I resent my sister and feel so guilty

flossyblog

I think you are very brave for coming on here and writing about it, much better to let it out than fester.

Are you able to speak to your parents about how you feel?

suki1001

Dunroamin wrote: »

It's really rather sad that you still remember and resent such small things and actually rather scary that you're going to have a child of your own.

But the point is that her parents dismissed small things in order to bend over backwards for her sister, when it was unnessesary - which is actually quite a big thing. That only comes across as favouritism rather than actually dealing with the needs of a child with learning difficulties.

And it's probably one of many things that make up a whole host of situations where the op's sister got what she wants. If it was in the sister's interests to keep the routine, then that should have been explained to the op. But it doesn't sound like it was the case. In fact I'm sure the op would be well aware if these things were done for other reasons.

All these comments on the op becoming a bad mother I think are dreadful and incredibly judgemental, of course she isn't going to be a bad parent.

lesmis

Just read the posts and can understand your emotions but who is the hate hurting - your sister or yourself??? All that bitterness inside when you should be enjoying all the good things in your life. Lovely baby on it's way:j You'll be the lovely Mum, your sister will only be an Aunty.

Your sister might not get your opportunities because of her disabilities and your parents might always have to be her parents/carers. They are probably happy and relieved they have one daughter they don't have to worry about so much and are presuming their other daughter will always have to be at home with them.

Ask your Mum to go out with you on your own to help you shop for baby things or go to your doctor appointments so you can get that time on your own together.

Molly41

Jo Jo - it is not just about sausages and Ribena though. I was forced to eat food i hated as a child and as an adolescent went on to develop a serious eating disorder that regularly rears it's ugly head. If I had been given choice and not had food rammed down my throat there is every chance I would not have developed said disorder.

bodmil

You say your sister has only mild difficulties but finished a college course 7 years behind her peers. If I were 7 years behind my peers I would been struggling through uni again while they were settled down with their own homes, like I am now, that's a big difference. I wouldn't have anything in common with them and would have no support other than from family.
You may not understand the complexities of her disability but surely you can appreciate the outcome and it's impact on her life. Do you think she prefers to live at home if she could be living independantly?

Talk to your parents, they are the ones that have acted wrongly in your opinion. You may not have understood their behaviour when you were younger but you have the benefit of age and can begin to understand their views as parents. You are holding on to so much negativity that you will give off whether you mean to or not, and in time I'm sure your baby will pick up on your hatred too.

suki1001

OP - just as an aside, I developed an irrational annoyance of things when i was pregnant with my second. Funny things that wouldn't normally got my goat.

The most bizarre one was I developed a sincere dislike for the evening pottery classes I attended. I had no idea why, but I had to stop going.

It's not just personal space being invaded when someone touches you tummy without asking, there's something hormonal at play too. It's like a protection thing that kicks in.

I'm maybe guessing that there is part of you that's pregnant that makes you want to be treated with a little more fuss, but the hormonal element definately exacerbates this, so ordinarily these issues with your parents and sister are copable with. But this is a guess.

I later discovered my bizarre feelings were actually down to the fact that my thyroid levels were too low - I actually thought I was going mad!

I'm not saying this is the cause, but while the critics on here have construed this to you being a selfish so and so (and I'd say this isn't the case anyway), but I think there is the added element of hormones as someone else mentioned. Don't be harsh on yourself op and don't let other make you feel bad for expressing your feelings.

flossyblog

The OP has written an honest account of her feelings, she is well aware of her sisters disability and all its complexities. There are times when all you want is for others to see it from your point of view.

I haven't personally experienced feelings of resentment towards any of my siblings, but I can understand someone else might feel like this. Sometimes just being listened to and taken seriously is all that is needed.

LannieDuck

Dunroamin wrote: »

It's really rather sad that you still remember and resent such small things and actually rather scary that you're going to have a child of your own.

Things like that are really important when you're young. I very clearly remember my parents making a big deal about how much extra homework my sister had compared to me, and various comments implying I had an easy time at school, when actually I'd worked really hard to achieve my grades.

I have a great relationship with my parents and my sister, so I'm not at all scarred as a result... but I still remember how unjust it felt at the time.

wannabe_sybil

Dunroamin wrote: »

It's really rather sad that you still remember and resent such small things and actually rather scary that you're going to have a child of your own.

Going hungry when resources were available so that you could eat but others controlled food is a very unpleasant experience. When you are sitting at a table when everyone else is satisfied but you are not because of other people's choices is awful. The parents showed that the food choices of the OP were unimportant and so was her wellbeing.

System

Remember that your parents have made you resent your sister by treating her differently to how they treated you.

I have to remember that when i think of my own brother.