The Sex was amazing??

VestanPance

lostinrates wrote: »

Your stance is fine, it's your choice and I for one fully favour people having freedom of choice in how they conduct themselves so long as it hurts no one else.). But it might be your stance that has contributed to a situation that has obliquely lead you to lose trust in prove or relationships.

No, my trust in people is due to my ex having an affair with one of her workmates. It's clear my judgement of people is not what it should be, so I can't trust anyone and I'm better off alone.

lostinrates

VestanPance wrote: »

I'm not saying there's a time frame of questions, just that if any arise then that they are answered honestly. My original comments in this thread where made on the basis of at least one contributor stating that there were aspects of their lives they wouldn't let their significant others to know about.

A partner could ask me what they want at any time about my past. I've nothing to hide and if there was something about my past or present day actions that bothered them I'd be happy to talk through it with them.

Well then we are pretty much on the same page. I have never, ever lied, nor withheld information. The way your were phrasing it I sort of thought your were implying a full list of anything I had done, with whom and to what measurements needed to be put on the table on a first date! I do think, however, people would generally do better to be a bit more open and upfront early in relationships to discuss things like aspirations, and to be honest about sexual likes and dislikes. I have never felt uncomfortable with dh saying...'I don't think that's for me' nor....'you know, I think I might like this' and find it 'amazing' when he does the same, even if we try something only to discount it for the immediate future!

jetplane

Person_one wrote: »

I strongly suspect that everybody who's had sex more than once has had unamazing sex! Probably far far more often than the amazing kind too. :rotfl:

Phew yes can you imagine how exhausting it would be having amazing sex all of the time?

lostinrates

jetplane wrote: »

Phew yes can you imagine how exhausting it would be having amazing sex all of the time?

Hmm,. I personally find amazing sex pretty invigorating. But, again, that's from the perspective of someone who only gets weekends with their partner. I honestly cannot remember how I felt about that when we were living together full time. .

VestanPance

lostinrates wrote: »

Well then we are pretty much on the same page. I have never, ever lied, nor withheld information. The way your were phrasing it I sort of thought your were implying a full list of anything I had done, with whom and to what measurements needed to be put on the table on a first date! I do think, however, people would generally do better to be a bit more open and upfront early in relationships to discuss things like aspirations, and to be honest about sexual likes and dislikes. I have never felt uncomfortable with dh saying...'I don't think that's for me' nor....'you know, I think I might like this' and find it 'amazing' when he does the same, even if we try something only to discount it for the immediate future!

I think that's fair enough. No matter how compatible people are there still will be differences. I just like to think people are open enough to discuss these things, rather than bury them.

Plus I have no idea what would happen on a first date these days. The last one of those was a very, very long time ago for me.

Person_one

jetplane wrote: »

Phew yes can you imagine how exhausting it would be having amazing sex all of the time?

If it was amazing every time the housework would definitely get neglected...

jetplane

Person_one wrote: »

If it was amazing every time the housework would definitely get neglected...

or we would be in a state of euphoria so that the neighbours would think we had a drink problem

bitemebankers

Person_one wrote: »

Sometimes, no matter how much you love each other, one partner's most erotic sexual fantasy is a complete turn off for the other. It doesn't mean you're failing at your relationship to accept that there are some things you can't do within that relationship because it isn't a pleasant experience for the other person.

That's not what I meant. In order to discover one partner's fantasy is a turn off for the other, they first have to open with one another about what those fantasies are. If, after sharing, you discover you want something your partner doesn't, you need to decide whether it means so much to you that you're going to look elsewhere, or whether it's something you can live without.

I'm definitely NOT saying that your life can only be complete when you get to indulge in every one of your fantasies. I personally don't think that's realistic.

No, I don't feel I'm missing out on anything by dismissing casual encounters. I know this is not considered normal amongst us men folk but they never have interested me in the slightest. I need to feel an intellectual and emotional pull to someone to gather sexual interest in them.

I wasn't thinking of casual encounters, Vestan, but I respect your position. I lost interest in casual sex back in my university days. You're by no means alone amongst men.

Person_one

bitemebankers wrote: »

That's not what I meant. In order to discover one partner's fantasy is a turn off for the other, they first have to open with one another about what those fantasies are. If, after sharing, you discover you want something your partner doesn't, you need to decide whether it means so much to you that you're going to look elsewhere, or whether it's something you can live without.

You can't categorically say that you have to be able to do that or your relationship isn't working though.

For example, in relationships where on or both partners has been a victim of abuse, or where either partner has particular disabilities, physical or mental health issues, sometimes it really is better and more loving to keep your fantasies to yourself and adjust around what makes you both happy and fulfilled.

ostrichnomore_2

Well all I can say is I thoroughly recommend having a FWB.

Best of both worlds, companionship and affection plus AMAAAZING sex (if you find the right one) with none of the agg. that goes with being in a relationship or having casual sex.

I used to have one donkeys years ago, it was great, never saw him when I had a boyfriend as when I'm with someone, I'm with them 100%, but it was fab for when I was single.

And he's been back on form cheering me up no end for the past few months after horrible break up last year.

And he cooks :-)

A lot of people on this thread seem to think single people shouldn't have sex. Or if they do, they shouldn't enjoy it properly. Can't get my head round that one. We are all different and have different needs and attitudes. If it doesn't match yours it doesn't make it wrong, immoral, sad, or totally bewildering to understand surely? I think we all agree amazing sex with someone you love is the best. But many people can also have amazing sex with someone they don't love. True fact. Whether you approve of it or not.