help with 14 yr old daughter

AAAAA

Cherry_Bomb wrote: »

Ah apologies!

Apologie accepted.:dance::dance::dance::dance:

moomoomama27

This was the position I found myself in with my daughter! She was almost 15 though, but told me that she had had sex with her boyfriend of 4 months, and they hadn't used anything! I was more devestated about the lack of contraception, as we have always been so open about sex, and told her she can come and talk to us.

I got her to the GP, for M/A pill just incase, we discussed with the GP a suitable form of contraception, which for her was impanon (implant) and she was given condoms.

I don;t want my now 15 yr old daughter to be sexually active, I don't feel she's ready, but burying your head in the sand won't work!

You need to keep the channels of communication open, sort out suitable contraception, because no matter what she says, it will happen again. And don't punish her, because you will lose her trust.

System

Just want to add one more thing.

Your daughter has had sex once. If you think it wont happen again your just fooling yourself because sex is enjoyable. Theres no way she will go back to not having it again so please get the contraception issue sorted out as it will be only time before she does get pregnant.

**professor~yaffle**

moomoomama27 wrote: »

I don;t want my now 15 yr old daughter to be sexually active, I don't feel she's ready, but burying your head in the sand won't work!

It's a very different world these days. Society has changed. Worryingly, kids are getting the message from pretty much everywhere (tv, peer pressure, internet and so on) that they should be having sex. I personally think that giving out contraception to underage kids is giving out very mixed messages, but what choice do the parents have? It's better than having the girl come home pregnant. Our culture really needs to re-think its priorities. In the States you get parents who actually home-school their kids because they don't want them exposed to or emulating the 'morals' typical of high-school teenagers.

securityguy

**professor~yaffle** wrote: »

In the States you get parents who actually home-school their kids because they don't want them exposed to or emulating the 'morals' typical of high-school teenagers.

The United States ranks first among developed nations in rates of both teenage pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. In an effort to reduce these rates, the U.S. government has funded abstinence-only sex education programs for more than a decade. However, a public controversy remains over whether this investment has been successful and whether these programs should be continued. Using the most recent national data (2005) from all U.S. states with information on sex education laws or policies (N = 48), we show that increasing emphasis on abstinence education is positively correlated with teenage pregnancy and birth rates. This trend remains significant after accounting for socioeconomic status, teen educational attainment, ethnic composition of the teen population, and availability of Medicaid waivers for family planning services in each state. These data show clearly that abstinence-only education as a state policy is ineffective in preventing teenage pregnancy and may actually be contributing to the high teenage pregnancy rates in the U.S. In alignment with the new evidence-based Teen Pregnancy Prevention Initiative and the Precaution Adoption Process Model advocated by the National Institutes of Health, we propose the integration of comprehensive sex and STD education into the biology curriculum in middle and high school science classes and a parallel social studies curriculum that addresses risk-aversion behaviors and planning for the future.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22022362

**professor~yaffle**

presumably if they're being home-schooled they're not getting either the abstinence based or the biology-based sex education, they're being educated in these matters by their parents?

Person_one

**professor~yaffle** wrote: »

It's a very different world these days. Society has changed. Worryingly, kids are getting the message from pretty much everywhere (tv, peer pressure, internet and so on) that they should be having sex. I personally think that giving out contraception to underage kids is giving out very mixed messages, but what choice do the parents have? It's better than having the girl come home pregnant. Our culture really needs to re-think its priorities. In the States you get parents who actually home-school their kids because they don't want them exposed to or emulating the 'morals' typical of high-school teenagers.

It is possible for 15 year olds to actually be ready.

There's no magical transformation on the day they turn 16, everybody matures and develops at a different rate.

Its no terrible tragedy for a sensible 15 year old to have safe sex with their partner. It doesn't mean they aren't the person they were before they did it, there's no reason why their personality, their future, their ambitions and their relationship with their parents should suddenly change.

**professor~yaffle**

true, someone might be ready at 15. Others might not be ready till their late teens, or later still. But kids who don't want it might feel pressured into it by all the messages they're receiving from around them. It's the social pressure on the kids that I find worrying and a lot of the posters have said they don't feel their daughter is ready to have sex. If they are right, then presumably the daughter is having sex because she feels she should be or because he wants her to, or for other negative reasons..

securityguy

**professor~yaffle** wrote: »

presumably if they're being home-schooled they're not getting either the abstinence based or the biology-based sex education, they're being educated in these matters by their parents?

One of the main drivers for home-schooling in the US is religious conviction. The more religious the area, the higher the teen pregnancy rate (http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/databriefs/db89.htm#for). The only three states where the rate of teen pregnancy is not falling are conservative states in which, for example, ant-abortion sentiment is at its highest (Montana, North Dakota, and West Virginia, op. cit.). Whenever I've looked I've not found studies that will tie the two together directly, and such a study would have a lot of selection bias problems.

securityguy

**professor~yaffle** wrote: »

a lot of the posters have said they don't feel their daughter is ready to have sex. If they are right, then presumably the daughter is having sex because she feels she should be or because he wants her to, or for other negative reasons..

Or that the children think they are ready even though the parents don't. Or that the parents are wrong. Or any number of other benign hypotheses.