Bi-sexual teenager what's the rules?

ValHaller

MK55 wrote: »

Hi,

Have just read through this, I'm a lad and let me tell all the people who have posted, about your daughter being un-sure, i knew i was gay from day dot. Literally form being 8 or 9 I knew, so I think your daughter will know who she is. Also good for her being confident for her age and who she is, some kids take this extremely hard. (I personally think this comes down to great parenting)

OK, you are sure about your sexuality and that probably makes things a lot easier for you. OP's daughter is probably just as sure. But thanks for opening up what I think is an important point - about how certain people are about themselves.

But I think that there is probably a spectrum of how sure people are about their own sexuality at different ages. Just as there is a spectrum from Gay-ness through Bi-ness to Hetero-ness. Someone who is unsure about their sexuality is probably potentially vulnerable and needs support to be allowed to be unsure until they are sure for themselves if you see what I mean - in just the same way that those who are sure of their sexuality should be accepted for their choices.

In short I don't think there are any one size fits all answers that cover all sexualities - and there are no one size fits all answers which cover all degrees of certainty a person has about their own sexuality.

Lozzy88

This is true pasturesnew but the fact the op has asked must mean its something that she enjoys doing, I didn't stop having sleepovers till I was nearly 18 nothing weird in it, it was just something myself and my friends enjoyed to do.

peachyprice

19lottie82 wrote: »

That's pretty ignorant.

By your username, I'm guessing you're a female (and straight)...... Did you know you fancied boys at 14?

I'm hetro and can remember "fancying" boys from the age of 7, and kissed one at the age of 11. Is that equally as wierd or unbelievable?

At 14 more girls and boys that you would imagine have sexual feelings for their own sex, it's very common and very normal, what isn't as common is for a 14yo, who has absoultely no sexual experience to come out as being gay or bi.

Person_one

PasturesNew wrote: »

Why have sleepovers at all? I never did - and I wasn't ever aware of anybody in our village, or any school I went to, having them. They're not essential/compulsory.

Sleepovers with friends are pretty normal amongst pre-teen/teenage girls. They were a lot of fun and a great way to deepen friendships, they might not be compulsory but that doesn't mean they're worthless.

Person_one

peachyprice wrote: »

At 14 more girls and boys that you would imagine have sexual feelings for their own sex, it's very common and very normal, what isn't as common is for a 14yo, who has absoultely no sexual experience to come out as being gay or bi.

Coming out as bi is sometimes a step along the road to coming out as a lesbian. Not always of course, but being bi-sexual is often seen as more acceptable among their teenage peers and its an easier step to take.

I knew 100% that I was straight from being about 9 and fancying Mark Owen and Ryan Giggs (giving my age away there) so why is it so hard to accept that a 14 year old can know they feel that way about their own sex?

Most teenagers have plenty of sexual experience, just not with a partner.

McKneff

peachyprice wrote: »

At 14 more girls and boys that you would imagine have sexual feelings for their own sex, it's very common and very normal, what isn't as common is for a 14yo, who has absoultely no sexual experience to come out as being gay or bi.

This is the most sensible post on the board. Full stop.
Thank you PP.:T:T

Torry_Quine

PasturesNew wrote: »

Why have sleepovers at all? I never did - and I wasn't ever aware of anybody in our village, or any school I went to, having them. They're not essential/compulsory.

I was beginning to think I was strange as until I heard recently of sleep-overs I didn't know they happened. Thought it was an American thing.:o

To the OP personally I wouldn't allow either sex to share a room with her.

fluffnutter

thorsoak wrote: »

What about just saying NO SEX - she is 14 !!!!!!!!

Surely teaching abstinence is equally important - casual sex should surely not be encouraged??

'Teaching abstinence' is not the same as discouraging casual sex. Children should be taught about everything - love, relationships, sex, sexuality, all of it.

'Teaching abstinence' helps no one. It's been shown to demonstrably fail in protecting girls and young women from unwanted pregnancy, STIs and domestic abuse and is in no way a substitute for a sound and open sex education.

SUESMITH_2

fluffnutter wrote: »

'Teaching abstinence' is not the same as discouraging casual sex. Children should be taught about everything - love, relationships, sex, sexuality, all of it.

'Teaching abstinence' helps no one. It's been shown to demonstrably fail in protecting girls and young women from unwanted pregnancy, STIs and domestic abuse and is in no way a substitute for a sound and open sex education.

here here!

fluffnutter

peachyprice wrote: »

At 14 more girls and boys that you would imagine have sexual feelings for their own sex, it's very common and very normal, what isn't as common is for a 14yo, who has absoultely no sexual experience to come out as being gay or bi.

I expect that it's unusual to come out at that age. But everyone I've ever met who's gay knew from a far earlier age than 14.

I'll reiterate the comments of others.... Why does no one question a heterosexual's awareness of who they fancy yet are quick to say that gay people don't know their own minds?

Can you imagine being a 14 year old girl saying you fancy the latest fashionable squeeze for 14 years olds and having everyone say 'But how do you know you're straight? Don't you think you're a bit young to know? You've had no sexual experience, so how can you say you fancy so-and-so'? No? That's because it would never happen.

You don't 'find out' you're gay because you've snogged someone of the same sex and guess what! you liked it. You know you're gay because you're gay and you know it from the word get-go just like heterosexual people do. Experimenting with people of the same sex when you're young is just that, experimentation. Gay people do it. Straight people do it. It has no bearing on your sexuality.