Giving and not receiving - bit of a rant

Funky_Bold_Ribena

Your husband needs to ask why his brother is not buying his kids any presents. Perhaps he thinks that his son's mother will do it on his behalf?

becominganobsessivesaver

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

Your husband needs to ask why his brother is not buying his kids any presents. Perhaps he thinks that his son's mother will do it on his behalf?

Not a chance - the two families no longer speak!

We'll see if anything comes after his chat with his Mum, and if not we'll probably ask them

Brighton_belle

Well my guess is S-in-l regards it as nothing to do with her, i.e it's her husbands nephew and neice so he should be present buying not her and b-in-law is the sort of bloke that just doesn't do present buying and leaves it all to the woman in his life. He probably hasn't remotely joined the dots that as you buy for his son, socially the correct thing to do is buy for his nephew/neice.

Mojisola

becominganobsessivesaver wrote: »

DD's 4th birthday yesterday, and BIL and his wife just sent her a card, no present.

Suppose it's not a big deal but we have always got their 12 year old a present,

They have also bought nothing for DS for his birthday (I put this down to it being 2 days before Christmas), but we are still waiting for his Christmas present.

becominganobsessivesaver wrote: »

I'm not going to stop buying for my nephew, although their Christmas presents are likely to stop.

I'm curious as to why you will continue to buy presents for your nephew. Won't each present you give just build up the bad feelings against his parents?

maman

becominganobsessivesaver wrote: »

No big families on either side. BIL's son does not live with him (although presents from us go through BIL). We did get thanks. SIL has no children, and neither do her family. There are only the 3 of them on our side.
I think that my nephew was the only one for so long and as we don't live close by we're almost an afterthought. (we're unlikely to see them in the near future).
I'm not going to stop buying for my nephew, although their Christmas presents are likely to stop. BIL is the eldest and always seemed to get everything he wanted. DH is the middle child, and seems to have compromised alot in his life.

Families eh!

If you've not seen the rellies concerned as they live at a distance they're probably easing any conscience they have by thinking any present would have to be posted so they'll buy one when they plan to see you next. So they've sort of dealt with it but then forget/brazen it out when they do see you.

I'm sure it's infuriating but I'd stick with what you're doing because you know it's right. It's like I often say to children 'if you know something's wrong then why would you copy it?'

Funky_Bold_Ribena

becominganobsessivesaver wrote: »

Not a chance - the two families no longer speak!

We'll see if anything comes after his chat with his Mum, and if not we'll probably ask them

Then get mum to ask if your DD liked her present, what did he get her?

Mojisola

maman wrote: »

I'm sure it's infuriating but I'd stick with what you're doing because you know it's right. It's like I often say to children 'if you know something's wrong then why would you copy it?'

Is it "wrong" not to buy a nephew a birthday present?

becominganobsessivesaver

I won't stop buying for our nephew as he is of the age when he thinks he's done something wrong, and that just seems unfair on him. We hardly see him as it is, and he's a lovely boy, so it keeps the contact there. I think mil may have already said something, but we'll wait and see.
It just annoys me that they were so fussy about what we should get him! Next time we just won't ask!

Mojisola

becominganobsessivesaver wrote: »

I won't stop buying for our nephew as he is of the age when he thinks he's done something wrong, and that just seems unfair on him. We hardly see him as it is, and he's a lovely boy, so it keeps the contact there. I think mil may have already said something, but we'll wait and see.

It just annoys me that they were so fussy about what we should get him! Next time we just won't ask!

I would have thought that a 12 year old would easily understand "As you're not a little boy any more, we'll just be sending a card" or "Money is very short at the moment so we'll just be sending cards now at birthdays".

victory

Mojisola wrote: »

I would have thought that a 12 year old would easily understand "As you're not a little boy any more, we'll just be sending a card" or "Money is very short at the moment so we'll just be sending cards now at birthdays".

In our lot we stop at 18 , cards from there on it but a 12 year old rightly or wrongly hopes for a birthday/ Christmas present and a lot of it is the pure giddy excitement / anticipation of their big day and to see if they get what they so longed/ wished for:D