Real-life MMD: Hen do, or hen don't?

stmartinsdiver

I have to confess that I really find the relatively recent trend of people arranging extravagant night/stag night without considering whether friends can really afford to go as incredibly self centred. It looks to me like many attendees who can't afford it only go because they feel obliged to do so. To be asked to help fund another attendees costs is just downright rude, thoughtless and you should certainly not pretend if you'd been asked earlier you would have been ok with this - just tell the truth, that you can't really afford to pay for yourself but have stretched yourself to the limit so you can attend. End of discussion.

Bekkiford

I don't think you should pay for anyone else. If the hen has picked an expensive hen do, she should be prepared to pay. I would say yes to paying for entrance to a club and minibus drinks on a night out but not a trip away. Say no, they are being unreasonable.

Bekkiford

Just to put this in prespective, my sister had a weekend in Benidorm in 2005. My son was about 3months old. So I was on maternity leave/maternity pay (you only got 3 months full pay then). So I did go due to cost and not wanting to leave my new baby who was breastfed at the time.

tallgirld

I wouldn't pay a penny more and would ask "Why are you asking me to contribute more money? No I can not afford it, No I will not be able to, No I do not want to!!"

Taking the mick!!!!

funkybubbles

I speak as a bride's mother, and I have been invited to the Hen week, a sun chasing holiday, but I wouldn't dream of expecting anyone to pay for me, let alone my daughter's friends!

It's my choice to go, and I feel flattered that I was invited, but if I couldn't afford it, I wouldn't go, simple as that.

Stick to your guns and appologetically say you really can't afford it!

KDH001

As everybody else has said, it has to be a most definite "No Way".
In addition, I would now be asking for a copy of the invoice showing full costs for this excursion to make sure you are not paying for either the bride or her sister already. They can both pay their own way or have a more realistic hen do like anybody else.

ih8stress

I would put a big smile on my face and say I would be happy to pay - as long as I can bring my Mum too and THEY pay for her!

But seriously, NO -do not pay. You are already over-stretched by the sound of it.
If it wasn't your best friend getting married, I would also be advising not going altogether and using the money for yourself.

Can you not talk to your best friend about this - why is the sister doing the begging?

cuba2008

Good grief - what next? Being expected to stump up for the bride's dress? Seriously though - how incredibly rude to even suggest that the bride's friends should fund the bride's mother attending the hen weekend. If she can't afford to pay for herself then either her daughters should be paying. If her own daughters can't or won't pay for her then maybe they shouldn't have arranged such an expensive weekend away, rather than a night out that everyone could have afforded. I'm with others on this though - makes you wonder whether the other guests are already unwittingly stumping up for either the bride, her sister or both. Either way, I think I'd be asking to see the total invoice as this all sounds a bit dodgy.

2dachs

I am shocked at this as to the bride and her sister have such a cheek.

I have been married twice, first time was at registry office and i did not have bridesmaids the second time i had all of the works and when i had my hen night myself and my friends and bridesmaids went out for drinks and they did not pay at all, it was my night so i paid for the drinks.

If the bride and her sister want their mum to go, then they should stump up to pay for her themselves and not expect everyone else to pay the bill.

Personally i'd be that shocked that i'd probably drop out altogether it was going to cost too much.

I remember my first marriage my husband's cousin was getting married and in the invitition put a list of items they wanted as presents and the cheapest item on the list was a washing machine costing £400. When you add that to a night away in a hotel and outfits etc.. that was also around 15 years ago.

Needless to say we declined to go to the wedding and we just sent a wedding card with some cash inside.

garfield413

On any hen (or stag) do, it should be everyone paying for themselves and being related to a hen or stag certainly shouldn't mean you should try and blag anything from other party goers. Especially in today's economic climate when we are all feeling the pinch.

These evenings out have turned into weekends away or even a week away in some cases.

The friends of the hen or stag should supply the small extras such as hat, t-shirt, banner, sash, etc, but shouldn't be expected to fund everything else.

Remember they'll also be expected to pay for their wedding present to the couple, get an outfit for the wedding, arrange taxis to get home, buy their own drinks, etc, etc, etc.:eek: