Bi-sexual teenager what's the rules?

gibson123

Some advice please from Mums and Dad's of bi-sexual or gay teens.

My rules have always been once they hit puberty sleep-overs with the opposite sex are not allowed. Simples!

However my DD is 14 and bi-sexual. Now it's ok preaching abstinence but teens are all hormones and the no boys staying over is an acknowledgement that they are only human, so don't tempt fate.

But what about girls! Do I now say no sleep overs at all, and since she has "come out" she has joined an LGBT organisation and has lots of new gay and bi friends, so is it ok for male gay friends to stay over but not female ones, and is it ok for straight girls to stay, and do you have to sort according to sexuality!!.

She also now has two trans-gender friends, both around her age so no adjustments done, so she has a girl friend with boy "bits" and a boy friend with girl "bits"

Please don't say that I should just ban sleep-overs, because that's like punishing her for her sexuality.

All the parenting websites give advice on how to accept your child's sexuality but none really go into helping with practical advice.

Anyone else in a similar situation and what did you do?

flutterby_lil

No advice, but wow, how does she know this at 14? Seems very early to me to know she likes girls. Is she sexually active?

seven-day-weekend

Sleepovers of both sexes but not in your daughter's room.

Kayalana99

Comlicated one! :rotfl:

I would of thought that the main issue with guys sleeping over is them having sex and her ending up pregnat....So I would probally keep to the no males for that reason...as for the gay guys I wouwill just say at that age can they really know themselfs? At that age even if they were gay would they still want to 'experiment' anyway? It would be abit risky unless you were confident in the male.

Ofc if she wants to 'experiment' she will find a way to do it with or without sleepovers.....so I would just stick with basics about STI's and pregnacy and be laid back about the rest

Artytarty

No sleepovers, they are for little kids , not sexually aware teens.

gibson123

No, she has decided to wait until she is old enough, she got a bit of pressure from her ex-boyfriend, and hurrah! he became her ex-because of this..

How does she know? I suppose like any other teenager, you start to find your friends attractive. I have gay friends, it is no big deal in our circle to be gay, she also has a lesbian older cousin in a steady relationship, so I suppose if you grow up thinking it's ok to be gay, then when you find you fancy both girls and boys you just recognise what's going on.

System

We took our daughter and her 'girlfriend' on holiday with us once. They shared a double bed. Yes we found it a bit strange but tried to look at it as they were just friends having to share the same bed.

Our sons girlfriend is coming to stay over Easter. That is becoming a bit of a battle for me at the moment as he is 17 and she is a few months short of her 16th birthday. No way will they be sharing a bed!

j.e.j.

It depends on your reasons for banning the sleepovers. If it's fear that someone will get pregnant, then obviously that's not going to be a problem if it's a same-sex sleepover.. but if it's that you don't want any sexual activity going on then you will have to say no-one can sleep in her room, OR just trust your kids to be grown up about it.

nzmegs

I think you should just make it a rule that they sleep in separate rooms. That way it can be either sex and you have one rule for all

gibson123

Kayalana99 wrote: »

Comlicated one! :rotfl:

I would of thought that the main issue with guys sleeping over is them having sex and her ending up pregnat....So I would probally keep to the no males for that reason...as for the gay guys I wouwill just say at that age can they really know themselfs? At that age even if they were gay would they still want to 'experiment' anyway? It would be abit risky unless you were confident in the male.

Ofc if she wants to 'experiment' she will find a way to do it with or without sleepovers.....so I would just stick with basics about STI's and pregnacy and be laid back about the rest

Oh no, the main issue is having sex before she is emotionally ready for a sexual relationship, no matter what the gender of the partner. Although pregnancy was the last thing from my mind, we have had the talks about pregnancy etc.

Lifeforms

No real advice, but more it would come down to her honesty, and your acceptance than something might go on, but otherwise might not.

Now if she's come out to you at her age there is a deep trusting relationship between you, and perhaps this is a conversation that you can have with her, instead of us.

You say no opposite sexed friends when puberty hits, is this a previous rule that you've employed with other children of yours, and something that she will have seen? If so you could always bring it up and ask her what is best. Naturally fumbling around in the dark could happen anywhere, but I'm guessing it's full blown relationship sex that would be an issue, and you could make this a nono because she simply is underage, and it's a legality issue. By bringing this up with your daughter you can have an adult conversation and both set rules as it is such an unique situations. Of course some of her same sex peers will just be friends, and some might be more, but being open about it all will hopefully stop anything and make a no same sex, no opposite sex rule being in place.

Basically kids just know, same as I know I like boys, and a friend of mine knows she likes both, and even more so another female friend I know likes girls, both of them knew they liked them that way when they were very young, and I knew I liked boys very young too. It's not a switch, it's a born with thing, so 14 is acceptable to know particularly when the person in question is in a family environment where they feel accepted, and comfortable to come out at an early age. Most people who come out later in life say they knew earlier, but it was life choices, family feelings, and worry of being rejected, or inferred to be abnormal that stopped them earlier.

Good on you and your daughter!