, relating to well...all sorts of reasons. This year I am trying to take it a day at a time, so it doesn't overwhelm me but I am still dreadin NYE...that really sends me over the brink, so I plan to go to bed early with a good book and a hot chocolate & fall asleep before the dreaded midnight.

Calico, I was hours in the kitchen yesterday giving the kitchen a deep clean, as someone was dropping by today...(it's only tiny!), but then my hoover packed up today so couldn't hoover the carpet and then thought wth, it's good enough...if very lived in!

calicocat

BYATT.

I'm sorry to hear this time of year is particularly difficult for you, you are doing the right thing though taking it one day at a time, and I hope that in the end things turn out to be better than expected.

So many people feel pressure this time of year for so many different reasons.

I do actually love xmas, well the look of it anyway, and a good excuse to get more fairy lights and baubles. But the older I get, the more I see people unhappy and fed up,under pressure to do this and that, the more I find there is a side to xmas I do not like.

Keep doing the one day at a time, and as said, I hope things are better than you expect.

pigpen

I too hate new year. It was my nannas birthday new years day and while everyone was out partying I spent literally hours on the phone with her until the bells chimed midnight and I could be first to wish her happy birthday. I haven't been able to do that the last 9 years and when those bells toll it is like each one pounds my heart.. so I go to bed at 10pm so I am asleep by midnight.

I don't go out 'partying'.. I loathe people at the best of times and drunks disgust me so home is the best place.. but this place is just overwhelming at the moment I am trying to dig out 2 rooms.. 1 to put the girls toys so I can put presents in the front room and one so I can actually get to my kitchen without climbing over a mountain of stuff ... it is all pretty futile and I just want to scream and throw it all out.. but I'd just bring it all back in again, I need someone to take it away.

Pitlanepiglet

Thanks everyone. I read my post back and thought "this isn't quite what I wanted to say". I could just imagine your friend being scared witless by your achievements Calicocat!

I was pretty sure I knew why I hoarded before I started on the boxes a year ago but when I got into the detail of them my hoarding started exactly when Mum died. I kept every birthday card, Christmas card etc. for years until a point in my life where I felt more secure, I had no idea it had been that specific. I hadn't realised it was exactly that point that triggered the keeping of "stuff". I'm not sure it was even that I needed to validate the memories ie if I didn't have a valentine's card I hadn't been loved, it was more about proving that I had been here I think... I'm not sure I know why, but when I got into the boxes I could see exactly the time it started.......Add in some boxes from a traumatic divorce and I'd been carrying around a weight for over 20 years.

I hoard much less nowadays, I tend not to allow myself to collect "stuff", that way I don't have to deal with it and I think I have a much more normal approach to belongings.

Mum was a hoarder and my Nan who brought me up was a hoarder and when I cleared Nan's flat when she moved into a nursing home I swore that I would NEVER leave such a mess for anyone else to sort. Nan was born in the the 1908 and given the problems she faced hoarded all sorts of things like envelopes and elastic bands!

I think this would be a very difficult time to persuade others to dehoard, it really can only happen at a point when you feel able to deal with the emotions that sit behind the problem xx