Hoarding - Springing Ahead

Catriona_P

calicocat wrote: »

My initial response was going to be to say the same......"chuck it out if they don't clear up, my mum did, it never did me any harm"......then as driving to work I found myself thinking Mmmmm........has this contributed to me keeping all sorts of stuff I don't really need anymore. I'll never know I guess, but you may well have a good point.

It's not the same for everyone, and I might be a bit of an extreme case as every saturday my Dad would do a 'clear up' of my bedroom and throw things away (regardless of whether or not they were actually tidy). For years after I moved out I used to get a feeling of fear on Saturday mornings, thankfully that's gone now. Circumstances are different for everyone and I've made my peace with it now. But knowing that what I experienced growing up was not normal has helped me start to tackle my hoarding issues now. (When I'm feeling upset or insecure my hoarding starts get, which I now recognise and can fight against when I get the impulses).

Funnily enough, one of the major moments I remember with my hoarding as a child involved my Mum. I was gifted a huge Sindy doll house which was gorgeous and I loved it. I used to play with it a lot but inevitably it got full of toys and quite messy. So Mum told me she was going to get rid of it. So I cleaned it, tidied it up till it shone, showed her what I'd done in the hope that she'd let me keep it now. She said no and got rid of it anyway. It wasn't until many years later that I discovered that she wanted rid of it because it was too big and she didn't like it.

But I digress! I think you're getting a good balance penelopedee in that what belongs to the kids is theirs, but you expect a certain level of cleanliness.

I was pleased to see the charity bag I put out yesterday morning had actually gone by the time I got home! I just hope the right people picked it up.

short_bird

Catriona_P wrote: »

Not sure what practical advice I could ever offer on the messy teens as my little one is still only 2, but I'm very sensitive to stuff like this. Too many people I know are happy to dispose of their kids' possessions as they're 'just children' but would go spare if the same happened to them. There's a fine line I think.

My Mum got rid of all my Marvel comics when we were moving house. I was 6, went to school, came back and there they weren't:mad: 50 years later, still battling hoarding tendencies. (although the fight is easier than it used to be)

Catriona_P

short_bird wrote: »

My Mum got rid of all my Marvel comics when we were moving house. I was 6, went to school, came back and there they weren't:mad: 50 years later, still battling hoarding tendencies. (although the fight is easier than it used to be)

Aw that's sad Shortbird . Moving house was always a source of stress for me too - we moved a lot. I used to be terrified for months beforehand as I'd be told I could only have X amount of boxes for packing and the rest of my stuff would have to go in the bin.

Glad you're finding the hoarding fight a bit easier these days.

dktreesea

Nanamia wrote: »

Hi FlubM and Procrastinator great to "meet" you I'm a newbie to the thread and looking forward to being inspired by you all but taking baby steps One paper bin filled with things I've been "hanging" on to emptied on Tuesday morning. Two extra large bin bags taken to the tip, one large bag ready for the charity shop, one large sack of craft things ready to be donated to local psychiatric art therapy unit, one box for lovely neighbours children who love crafts and one box for me to keep. Can't even see that I've done anything in the bedroom:( but listing the outs like that I must have!

Aaah! A committed declutterer! Congratulations. It's a long time since I got that carried away Have faith. The feeling of space does come alive, once you can see new floor!

dktreesea

short_bird wrote: »

My Mum got rid of all my Marvel comics when we were moving house. I was 6, went to school, came back and there they weren't:mad: 50 years later, still battling hoarding tendencies. (although the fight is easier than it used to be)

Your Mum was a brave woman. I've got a family member with a collection of comics. Early beanos, that make me think a deserving mouse might discover them - and eat them! I wouldn't dare disturb their dust nest. Did try once - got told when I have my possessions down to the level of his. OHs can be irritating!

lobbyludd

it's funny how we work isn't it - my parents are uber organised and tidy and I apparently was as well until I was 3 and a 1/2.

My parents say they don't know what happened to me. I didn't either - until in my 20's we were looking through a photo album and a photo I had assumed was of me and mum visiting my grandma, my mother casually referred to as when we were living with my grandma.

Apparently my parents split up, we went to live with my grandma for months (200 miles away) my father had a breakdown, mum returned to look after him and they then got back together and we were all reunited. I was 3 and a half.

so -lots of upheaval and uncertainty and my familiar people, places and things scattered accross the country, and apparently never again talked about. made me really cross about all those "what happened to that lovely neat and tidy girl we used to have" lectures.

