The Sex was amazing??

VestanPance

notanewuser wrote: »

Has your viewpoint changed through those experiences?

Have you managed to find anyone who shares your view?

No my viewpoint hasn't changed. I believe is complete honestly between partners and couldn't contemplate the thought of a relationship without that.

I've not been looking to get viewpoints, as I say I'm not a "people person" or more to the point I'm a pretty anti-social sod by nature.

notanewuser

VestanPance wrote: »

No my viewpoint hasn't changed. I believe is complete honestly between partners and couldn't contemplate the thought of a relationship without that.

I've not been looking to get viewpoints, as I say I'm not a "people person" or more to the point I'm a pretty anti-social sod by nature.

I meant in your relationships.

I don't believe honesty is always the best policy, I'm afraid.

SuzieSue

Person_one wrote: »

My take on it is that you haven't had any amazing sex yet.

You'll know it when you find it.

No, perhaps the OP has always had amazing sex and considers it to be the norm.

Unless you have had unamazing sex then you wouldn't know what amazing sex was.

VestanPance

notanewuser wrote: »

I meant in your relationships.

I don't believe honesty is always the best policy, I'm afraid.

I've had no relationships since my divorce.

I've been completely open and honest in the few relationships I've had. If I was dating and thought someone wasn't being that with me they'd be dumped right there and then, as I see no value in partnering with someone who wants to hide what they really are from me.

Honestly is the only policy. My thinking is if you are afraid to be honest you have things you want to hide.

bitemebankers

notanewuser wrote: »

How patronising!

Why so defensive? You wondered why it would sadden me - I explained. Why ask if you're going to get tetchy?

I have a very loving relationship with my husband. I don't need to know everything about his life before me, nor he mine. It's almost like they were previous lives, if that makes sense? No ghosts, no baggage. It's only our world that matters.

I'm not talking about the past - I'm talking about who you are now and your concerns about sharing that with your SO.

If you don't like it, I don't care!

Good - that's a healthy attitude. In any case, I don't like or dislike it - it's not my relationship. However, it does sadden me when I hear about people whose relationships lack real openness between those involved.

I don't believe honesty is always the best policy, I'm afraid.

Why ever not? I don't understand why you'd think that.

lostinrates

bitemebankers wrote: »

Sure, but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about being truly open and honest with your partner - about both of you feeling able to do this. This isn't about putting yourself first, it's about being open, and that's at the heart of any good relationship, for me anyway.

I agree, I think we might be talking at slightly cross purposes here.


But I do think it can make at times, sex with a partner that has potential to be great not great at times. For some (including friends who I talk to) this seems to become a rut. For many, they look back at the ....freedom and gratification that casual sex gave them as the antithesis of this 'content' sex life.

notanewuser

VestanPance wrote: »

I've had no relationships since my divorce.

I've been completely open and honest in the few relationships I've had. If I was dating and thought someone wasn't being that with me they'd be dumped right there and then, as I see no value in partnering with someone who wants to hide what they really are from me.

Honestly is the only policy. My thinking is if you are afraid to be honest you have things you want to hide.

Whereas I view it that people are a result of their experiences. I trust DH implicitly. He doesn't need to know that previous partners cheated on me, or that I once had a fling with a married man. I'm not going to do that again, and I know he wouldn't cheat.

Sharing that isn't going to improve our relationship. I'm not throwing those shadows onto him.

lostinrates

VestanPance wrote: »

I completely disagree with this sort of thinking. In any relationship complete and total honesty is required.

You can't hide who you are or what your experiences in life have been from someone who is supposed to be a life partner. Of course there will always be some things that will not please the other partner, but these things are there to be discussed and accepted not hidden.

EDIT: I consider myself a very closed off and cold person to most people. I'm very much not a "people person", but I can't understand hiding things from someone you plan to share a long term relationship with.

I think you are perhaps reading something into my post that I did not intend. I agree with honesty about things, but I also think in long term relationships there are times where what position you want to hang from a chandelier from is not the most important thing and best brought up on another occasion, that's not hiding things, it's timing them.

bitemebankers

lostinrates wrote: »

For some (including friends who I talk to) this seems to become a rut. For many, they look back at the ....freedom and gratification that casual sex gave them as the antithesis of this 'content' sex life.

Ahh, I see what you mean. And yes, there's certainly the possibility of sex becoming a bit routine and stale with a long term partner, in a way that it never does with more casual relationships. My own experience suggests that this is something that you consciously have to work at - just like many other aspects of a long term relationship - and being really open about what you want is an important element of that.

olias

peachyprice wrote: »

Cheers, juice all over my keyboard now.

Was it THAT exciting!!!!:p

Olias