Real-life MMD: Hen do, or hen don't?

TBagpuss

I agree with al the PPs - it's unreasonable for the bride's sister to expect you to pay for her/bride's mother, and very rude to spring it ion you at this late stage.

I think that a politely worded 'reply all' e-mail is the way to go.

I don't find it odd to invite the mother - hen parties vary a lot, as do people's relationships with their mothers, so that part is fine. But expecting you to pay? Completely out of order.

freddy27

Noway should you pay for Mum to be there. If she wants to be there, and WHY should she???? Then IF you allow it, then she pays for herself.

sazpot

Paying for the mother is a no from my point of view.

I arranged a hen do last year for my friend which had to involve staying away as there were 12 of us all from different parts of the Country (Birmingham, Essex, Wiltshire etc.) A meal and a night out in town would have been enough or the bide but 90% of those attending would need a hotel wherever we went. We had 2 nights in Brighton staying in a lovely house, pottery painting, a ghost walk, some party games and all food and drink for £165 pp.

When it came to paying we all paid for the bride who knew nothing about what was booked, even which town she was going to for the weekend. I am surprised how many people disagree with paying for the bride, £15 each to keep everything a surprise and to treat her wasn't much. I don't think a bride picking for herself should expect to be paid for but if the bridesmaids are organising I was under the Impression it was the norm.

The brides mother came for the whole weekend but went back to the house after the ghost walk while we went drinking on the Saturday night. She paid for her share of the weekend in full, it was never considered otherwise. At one point the groom was going to contribute so we could get a larger house for her to have a room of her own (unbeknown to the mother or the bride) but she shared with her sons girlfriend instead.

As the organisers we certainly did not pay any less than anyone else, we paid more as there were many little extras we provided from our own pockets.

We made it very clear to everyone how much each activity/meal/nights accommodation cost (suppling a spreadsheet) and you only paid for the brides share of the events you were participating in. Everyone was free to opt out of any of the activities to save some money!

Brides Mum and sister should be paying for themselves and it should be black and white what you are paying for from day 1.

Goindoolally

I think them asking this is just ridiculous and very cheeky and I would certainly say no. I'm shocked that anyone would even suggest such a thing!

Tallulah47

Hello Ladies. Am new to this forum and seem to have hit on a topic where everyone feels the same! So do I! Pay for the bride by all means. But for her sister? And now her mother? I don't think so! I bet the mother doesn't even knew others have been asked to pay for her, and will be appalled to find out! If the bride thinks her mum should be treated, then let her do the treating!

babushkava

I reckon the mother does not want to attend this hen do (as I wouldn't, either, in her position). She has demurred, not wanting to upset her daughters by turning the invitation down flat, so saying something like, "it's a lot of money..." Unfortunately, the daughters have not taken the hint, so are trying to rustle up the cash.
So, help the mother not to attend this event (she would perhaps prefer a dinner out after the wedding with the bride, groom, her family and in-laws' family) to cement the new ties.
OP, you could just say, 'no, can't do it, I'm afraid'.

happyinflorida

If this is your best friend then you know her mum and probably her sister and you're not giving very much info here.

Why is the sister asking everyone to pay for the mum? Is the mum that broke? Would the mum make your best friend happier if she was there?

More info needed.

Cazza1234

No you shouldn't pay, but if it's that much of an issue then perhaps you could say that your additional contribution is their wedding present?!

NatFeerick

First time I've seen a dilemma posted where the responses are almost unanimous! Here only one person has vaguely hinted that it might be acceptable to ask the hens to pay - I personally disagree and am with the majority here.

This isn't even about the Mum going. If you organise an event and tell everyone its going to cost 'X', you can't go back to them at the 11th hour and tell them the cost has increased to 'Y', its not right. For that reason alone you would be justified in saying 'In that case I could no longer afford to go, sorry'.

Scrimpnsave

I'm with everyone on here - the mother should pay for herself.
The one thing I am shocked at is how many mother's aren't invited
To hen dos! My mother came to both mine and my sisters and all my friends mothers have been to theirs!!