Giving and not receiving - bit of a rant

Mulder00

Sorry to say, but IMHO if you are buying presents for someone just to get something in return, then you are doing it wrong. Giving presents should be about the act of giving, not giving something, expecting something in return (regardless of value as you say).

If you want to give a gift, it should be unconditional, otherwise, what's the point...

*Louise*

I would be upset if someone didn't bother about my children, if I had gone to some effort for theirs. It's not so much the gift that's the issue as feeling that they weren't cared about.

I would have to ask the BIL if there was an issue tbh, (or get hubby to ask) it would niggle away at me otherwise.

Georgiegirl256

Mulder00 wrote: »

Sorry to say, but IMHO if you are buying presents for someone just to get something in return, then you are doing it wrong. Giving presents should be about the act of giving, not giving something, expecting something in return (regardless of value as you say).

If you want to give a gift, it should be unconditional, otherwise, what's the point...

Totally agree with this.

You don't buy gifts and automatically expect one in return. It's nice of course, even more so when it's kiddies involved, but as is said on the above quote, it should be unconditional.

I'm a good 20 plus years younger than the majority of my cousins. My Mam bought said cousins presents each year, birthday and Christmas until they turned 18. Then when I came along, nothing. She was disappointed for me of course, but she didn't buy them presents just so any future kids (me!) would get a present. !!!! happens, and tbh, until my teens, I never even really realised (or just didn't care?) that I didn't get presents off my proper aunties and uncles, as I got plenty of presents of my Mam and Dad's friends, so I was very lucky in that respect. My Mam was !!!!ed at her 3 brothers, but also wouldn't have changed a thing about having bought all their kids presents all them years.

outtawork

we had my sister here for xmas day, she was picked up had a dinner cooked for her,was waited on hand & foot, driven home with all her presents & did not even have a card, never mind a present for the children. Told us she bought us all presents last year, but she was depressed so put them in the bin! She actually went away for xmas last year. Talked the whole time while she was here about how ill she was!

ska_lover

Sorry OP - I have not read the entire thread. IMO giving to receive always results in disappointment as not everyone has the same disposable income or puts the same importance on birthdays etc. If you feel done wrong by, because they aren't reciprocating with equal value gifts, then stick to sending token presents to them in future

becominganobsessivesaver

We definitely aren't buying with the expectation of getting something in return, after all we had 8 years where we did not have any children and obviously still bought for our nephew. It is just the fact that there is no thought whatsoever, just a token would be nice so the kids could call them and say thank you, no need for equal value! My friend bought them a big tube of smarties each and they loved that!

Anyway we've decided on a token gift from now on!

Stephb1986_2

Mulder00 wrote: »

Sorry to say, but IMHO if you are buying presents for someone just to get something in return, then you are doing it wrong. Giving presents should be about the act of giving, not giving something, expecting something in return (regardless of value as you say).

If you want to give a gift, it should be unconditional, otherwise, what's the point...

What would you think/say/do if someone asked for specific item (Without you asking what they wanted) for Christmas which you bought for them and they gave you nothing back not even a card but went and gave another sibling £100

ska_lover

becominganobsessivesaver wrote: »

We definitely aren't buying with the expectation of getting something in return, after all we had 8 years where we did not have any children and obviously still bought for our nephew. It is just the fact that there is no thought whatsoever, just a token would be nice so the kids could call them and say thank you, no need for equal value! My friend bought them a big tube of smarties each and they loved that!

Anyway we've decided on a token gift from now on!

I don't blame you and totally understand where you are coming from

It does seem the done thing to buy presents of similar value - and when this doesn't happen people tend to be miserable about it - you only have to look at this board to see how many disgruntled people there are after Christmas.

ska_lover

Stephb1986 wrote: »

What would you think/say/do if someone asked for specific item (Without you asking what they wanted) for Christmas which you bought for them and they gave you nothing back not even a card but went and gave another sibling £100

I would be p1ssed off, as that is DEFINATELY saying something without using words..sorry but it is..