Giving and not receiving - bit of a rant

becominganobsessivesaver

New thread, same old story, so just a bit of a rant really!

DD's 4th birthday yesterday, and BIL and his wife just sent her a card, no present. Suppose it's not a big deal but we have always got their 12 year old a present, including a £25 iTunes voucher for his birthday last week. The cheek of it is I asked if he would like clothes and was told "no just an iTunes voucher!"

They have also bought nothing for DS for his birthday (I put this down to it being 2 days before Christmas), but we are still waiting for his Christmas present.

I don't expect the world but now we have children the giving and receiving don't seem to be exactly even (and I'm not thinking about value, just a token would have been nice). It's not like we could (or would even want to) stop buying for our nephew, but it just seems like there is no thought for our children in return.

They can't be that skint (well they might be after spending hundreds on nephew's birthday), I think we're just way down the priority list!

Sorry for the rant! Just needed to get it off my chest!

victory

We can't change it for you, you have to ask the relevant parties why? There could be a hundred and one reasons, from debt to they just didn't want to:eek:or think your child has too much, whatever, whichever it's communication that's needed:D

Brighton_belle

Has the 12 year old nephew thanked you? If not, I would start feeling less obliged to buy for him. Not that I have ever put my money where my mouth is one that one...

Person_one

Do they have a big family on the other side perhaps?

A card is a token, they did remember her birthday, try not to take it too personally as there could be a very good reason, and you aren't obliged to keep spending on their children if you don't want to.

LEJC

It can be very flustrating when someone likes to receice but never gives....
I think there are a few ways to deal with it...confront them and ask is there a reason why your child is still waiting for their presents...this might cause tension between yourselves,so the decision has to be yours as to whether you take that route....you can just send card next year in a similar fashion to how they treat you....or you can continue as you are...giving and getting no thanks.

victory

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Has the 12 year old nephew thanked you? If not, I would start feeling less obliged to buy for him. Not that I have ever put my money where my mouth is one that one...

That's a good point:D my kids always but always send handwritten cards of thanks, from much younger than 12, no way would my 12 year old be allowed to accept a gift without a thank you, if he didn't send one I would take it off him, he knows that.

Marshflower

Could they have got her something for when they next see her maybe?
You could be rather pointed when you next speak to them “yes DD had a marvellous birthday, some nice presents from friends and family. Did your DS use his voucher in the end?”
It’s a tricky situation though.
Do they have a very large family on their side? Between my siblings and DHs we have 10 nieces and nephews and have been quite up front with my siblings and in laws who between them don’t have anywhere near as many, that I want to get them gifts because I love them all dearly but they will not be very extravagant or will even be homemade (this xmas I made them all personalised cookie jars with the ingredients layered in) as we just can’t afford to spoil them as much as we’d like. Have asked siblings consequently not to spoil DD but they usually ignore me! But then it’s much easier to be open when you are the one who is giving the present rather than the one who didn’t receive if that makes sense?
I suppose I’m driving at the need for you to have a frank chat about it if it really does bother you so much as they are family and it’s not fair to be angry at BIL and not give him chance to rectify.
Maybe that’s bad advice though.
Sorry, not much help, it’s a tough one!

Meadows

Stop buying for theirs - Simples

It could be that long ago you chose to give gifts to your nephew and have just assumed they would buy for yours but in actual fact they have never wanted to do the gift thing (you would think/hope that they felt they should be we all look at things in a different way).

You could ask what they want to do in regards to buy for the kids, do they want to just send cards or buy gifts, if they opt for gifts then remind them that your son got no Birthday or Christmas gift and your daughter got nothing. Better to lay your cards on the table and get things squared away rather than have resentment, miss understanding and bad feeling.

Joons

Do the same back next time, simple.

CH27

becominganobsessivesaver wrote: »

New thread, same old story, so just a bit of a rant really!

DD's 4th birthday yesterday, and BIL and his wife just sent her a card, no present. Suppose it's not a big deal but we have always got their 12 year old a present, including a £25 iTunes voucher for his birthday last week. The cheek of it is I asked if he would like clothes and was told "no just an iTunes voucher!"

They have also bought nothing for DS for his birthday (I put this down to it being 2 days before Christmas), but we are still waiting for his Christmas present.

I don't expect the world but now we have children the giving and receiving don't seem to be exactly even (and I'm not thinking about value, just a token would have been nice). It's not like we could (or would even want to) stop buying for our nephew, but it just seems like there is no thought for our children in return.

They can't be that skint (well they might be after spending hundreds on nephew's birthday), I think we're just way down the priority list!

Sorry for the rant! Just needed to get it off my chest!

Have they bought for birthdays in the past? If so, ask what has changed.

becominganobsessivesaver

No big families on either side. BIL's son does not live with him (although presents from us go through BIL). We did get thanks. SIL has no children, and neither do her family. There are only the 3 of them on our side.
I think that my nephew was the only one for so long and as we don't live close by we're almost an afterthought. (we're unlikely to see them in the near future).
I'm not going to stop buying for my nephew, although their Christmas presents are likely to stop. BIL is the eldest and always seemed to get everything he wanted. DH is the middle child, and seems to have compromised alot in his life.

Families eh!