The Sex was amazing??

VestanPance

marisco wrote: »

Do you expect all other people that come into your life to not be trustworthy and to treat you badly? Or is it that you cannot bring yourself to trust them and think your own anxieties would push them away?

In general I keep myself to myself outside an old and close group of friends. Anyone new to my life through what ever means I tend to treat as an acquaintance and not get past basic pleasantries.

In terms of relationships that would only happen through me actively looking for one. I work in a male dominated industry and my friends are all male. It's not so much I think I'd push someone away, more that wouldn't trust them at all to let them in in the first place. I'm honest enough to know that I'm not the person I was and that I'd make my and their lives miserable as I have serious trust issues now.

squirrelchops

My best friend and I were just talking about this topic the other night. The best sex I have had isn't with my current partner - who I love totally. Yes it is nice and I enjoy it but I have had truly amazing sex with a couple of other men.

They type of sex that I couldn't get enough of and even now thinking about it makes me smile. I remember feeling so sexy and feminine and getting turned on like I had never had done before. The type of sex that feels amazing, like every nerve ending is on fire.

Have I felt that with my OH - no. Do I feel sad by that - no. I also know I am not the best he's ever had!!!!!

However sex to me is easier than a deeply committed relationship- Being cuddled and in love with someone who I trust 100% matters more than sex. I could leave OH and get sex tomorrow. Could I find the type of love I have with my OH - i might be lucky to find it again but i doubt it.

squirrelchops

Marshflower wrote: »

Interesting. Is it the norm to feel inhibited by ones partner? I honestly don't think I could have married my husband if I didn't feel completely sexually free with him.

I am more self conscious with my OH as I have to look him in the eye in the morning if I tried something outrageous!!

lostinrates

squirrelchops wrote: »

I am more self conscious with my OH as I have to look him in the eye in the morning if I tried something outrageous!!

Still, you can also giggle about it afterwards, and work out over a period of time what of the 'outrageous' experiences you liked and what didn't work and get a better success rate over time.

kittendothroar

I always felt embarrassed with previous partner talking about sex...he was not comfortable either about discussing it, however me and the new one pretty much did everything the first weekend together so got any embarrassment/ curiosity out of the way.

And yes there was giggling after, which I think just made us closer! We tend to rate it now, which just makes us giggle more. Any embarrassment has long gone, and I feel far more comfortable discussing my needs now, and in turn...well am a hell of a lot more satisfied!

I also believe you don't have to be in love or a committed relationship to have amazing sex. And if you don't know what it means, it means you have not experienced it, yet!

abailey54

squirrelchops wrote: »

I am more self conscious with my OH as I have to look him in the eye in the morning if I tried something outrageous!!

:rotfl:That made me chuckle

Amazing sex is sex that amazes you :eek:

In the casual sex/relationship sex argument I'm definitely in favour of relationship sex. Pretty much all of my casual sex experiences were disappointing at best, except for one - that really was amazing! I find I have more confidence to enjoy myself in relationships too, and sometimes I amaze myself

The problem with amazing sex, is that once you've been amazed, you quickly adapt, it could be exhausting to constantly seek amazement. There's a lot to be said for lazy sex! :rotfl:

olias

abailey54 wrote: »

Amazing sex is sex that amazes you :eek:

Now that made me laugh! Had visions of my OH, naked, tapdancing on a tightrope whilst juggling and reciting the alphabet backwards......

Honey, you were AMAZING last night......lmao!:rotfl:

Olias

Lunar_Eclipse

VestanPance wrote: »

Possibly not, but I have no trust in anyone any more and I refuse to be some jealous trust issue relationship wreck type. I was a fairly quiet private type to the majority of people to start with and I'm far more closed off to people now.

I can't see me ever having the trust required with anyone to get involved in a relationship with them.

Wow, she really hurt you. I have no idea whether you'll ever get over it/her, but I can guarantee that you will be a lot happier if you don't let her destroy you forever.

Unless you have absolutely zero self-esteem and only have complete morons with no morals as friends, you know most people are good and trustworthy. Therefore you owe it to yourself to let it go and move forwards. You sound completely depressed, but hopefully I'm wrong.

duchy

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

Wow, she really hurt you. I have no idea whether you'll ever get over it/her, but I can guarantee that you will be a lot happier if you don't let her destroy you forever.

Unless you have absolutely zero self-esteem and only have complete morons with no morals as friends, you know most people are good and trustworthy. Therefore you owe it to yourself to let it go and move forwards. You sound completely depressed, but hopefully I'm wrong.

Actually I kind of understand this -I spent years with no interest in a relationship at all after my marriage ended and then shortly afterwards I ended up seeing a compulsive liar. Even after I'd licked my wounds I genuinely couldn't be bothered. There was lots of other stuff to focus on -I wasn't lonely - A guy could be so interested everyone else noticed but I was oblivious as I simply wasn't looking or interested. Fast forward and I'm now in a relationship with a man who I've known for years, who allowed things to develop really slowly -and we're both very happy and talking about the future. Never is a long time but there's absolutely nothing wrong with not even wanting a relationship until it's the right person AND the right time. Forcing yourself to move forward when your heart isn't really in it or because other people think you should is the worst thing for a battered and bruised heart. (Oh and I'm definitely older than VestanPance's forty ).

Some people can seperate emotional intimacy from physical intimacy some can't/don't. Neither is wrong.

VestanPance

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

Wow, she really hurt you. I have no idea whether you'll ever get over it/her, but I can guarantee that you will be a lot happier if you don't let her destroy you forever.

Unless you have absolutely zero self-esteem and only have complete morons with no morals as friends, you know most people are good and trustworthy. Therefore you owe it to yourself to let it go and move forwards. You sound completely depressed, but hopefully I'm wrong.

I certainly don't have self-esteem issues. If anything many people view me a extremely confident and sometimes as aloof/arrogant, both of which I'd agree with to some extent.

I've moved on, just not in the way many would. My small group of friends do have morals. People who I have been friends with in the past and found lacking in them I have removed from my life. To be completely honest I do think the majority of people are untrustworthy. Most people do the friendly act in public, but their actions show their true self and often contradicts the "nice" personality they are trying to sell.