Bi-sexual teenager what's the rules?

DannyBo

fluffnutter wrote: »

I expect that it's unusual to come out at that age. But everyone I've ever met who's gay knew from a far earlier age than 14.

I'll reiterate the comments of others.... Why does no one question a heterosexual's awareness of who they fancy yet are quick to say that gay people don't know their own minds?

Can you imagine being a 14 year old girl saying you fancy the latest fashionable squeeze for 14 years olds and having everyone say 'But how do you know you're straight? Don't you think you're a bit young to know? You've had no sexual experience, so how can you say you fancy so-and-so'? No? That's because it would never happen.

You don't 'find out' you're gay because you've snogged someone of the same sex and guess what! you liked it. You know you're gay because you're gay and you know it from the word get-go just like heterosexual people do. Experimenting with people of the same sex when you're young is just that, experimentation. Gay people do it. Straight people do it. It has no bearing on your sexuality.

Amen to that.

Poppy9

gibson123 wrote: »

Oh no, the main issue is having sex before she is emotionally ready for a sexual relationship, no matter what the gender of the partner. Although pregnancy was the last thing from my mind, we have had the talks about pregnancy etc.

I wouldn't ban sleepovers generally just say you are not prepared for her to share a bed with someone she considers a partner.

It seems you have a lovely open relationship with your DD so tell her the rules are "no sexual relations until she is 16" . Tell her you trust her to respect your rules and that you hope by enforcing this rule she will not feel under pressure to engage in a sexual relationship.

If over the next couple of years she does become involved in a serious relationship then I'm sure you can discuss if you are comfortable in allowing a sexual relationship to take place in your home. It's your home, your rules.

Mankysteve

Gay or straight or whatever. I think the real question is doing you additional teenagers in your house, I know I certainly wouldn't.

Treevo

peachyprice wrote: »

At 14 more girls and boys that you would imagine have sexual feelings for their own sex, it's very common and very normal, what isn't as common is for a 14yo, who has absoultely no sexual experience to come out as being gay or bi.

It isn't as common because up until very recently anyone gay or bi would've been forced to stay in the closet.

coinxoperated

I knew I was bi-sexual from about 12! I'm 23 now! I couldn't imagine not fancying women the same as men, but just because I like both sexes, doesn't mean I'm more open to sex. I still have 'types' regardless of them being male or female.

At 14, she's gonna do some experimenting. It's going to happen. If people sleep over (which I think they are too old to do right now..) then separate rooms. Either way, adults don't really have sleepovers an I think she should be treated as such. Kids grow up quicker now than ever and she is clearly aware of her sexuality.

I'm glad you know about it though. I could never tell my mum I liked women. She would have imploded. Be supportive of her and make her know that there's nothing wrong with making that choice

Oh, and safe sex applies to lesbian and gay couples. Might be worth a nosey on the net about different ways of staying safe in same sex relationships (women do tend to have their faces in another woman's bits... Many people don't know that there are actually these fab 'female condom' things for such acts!)

Keep her safe and educate yourself to help educate her. She sounds mature enough to take it all on board, so be a part of it.

loulou123

I had a fantastic relationship with my mum, as a teenager - I could talk to her about anything boys and sex related.

I was allowed both boys and girls to sleepover, and my mum didn't have a problem with it, I can honestly say nothing more then kissing ever happened at a sleepover when I was 14/15 and I was a straight girl with manly male friends! (so girls sleeping over was rare.)

When I began I more serious relationship at 16, I told my mum that I was thinking about sleeping with this one and we discussed it and then she took me to the family planning clinic for contraceptives.

If I hadn't have been able to talk to my mum about this I'd have still have had sex, but who knows if I'd have got sensible advice about birth control. My mum wasn't encouraging me, she was being realistic - if I was going to do it, i would, so she would rather know I was protected and doing it in a safe environment (my home.)

OP it sounds like you have a similar relationship with your daughter, and that she can talk to you - obviously the decision is yours to make, but I just wanted you to hear my story.

surveyqueenuk

Treevo wrote: »

It isn't as common because up until very recently anyone gay or bi would've been forced to stay in the closet.

Exachtly this - BTW, doesn't OP sound like a fabulous mum!

System

Is it weird/bad i'm 26 and me and some friends still kind of have sleepovers... Though there's generally a lot of wine involved...

Anyhoo.

I think i'd just apply the rule to everyone- of them sleeping in a separate room

Person_one

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

Is it weird/bad i'm 26 and me and some friends still kind of have sleepovers... Though there's generally a lot of wine involved...

Anyhoo.

I think i'd just apply the rule to everyone- of them sleeping in a separate room

I'm 28 and often have friends to stay after we've had a night out, saves taxi money and it is still fun!

valk_scot

Have several friends round for a sleepover at once, and have a girls room and a boys room? That's what my son's friendship group do if they're round at someone's house for a night out and they end up staying over. They're all 16 so they're all legal, there are a couple of boyfriend-girlfriend pairs and two gay guys who are not a couple but for sleepovers, the rule is no sex allowed and boys and girls have their own dorms. We parents all know one another too, we sorted out the ground rules on this between us ages ago.

I just asked DS (16 and straight) what would happen on an all-boy sleepover with half a dozen boys including the two gay ones. Would the two gay lads, who don't go out together, suddenly have this mad compulsion to start making out in a corner of the room in front of all their other friends, just because? "Eww", said DS, "They'd get slagged off forever".

So I think in the OP's case there's safety in numbers iyswim. You need same sex dorms, for modesty, just the same as same sex changing rooms at school, no? (There will be lesbian and bi girls in the girls changing rooms at school after all.) And by having four or five girls there it means it's unlikely that two of them are going to start having sex in front of all the others!

As to one friend only sleepovers, use your brains. My son's best friend is gay, my son is not. Best friend stays over now and again, he sleeps on the floor in my son's room, unsupervised. Do I think anything untoward is happening in there? No I do not, DS scoffs at the very idea and I know they do not fancy each other. It's no different from a straight friend staying over in my opinion. I should add, Best Friend has been staying over for some years now, before they were 16. I've known he was gay for longer than his own parents (bit sad that, actually) and it's never bothered me.

I do think sometimes you have to give your kids some credit for their own standards of behaviour tbh. If you've brought them up to be sensible, clear thinking young people with a clear sense of their own identities you've got to allow them some responsibility in their own lives. I sounds to me as if the OP has a good open relationship with her DD and also that the daughter had a strong sense of her own identity. What's wrong with that at 14? And why would knowing you were bi at that age be any different from knowing you were straight or gay?

And just because two people who fancy each other are sleeping in the same room it does not mean they HAVE to be having sex for gawds sake. I remember sleeping over at friends houses after parties when I was a student, my boyfriend crashed out in a sleeping bag beside me and a dozen other friends of mixed sexuality and sex in the same room. Were we all having sex with our partners that night? No......