I'm in a bit of a pickle can you help?

poltergeist

justjohn wrote: »

if he has not said that , the don't jump to conclusions.

sometimes people just settle into certain ways of living together. fine if thats how they want too live.

sometimes the simplest of things can make a relationship more happy or special.

like feeding the ducks at a pond together....lol

It is certainly not happy or special at the moment, not even a touch a look

Funky_Bold_Ribena

poltergeist wrote: »

I don't want to give him an ultimatum, I don't want him to go and him being here still would give an indication that he doesn't want that either but living like this is hard, walking on egg shells, I want him to realise or to give me the chance to know Ihave changed and would never do that to him again, maybe that's it he doesn't trust what I say?

Well, how else are you going to find out what's bugging him? Do you think that if you go to enough comedy clubs he's going to laugh so much he spits it out randomly for you?

poltergeist

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

Well, how else are you going to find out what's bugging him? Do you think that if you go to enough comedy clubs he's going to laugh so much he spits it out randomly for you?

What's bugging him is the effort he had to put in to stabalize the relationship, with being such a moody b...., he said it was hard work and he says it shouldn't be so draining, so hard to find calm and peace and not dread what outburst he is going to have to deal with today. I understand that.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

poltergeist wrote: »

What's bugging him is the effort he had to put in to stabalize the relationship, with being such a moody b...., he said it was hard work and he says it shouldn't be so draining, so hard to find calm and peace and not dread what outburst he is going to have to deal with today. I understand that.

Have you asked him what you can do to make it 'like the old times'?

Sometimes life IS hard - but surely you both have an understanding now and it should be getting back to normal. If it isn't then perhaps he's not been completely honest with you?

poltergeist

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

Have you asked him what you can do to make it 'like the old times'?

Sometimes life IS hard - but surely you both have an understanding now and it should be getting back to normal. If it isn't then perhaps he's not been completely honest with you?

I asked him what would make him happy? He says he is happy, I asked him what I can do to make it better, he smiled I think.

We do respect each other, I know I have done wrong, I know he did nothing wrong, he was always there , always, I want him back, I want him to be back though, to be here because he wants to be.

poltergeist

I can't expect him to just accept my apology and get on with things, it takes tme,I hurt him, the thing is it has been a long while now and you really start to notice things like no kiss goodnight, the turn over in bed even though I have asked and suggested we try this or that he just keeps me at arms lenght, there that is it kept at arms length, the other day I went to give him a kiss and he gave one back but when I went to put my arms around him he got me by the waist and moved me off.

I asked why and he said he hadn't but he had.

I make him feel uncomfortable?

podperson

I would sit him down again. Say that you've taken on board what he said, you've apologised for the way you were and are working hard on trying to be more positive and to build your relationship back up - but that he needs to try and meet you halfway.
Can I ask, has this kind of behaviour from him started purely from when he sat down and talked to you about being unhappy or has it been ongoing for the last few years while you were in 'negative mode' (apologies, couldn't think of a better way to put that!) If it's the latter then perhaps it's habits he's evolved while you were being negative etc as it didn't seem worth putting the effort in at the time. If so he may need to work harder to break those habits but if he's committed to the relationship he does need to try - you're working on the issues that have upset him, he needs to do the same for you.
Good luck with it x

Joons

Gawd, is there any woman that isn't moody! Seriously though, you cannot keep apologising, the cards were on the table, you've taken all the blame, I bet at times he was moody no? He knows for sure you're sorry, it's now about you both making an effort, not just you, esp on the intimacy bit cos that definitley brings you closer, dress up for him, surprise him? Basically seduce him.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

poltergeist wrote: »

I can't expect him to just accept my apology and get on with things, it takes tme,I hurt him, the thing is it has been a long while now and you really start to notice things like no kiss goodnight, the turn over in bed even though I have asked and suggested we try this or that he just keeps me at arms lenght, there that is it kept at arms length, the other day I went to give him a kiss and he gave one back but when I went to put my arms around him he got me by the waist and moved me off.

I asked why and he said he hadn't but he had.

I make him feel uncomfortable?

Well, my first response of asking him to get over it, tell you what's wrong or end it still holds.

Comedy clubs are not going to fix this I am afraid.

p.s. you can ask him to accept your apology and get over it. If he is trying to punish you then what sort of a relationship would that be?

londonsurrey

You know the kinds of things he likes. If applicable, take a burlesque class.