We moved a lot so i remember that scenario, and if my parents fought, and they sometimes would for months on end, they would CLEAN and throw things out to get the aggression out and because they were really organised and we were kids, we would cop it - my mum was hoovering my bedroom at 4 in the morning before my mock maths GCSE! plus my dad skipped my entire room when I was in my final year at university - he moved in with girfriend, and girlfriends daughter and family moved into our house so he wanted the room free - but he could have let me know in advance! (my brother rescued my soft toys and put them in the attic above the garage).

looking back - they were a little nutty I think my way of coping is better than theirs!

calicocat

It is funny how we work for sure, I have a friend who would benefit massively from this thread or something similar elsewhere as her house is really bad, but she isn't ready to deal with it and it's getting worse and worse by the week. She says she was fine until her husband started having affairs.

My parents were uber tidy too, and we moved loads as a kid due to my dad chasing better and better jobs. I don't remember this bothering me one bit, but in a similar discussion in the original thread about the how and why it came to light with me that it could have been our house being burgled a kid. I was convinced the burglar was still in the house and was paranoid for months over this. Utterly convinced he was still around in the loft or cupboards and would arrange hide and guard my possessions and manic about security. My main concern was my pets and I would chain and padlock all my guinea-pig hutches at night or when out, not even my parents could get to them.......looking back I just can't fathom what on earth made me think a burglar would want with guineas....??!!....i guess that was my prised things so I figured they would be to him too.

It is said that the hoarding comes with some kind of 'trauma' be it large or small, but I think I had minor tenancies before the burglary due to collecting any jewellery I could get my grubby little hands on, and can't remember any reason why other than just liking to have 'stuff' that I loved looking at. I was very impressed with shops when young, I used to wander off all the time in the clothes and jewellery departments pretending to work there) and think I wanted my room to be one, full of lovely things to see and show people.

Catriona-p......I would have been annoyed and upset at the dolls house too. that was a bit poo. I remember my dad throwing something of my brothers out, and him putting my dads tool kit in the bin in return.....quite funny now I think about it....karma and all that.

Well, on a lighter note, couldn't sleep after night shift, so have been sorting through a load of stuff I googled and printed out at work last night about mortgages and how to get them down as quick as possible....MsE stuff as it happens. so am going to go to the bank at some point soon to work out any penalties etc if I over pay a bit when I can. Also have done a bit more sorting of the pink room (well moving stuff around if i'm honest....you know....so it looks like you've made progress when in fact you have created more room to fill up with other stuff in a dumping room).

I need to clean the oven!!....i've only been here a few weeks and have only used it maybe 4 times as use hob and slow cooker more!??....lol. I got one of those oven linings so this would make the whole task a breeze, but it won't stay put with a fan oven as the fan just blows it around. So that idea isn't going to work.

I've got a few friends coming on the 7th for a small house warming, so next week will have to be full steam ahead getting organised and clean. I have a week so I should manage it if I get off the sofa.....and don't spend too much time mooching in shops when out to get things I need for it. two more shifts at work, sleep day, out for lunch the next.........then move like a manic Bee to get it all done....well that's the plan.

parsniphead

I made a start on the cobwebby shed yesterday and through out a completely rusted tool box and hosepipe reel/holder thingy. They are both sitting outside waiting for the tat man. I do love throwing stuff out for the tat man, it's very satisfying. Not much decluttering today as its DH birthday so spending it with him rather than wandering off.

Back to it tomorrow.

whitewing

Sorry about your friend calicocat. I know what I'd start with chucking out if I were her but it is never the same in reality as it is in theory.

I have just made myself recycle a bra. I broke the underwiring as I put it on this morning - it's dangerous being female - and nearly killed myself when I bent over the desk this afternoon.

calicocat

whitewing wrote: »

Sorry about your friend calicocat. I know what I'd start with chucking out if I were her but it is never the same in reality as it is in theory.

I have just made myself recycle a bra. I broke the underwiring as I put it on this morning - it's dangerous being female - and nearly killed myself when I bent over the desk this afternoon.

I have been wanting her to recycle him since i've known her, but bless her she just can't break the cycle and is very dependent for some reason.

Lol.........recycled a bra....i thought I was going to read that you had turned it into something else!........hehe.

I used to keep the underwires of old ones that weren't broken to put in new ones if they broke, I have stopped this ridiculous practice now as it was never really very effective.